it has been far too long since i’ve expressed my emotions and experiences here; i realized i had to do a lot of searching though.  where do i fit in, in the context of the world…  of the communities i exist in?

and even though everyone is aware of you as my teacher, where at this point do you fit in?  as the days pass, my perspectives become clearer and clearer, and when i say to you that peace will come, i truly mean it.  i now know what that means.  it is not necessarily a peace in the world- sadly, as long as the world maintains the structures of power currently in existence we will never reach a necessary peace globally.  the peace i have attained is within.

you see, there have been a number of events in my life recently which would have shaken my spirit to the point of extended depression.  there have indeed been trying moments; the outcome though has been acceptance.  instead of trying to figure out whether or not anyone “understands me” (as you once succinctly put it), i had to work on not UNDERestimating, but OVERstanding myself.  after all of these years of struggle i made it.  if that is the only thing i accomplish in my life then that’s an accomplishment i will be proud of.

there are indeed still challenges but now i have come to the point where i accept my imperfections and take full responsibility for my errors, then work on improving them.  it may not appear that way; from where i am though, this is something i am truly thankful for, when it comes to you.  in remembering the things you’ve said, remembering certain phrases…  certain tones…  i am able to remember your gifts and know that i am greater than what i have presented within myself.

anyone who is sensitive to energy is going to struggle in a society with far too much negative stimuli.  this is why work on the self is so important.

despite having written a blog dedicated to you for a number of years i can never express in enough words how much you have taught me.  i realized that some of what i have to say demanded an internal conversation, so i remained silent.  all of the current news regarding yourself or your family- i have remained mostly silent for this as well.  some people may ask why i am dedicating a blog to you if you are not physically here.

the answer is simple:  it’s about THE TEACHINGS.  i can speak all day as to what the teachings mean to me; however, constantly utilizing an outward means of expression does not necessarily guarantee success.  to truly learn requires looking within.  to truly love means to ask questions of yourself.  i could never say i love you if i didn’t examine the elements of your imperfections.  i could never respectfully examine the imperfections if i didn’t see your humanity.  i could never say i appreciated the teachings if i never questioned them.  i could never hope to truly love another if i didn’t accept MYSELF first.

it’s all cyclical.

a revolution doesn’t exist
without struggle
just like
a teacher doesn’t exist
without students.

the revolution must begin
with the heart.
the heart receives the message
then sends it out to
the body…

the key to creativity and true knowledge is
reaching towards a higher consciousness…
interconnectedness
inter-
connectedness…

i can overstand the disguises
but the real truth lies in
interconnectedness

the price of fame
is too expensive for someone so
sensitive
so attentive to
energy
derived from the leaves and rocks

material success
will never replace
what one already has within them

we are all children of the earth
regardless of age

it takes practice to remember this

the key is to be determined in practice
in order to maintain the faith

the key is to be in tune to true love
in order to not keep you in a box

perception is a bird
yearning to be free through lifelong learning but we
continue to cage her by
ignoring
the bigger picture

the seeds we eat are ripe
with the nutrients of unlimited knowledge
yet we limit ourselves to a nest of institutions
and continue to sleep on our own power…

those who love you will clip your wings
but feathers shed and enter a cycle of
rebirth
and you will learn to fly again

there’s no place too far…
too far for us
distance is not an option
when the heart guides the
navigation

we kept you in a box
when you had been trying to fly
when you were evolving…
you chose to break free
but
in many ways were hindered because
we
have been hungry for the fruits of knowledge
doled out by someone else
we have been hoodwinked into believing someone else’s perception of you
(whether or not we agree with it)
as opposed to tuning into
energy

nature
gives us all an innate quality of discernment
we make judgements in line with self-preservation…
we judge of course, though not through our intuitive selves.

we have squandered away our necessity to ask questions
by way of
hero celebrity worship
political party loyalty
desire for material success…
with nothing to show for it.

the seeds have been poisoned
as opinion is consistently misdiagnosed as
fact
we continue to eat the seeds
of anonymous debates with no substance
which bear empty calories
we encounter illnesses never seen in our
ancestors’ lives

“only you can hurt yourself.”
you said that

only we can hurt ourselves…
only we have ourselves to blame if we simply complain about the institutions
caging us in,
when we make no moves to
unlock the cage

there can be no progress without
practice
we have to care enough to not care
we have to know that those who cage us
do not care about us

even if we are afraid
we cannot be motivated by fear.
to open the cage on your own is scary
and you may be initially alone
but we all must know there are others who have done the same before us

in our moments of stumbling
we will be kissed by our teachers and ancestors
they’ve got to hear it- this gift of appreciation
from us
and not those who claim to hold the key

we make the cries the whole world can sing
those cries to be fed
from our mother
land
mother earth
will be heard
if we heed the call

voices are taken
from young lives every day
through international militarism
through police terrorism
through synthetic substances
and we are told we are powerless
and that
if we tweak the system JUST ENOUGH things will change for the better

a system cannot change for the better
if it is under the guise of a pre-existing system

a system cannot be repaired
if its basis is not about nurturing and
prevention
a system cannot be healed
if you are only looking at the minor symptoms

people tend to look at the end result of abuse
never the full(er) picture,
the intricacies;
they check for external bruises
but never know the true effects.

never knowing
never knowing…

how does it feel
to be alone inside a cold room
which houses that which flows though us

it must never be enough to have enough-
we must act
in love
self-love
cultural appreciation and respect
and honor towards our teachers

when this is the motivation
it allows more space for hatred…

art should strive towards a higher consciousness
it should strive towards transcendence
it should strive beyond the physical

we should never entrap you as we’ve done
and we continue to do

your soul has flown
and we should now focus on
the message
we MUST evolve with you

with this
i finally overstand how a poem
a song
a piece of art
can create itself
evolution and nature are inseparable
we must allow it to thrive inside of us

this is the only way towards progression
towards freedom…
towards love.

i love you…
i love you i love you
lovelovelove
teacher, i love you

i speak these words
but
love is truly a sound which holds no syllables
for it is a never-ending sound
it is the first and the last
it is permanent
even when the feelings we all claim no longer exist on this earth
when our bodies return towards their natural cycles
love will be the only constant
lovelovelove
i love you
i love you

love,
jamilah

(note: the final piece is an edited version of a spoken word/music project i did entitled ‘faith, determination, practice…  and truth’)