Ver a Kneecap en la Ciudad de México (while having a good time AND thinking about an artist’s responsibility)

There was a running half joke i kept to myself for years; however, due to the current scenario we are in, i do wonder if there’s truth to it.

The (half) joke was that Metallica initially messed up Iron Maiden’s ‘Run To The Hills’ on their Garage Days EP because they didn’t want to have to pay a bunch of royalties for a few moments of an outro. In the few times they’ve played it live just as messed up though, you can tell that while they still loved the song, they didn’t wanna have to think about the song as an examination on colonialism.

Because see? They don’t wanna have to take a position on anything- get it?

While not mentioning the punchline, i did mention to a couple of people i thought Robert Trujillo (as an Indigenous man) could do the vocals, if Hetfield were uncomfortable with its subject matter… or better yet, they could have switched roles, since the song is from the perspective of both the colonized, and colonizer.
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This most recent course of events (regarding the rise of open ‘apolitical’ thought and multiple artists’ pivot toward the right wing) led me to a Rage Against The Machine (RATM) rabbit hole.

i don’t necessarily talk about them a lot, but i love them.

i have all of their albums, and the one time i did see them live was on the tour for the first album (where Funkdoobiest opened), so the rabbit hole was more to see what reactions others had to their music. As a lyric person, it isn’t the music, but Zach de la Rocha’s delivery of the band’s treatises which primarily keep me listening to them. At the age of 15 i was already a burgeoning anticapitalist (reading some Anarchist theory) by the time of the album’s 1992 release, so the messages resonated with me.

In a society where we are encouraged to be more inclined to focus on the beat (and ignore the messages), it obviously was no surprise that a majority of the reactions were rooted in shock, when they got past their fascination of guitarist Tom Morello’s playing. That said, there were a couple of specific things which saddened me, leading to the long held assertion that the role of ‘education’ in the US (where the majority of the ‘shock’ occurred) is to expunge particular cultural and sociopolitical narratives from the annals of history long enough, where it results in generations of people having absolutely little to no memory of them.

People act like the Heritage Foundation-led Project 2020 initiated these acts of disappearance, via their removal of placards and information boards, replacing them with a sanitized rendition of this country’s history. One of the greatest comments i saw on this phenomenon proves otherwise. The comment pointed out that the US ‘education’ system always points out the ‘what’, but never the ‘why’. We all know there was a ‘civil rights movement’, but how many of us can name the people who were a pivotal part of it, outside of the one or two individuals propped up by the status quo?

How many of us can name figures who led revolts against enslavers (both in the US and the Caribbean), without crediting Abraham Lincoln?

The one thing which saddened me (which, let’s keep it real, is along the spectrum of anti-intellectualism, whether enforced, coerced or willfully done) is that people consistently echoed recency bias to insist that RATM were ‘predicting the future’, instead of recognizing that they, and many bands like them, were speaking to a time which still very much exists. Censorship still exists. Anticapitalist, anticolonial and anti-imperialist individuals, organizations and movements are still surveilled, targeted- and worse. Soft power tactics are utilized to institutionalize this erasure. Focusing (again) on reactions based in the US, there were people i saw who had very little idea of who J. Edgar Hoover, Fred Hampton, Malcolm X or Martin Luther King Jr. were, outside of maybe hearing their names once or twice in class.

Maybe.

One person even said, “They did not give a fuck.” i would argue that they DID, because if they didn’t, they would not have released the songs they did. i know this person implied that the band was not concerned about consequences by releasing this music, but i don’t think that’s the case either. i think the industry knew well enough to know that in the end, most people would see what RATM did as entertainment, and not the call to political education and organization as was intended. The reactions to their music (via platforms like Youtube, as well as social media) prove this, via the shock and disappointment of their ‘politics’.

Perhaps this is less impactful to most; however, the other thing which saddened me was the fairly constant statement of “I didn’t know rock music was political”.

Those who participated in the foundation of rock music have been all but erased in the annals of history, outside of those who know, and follow. Its roots in the blues and gospel traditions have been all but erased, to the the point where rock is seen as a genre devoid of the stories of people who have been marginalized in some capacity. Despite there being a range of rock bands who’ve addressed social injustices till this very day, from the MC5, Living Colour, Oi Polloi and La Armada, right on down to the Muslims and Soul Glo; rock music is still perceived as being created by ‘European men (in particular) who don’t have a need to sing about anything but partying and bullshitting.’ It’s important to remember that intersections of oppression exist even when someone holds particular privileges. Living under capitalism, this is obvious.

So (also) obviously, Hetfield’s comments about “some other entertainers, influenc(ing) you with their bullshit” does not assist in dispelling this myth, or erasure.

Turnstile, Forest Hills Stadium, 23 September 2026

Pretty soon after one of my closest friends succumbed to cancer, i traveled to la Ciudad de México (CDMX) to see Metallica in 2024. It was an incredibly cathartic experience. It was also as if everyone and their mama knew they were in town. When asked why i was there, everyone lit up when i told them my answer. Their impact was huge, which is one of the many reasons i feel some kind of way about Hetfield’s comment.

Despite not exactly being underground artists, it was a very different story with Kneecap, whom i went to see on the 15th of October 2026. Given they are not allowed to step foot in the US, i traveled there, and i was not sure if many knew who they were.

In what has since been dismissed, Liam Óg Ó hAnnaidh (aka Mo Chara) and his Kneecap mates responded to what was at the time a London-based terrorism charge (Clearly an intimidation tactic to coerce other artists from speaking out):

“This is a carnival of distraction. We are not the story. Genocide is,” and “As they profit from genocide, they use an ‘anti-terror law’ against us for displaying a flag thrown on stage. A charge not serious enough to even warrant their crown court, instead a court that doesn’t have a jury. What’s the objective? To restrict our ability to travel. To prevent us speaking to young people across the world. To silence voices of compassion. To prosecute artists who dare speak out.

We stand proudly with the people,” the statement concludes. “You stand complicit with the war criminals. We are on the right side of history. You are not. We will fight you in court. We will win. Free Palestine.”

In light of the (again) much more fervent pivot toward ‘apoliticism’, ‘neutrality’, ‘enlightened centrism’ and right wingerism by numerous artists and public figures over the past 10-15 years, seeing Kneecap was a welcome relief. Most bands i see live either have staunch messaging against capitalist and imperialist violence, racism, environmental destruction, white supremacy, and the varying other types of oppression; or they utilize their platform on stage to relay similar messages. In my 35 years of attending shows, this idea that a concert exists solely or primarily for escapism has very rarely been uttered or insinuated from the stage, save for bands like Metallica. it’s a position i have long held a disagreement with, despite receiving a lot of grief for it.

Whether it IS for escapism; whether it’s for connecting with grief, trauma or joy- or even finding sociopolitical connection in it; an artist should never assume that everyone attending is there for the same exact reason, except that, for the most part, people paid to see the show because the music resonates with them on some level.

Sometimes, people connect for ALL of these reasons, combined. A perfect example of a band whose shows hold this combination is Baltimore, Maryland-based Turnstile, whom after an almost 10-year bucket list wish, i finally got to see on September 23rd of this year. There were a number of ‘Fuck ICE’ and ‘Free Palestine’ signs and shirts, which the venue’s camera focused on during many parts of the show. The band, of course, stated these same messages from the stage.

Even more recently, they held a free show (to a crowd of 60,000) in collaboration with the organization Human Concern International at D.C.s Washington Mall (on the 24th of October- the same day i finished a 5K), raising $270,000+ for Palestine, Sudan and Lebanon, more than the original goal of $150,000. To bring the point home vocalist Brendan Yates said, “We’re so grateful to have been raised by this scene, one that taught us that music not only reflects the artist making it but the people and the world and the suffering and the joy that surrounds it.” It should be noted that this concert echoes the ‘Concert For Justice’ (featuring bands such as Fugazi and Bikini Kill), held on Aug 7, 1993, commemorating the 30th anniversary of the March On Washington.

THIS is the punk and hardcore i was raised on: the type that assisted me on my journey of political awareness and building particular ideological frameworks. To say music and politics are diametrically opposed is not only ahistorical; it also doesn’t align with many of the experiences of people around the world.

It really is not that difficult to have fun at a show AND understand/remember there are larger struggles happening in the world. Some of those struggles may be happening to the very people attending the shows- we may never know.

i’ve been amused for a while now by the fact that Brendan Yates’ pre-Turnstile band is called Trapped Under Ice, where he played drums- If you haven’t heard them, go check them out. This amusement has developed into slight internal chuckling, given that the band (which is also the title of a Metallica song) has members who use their platform in ways Hetfield opposes.

It will be a while before i stop mentioning this man’s insinuation (or outright advocacy) that artists using the stage to speak about sociopolitical struggles should be censored.

While writing this piece, i saw a comment which stood out: “And this is why Metallica isn’t relevant.” And while Metallica are one of my all-time favorite bands (for many reasons i’ve written about in the past), the more they actively resist the call for meeting the time, this statement is going to be increasingly accurate. They will most likely continue to accrue a lot of income for years to come; however, outside of being useful to the market (or engineers of capitalism itself), wealth does not necessarily determine cultural relevance.

As the great Bad Religion song states, ‘Everything must cease’.

(i should add that the photo that was recently shared with me of Hetfield locking hands with O’Shea Jackson is not necessarily the progressive message people think or hope/idealize it to be. Both Jackson (aka Ice Cube) and Hetfield share similar, if not the same, class interests, and both- once relatively incendiary artists (especially Ice Cube)- perform ‘centrism’ or ‘apoliticism’ to achieve their objectives. The man who once had songs such as ‘I Wanna Kill Sam’ ultimately had enough faith in his dear ‘Uncle’ to communicate with Donald Trump’s campaign to discuss the ‘Platinum Plan’, which pandered to African communities; he also received criticism for working directly with Elon Musk through the ‘X’ platform- his mama called him Twitter though, so I’ma name him Twitter– via the BIG3, a basketball league founded by Jackson and television/film executive Jeff Kwatinetz.

i guess he’s only true to the game of capitalism at this point, which is diametrically in opposition to where Macklemore stands at this stage of his life: “I’m done playing the game of capitalism and ‘Let me walk the straight and narrow so i don’t offend this person and that person.’ And that was an unlearning.”

There is a particular type of freedom in the unlearning process Macklemore is talking about. It’s a difficult process (and you may lose a lot of people along the way), but it is incredibly freeing.

If Hetfield were pictured to be talking and giving dap to, say, a Haley Williams, someone from Show me The Body, Kneecap, AUS-ROTTEN, Macklemore… someone from Chumbawamba– You know, someone who’s long used their platform in ways he suggests they shouldn’t- then maybe we could say it’s a sign of progress.)

We are seeing who is meeting the time in the midst of struggle in sincere ways- unlike Barack Obama, who now feels ‘safe’ or ‘comfortable’ enough to speak.

In 2012 the centrist Ronald Reagan stan emphatically stated to the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC), “If, during this political season you hear some questions regarding my Administration’s support for Israel, remember that it’s not backed up by the facts. And remember that the U.S.-Israel relationship is simply too important to be distorted by partisan politics. America’s national security is too important. Israel’s security is too important.” Now that he has long since been removed from his direct role as war criminal/face of the imperial core, he looks at Israel’s crimes as a moral issue.

Let’s not forget this gem: “When one-sided resolutions are brought up at the Human Rights Council, we oppose them.” And: “When there are efforts to boycott or divest from Israel, we will stand against them.”

This is the same president who signed off on a 10-year long, $38 billion military assistance package to Israel (aka the Memorandum of Understanding (MOU)), in September of 2016. It was considered to be “the most recent reflection of President Obama’s unshakeable commitment to Israel’s security,” and succeeded “the current $30 billion MOU signed in 2007, which (expired) at the end of FY2018.” This package came in addition to the “over $3 billion in missile defense funding for programs and systems for Israel.”

In Belfast (of all places; don’t worry, we are getting to Kneecap. You’ve never read my writing, have you?), Obama notes that Israel has “ceded moral ground” if they continue to escalate violence against Palestinians. To press this home, he points to Europe as being the center of violence against Jewish people, who “for millennia were oppressed, discriminated against, killed.” This point is quite interesting, given in July of 2009 Obama went to GHANA and said this: “I think part of what’s hampered advancement in Africa is that for many years we’ve made excuses about corruption or poor governance, that this was somehow the consequence of neo-colonialism, or the West has been oppressive, or racism – I’m not a big – I’m not a believer in excuses.”

In Belfast, he continues: “They understandably sought a refuge in a place where they had historic ties. That is undeniable. What is also undeniable is that they took the land of people. They were expelled. And those people understandably said, ‘this is an injustice and i want my land back.'” He adds, “It is incumbent on them to recognize that 7 million Palestinians are not going anywhere… Are you just going to be behind walls and wipe out everybody around you, or are you going to find some just way of defending yourself while still acting in an ethical, moral way?”

This is INCREDIBLY disingenuous. History never forgets, despite the various tools being used to expunge it. Also, when we say there is no difference between Democrats and Republicans… this is what we mean. To this, we will always point to ancestor Glen Ford’s succinctness regarding Obama (and Democrat politicians in general) as being “not the lesser evil, but the more effective evil.”

We can discuss geopolitics under an Obama administration all day- Haiti, Cuba, Ukraine, Yemen, Syria and more; regarding Africa though, the administration not only decided to maintain AFRICOM as an imperialist entity as a means to control the continent’s military, land and resources (despite it being established as Bush was walking out the door); they exacerbated the policies of the previous administration. The US was also heavily in support of the NATO-backed torture and assassination in 2011 of Muammar Gaddafi, the destabilization of the Jamahiriya in Libya, and the Green Resistance. Wherever in the world there’s a socialist and/or anti-imperialist movement, best believe the U.S. will be there to interrupt or outright destroy it, and manufacture consent to the point where portions of the public unquestioningly support it, especially when it comes to the lower half of the map.

So yeah… Don’t blame colonialism, neo-colonialism or imperialism for the material realities existing for Africa, but he could definitely acknowledge that Europe was the root to much of the violence committed onto Jewish people. He’s not incorrect about that last part but again it’s disingenuous, because his actual record as president for two whole terms displays something which is the polar opposite to that sentiment.

And of course, zionists see Obama as being traitorous in his latest turn, because they see anything that isn’t undying and unquestioned loyalty to Israel (which includes billions of dollars in aid) as such. What Obama is doing isn’t traitorous to the status quo or oppressor at all- he’s like many who practice liberalism, where they speaks certain truths when they feel there is no significant risk for them to do so.

(It should be noted that many eyes have been on the elections in Israel (where, as of this writing, it has been reported to be no clear winner). Many are counting on Netanyahu’s loss based on current events; what many are either ignoring or not thinking about is that Netanyahu is not the primary contradiction or problem- the zionist state of Israel itself is. Regardless of who represents the government- Netanyahu, former IOF chief of staff Gadi Eisenkot or anyone else, there will be no cessation of genocide of Palestine’s people, or theft of land. The US will continue to throw billions of dollars at Israel, as it is an imperial outpost. What did Joseph Biden say… forty years ago, in 1986? That geopolitics is guided by “naked self-interest of the U.S.,” and that “Were there not an Israel, the United States of America would have to invent an Israel to protect her interest in the region.”

Blaming Netanyahu single-handedly for Israel’s crimes is not unlike how people blame Donald Trump the crimes of the imperial core, when both have been committing violence since their inception. The core of the lament for many is that their personal comforts have been disrupted to the point where they are forced to take time out of their day to say something. People don’t want their brunch disrupted by a genocide they can see. According to some, police terror is tolerable, as long as it’s not committed by ICE.)

The land of the free… for no one on earth but we. And even then, the people aren’t free.

Seeing Barack Hussein Obama in Belfast, Northern Ireland– a place on the map still directly impacted by British colonialism- insinuate from a safe distance that Israel is performing settler colonialism (and that Palestinians are in the right to fight for their land) is not something i’d ever expect to see.

But here we are.

But then again, are we? If we observe a bit closer at what he’s saying, not only was he ‘both sides-ing’ what is occurring, but he also, like many who practice liberalism are want to do, stated that the people who are resisting their occupiers via the only means they have available are doing it wrong.

Calling for things to be resolved through non-violent means, he said that Palestinians could not “outkill (or) outweaponize the Israelis.” Obama, just like anyone else paying attention knows very well that with the billions his, and other administrations have doled out to Israel, al-Qassam (or any other resistance forces) could never ‘outweaponize’ the IOF. “My immediate goal I would like to see right now would be simply relieving suffering, an actual end to violence, and my hope would be at the bare minimum to stop the current ongoing encroachment into the West Bank, alongside helping Gaza to rebuild.”

Again, this is disingenuous.

The biggest mode of projection in Obama’s speech is this: “If the attitude of Israel is, now that we are the strongest army, most technologically advanced in the region, then our security is dependent on us simply doing whatever we please and taking whatever we want and not making any concessions to anyone- that may work in the short term; it is a disaster for you.”

This is literally the foundation of the U.S., whether it’s Chile, Nicaragua, Iran, Grenada, Panama, México, Guam, Liberia… Whether the Monroe Doctrine, ‘Manifest Destiny’ or the bevy of operations fronted by acronymned organizations; you can replace ‘Israel’ with the ‘U.S’, and thank me later.

We could even discuss Brazil, which ALSO just had an election, resulting in the re-election of Luis Inácio Lula da Silva, winning over Flávio Bolsonaro (who was favored by the U.S., just like his daddy, Jair, who was sentenced to 27 years for devising a plan for a coup). In fact, despite him saying he had no plans to leave, it was reported/alleged/rumored that Bolsonaro and his family were receiving U.S. visas (and flying to Florida) after his loss, despite a Supreme Court order for him to relinquish his passport, due to corruption charges.

There was also a vote which occurred earlier today (as of the date of this piece) at the United Nations General Assembly, where (in its 34th year) 130 countries voted in favor of ending the genocidal blockade on Cuba- and 17 countries (most obviously including the U.S.) voted against it. The U.S. maintains that the exporting of doctors is a criminal act, while this country continues to export weapons to subjugate and destroy whole populations across the globe.

Even with this piece… There are those who have not yet turned away who may be asking, ‘What’s with all of the political talk? I thought this was about music,’ i implore you to read the piece again, and ask why you are resistant to the ‘political talk’, particularly in light of recent events. And also, have you read this blog before?

(Smiles.)

i will always think about how music was a filter and a teacher for me, through which i was encouraged to do research and learn about things happening in the world. Through punk and hardcore in particular, i discovered direct community and alternative sources to the ones capitalism consistently attempts to misinform us with.

There is a particular position i’ve held for a while now, that many reading this may disagree with. It is crucial we stop processing our position on what is happening to Palestinians (or anyone else facing occupation, genocide, theft of resources, and more) as being on the ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ side of history. Like many things, this is an ahistorical position.

History has no moral compass- it just is. If we support the liberation of a people, we should not think of this in terms of rewards, or if history looks upon us positively, especially in light of countless people being magnetized by the bystander effect who, like Obama, waiti until things are of little risk to so much as say something, whether it’s due to fear of retribution, or fear of seeming unpopular. The question we must ask ourselves is if we’re supporting particular struggles because it makes us look good, or if we are doing it because it is something that will ultimately benefit all people.

Being a person of conscience requires work, both internally and externally. With ‘Being on the right side of history’, all it requires is the bare minimum of agreeing that, for example, people should not be bombed to oblivion. Even more specifically, there are people who may support a liberation struggle in theory, while committing intimate partner violence. It’s the slight difference between being an ally/being in support of, and an accomplice/being in solidarity with.

i cannot answer any of these questions for you. Only you can. All i can say is, for many of us reading this; a minute of our discomfort cannot compare to the lifetimes those who have faced violence at the hands of the country i reside continue to face.

Obama was in Belfast to opine that a solution between Palestine and Israel could be something akin to the Good Friday (or Belfast) Agreement, signed on 10 April 1998. The agreement, in which the objective was to enact a truce between the Brits and the Irish (after a 30-year period of ‘The Troubles’), stated: A British-Irish Council (BIC) will be established under a new British-Irish Agreement to promote the harmonious and mutually beneficial development of the totality of relationships among the peoples of these islands.

It is ultimately, a ‘two-state solution’ of sorts.

However, we must ask if what ultimately exists is ‘harmonious and mutually beneficial,’ since Northern Ireland remains a colony of the British, just as Palestine would be a colony of Israel/U.S., under this romanticized ‘two-state solution’.

i said all of that to say this- KNEECAP are from Belfast. And if we know anything about Kneecap, they are vehemently opposed to settler colonialism in all its forms, whether it be Ireland, Palestine, the U.S., Australia, Brazil, Aotearoa (New Zealand) or anywhere else.

Of course, i would have said all of that anyway, but still…

“Mexico and Ireland have two things in common- We both have annoying neighbors, and we both love to drink!” i cannot remember whether Móglaí Bap or Mo Chara said this, but i remember the sentence very well, as it was met with roaring cheers.

Like Turnstile, Kneecap (which also includes DJ Próvaí) have a similar penchant for fun, but also understand they have access to a platform not many others do, so they are going to use it in ways not focused solely on entertainment or escapism. While countless people opine that Rage Against The Machine should make a return given the current state of affairs, we neglect to see the artists currently in existence delivering similar, if not the same, messages: Kneecap, Moor Mother, Rhapsody, Bob Vylan and Carsie Blanton are among many artists who address imperialism, white supremacy, capitalism (and more) outside of a cursory mention or reference.

With a capacity of about 3500, Pabellón Oeste del Palacio de los Deportes is not gigantic, in comparison to other nearby venues. It reminds me of a medium-sized airplane hangar. On this night, it was populated with those who donned keffiyehs, shirts with anti-colonial messaging, and fellow band endorsements.

One of the first things i look for when entering an unfamiliar venue is the accessibility.

i tend to show up massively early to venues, so i am able to be up front, as the designated ‘accessible’ sections tend to be anything but. i had very little problems entering the venue; any time i’ve been in México i’ve been able to communicate relatively well (for a person who understands it much better than i can speak it; i know enough to have basic conversations). i usually open conversations with, “Yo entiendo español mas, pero hablo un poquito.” Whether in countries where the primary language is Spanish (or if i’m speaking with someone in the U.S.), every single person i speak with lights up, because in most cases, English is a language they struggle with, leading us to work together.

Depending on what part of the world someone is from, i am able to understand some better than others- and in Ciudad de México they speak quite fast. While most conversations i’ve had there were completely in Spanish, there were a couple of times a bilingual person came to assist, if they saw me struggling- something i had mixed feelings about. On one end i wanted to get better at conversing without any type of intervention; on another end i understood that people needed to keep things moving. In those situations, i did speak some Spanglish.

Overall, it felt good to be and feel understood, mistakes and all.

In both of the times i’ve gone to see a major concert in CDMX, there is a person designated to be with you throughout the night, something that does not exist in the U.S. at all, in my experience. In smaller clubs, there are people who come in and check in on you on occasion (especially if it is a place you frequent); however, they are not hired specifically to do that job. En la Ciudad de México, this designated person logs your information, for liability purposes.

The person i was with gave me the option of being either on the floor or the accessible platform, which is not what occurred the last time i was at a show, where i was relegated solely to the platform, where i could barely see a thing. i (obviously) opted for the platform in this case, especially after i saw what it looked like, since i wouldn’t be able to see anything from the floor. It was in the rear of the venue- a common spot i am not a fan of, as there should be accessible spots all throughout a venue, including close to the stage, to present options. As the venue was not that big, even though it wasn’t totally easy to make out faces; despite being in the back, the folks on stage didn’t look like complete ants.

The one nice thing about where we were located is that it was a bit behind the soundboard; anyone who regularly attends shows most likely knows that the soundboard is the most optimal place to be around, because that is where people are going to sound the best. Despite it looking like a hangar, this venue had some of the best sound i heard in my life.

The other thing i check for (in regards to accessibility) is the bathroom situation.

Whenever i look at these stalls, i think about people who use anything beyond a basic manual wheelchair, like the one i use. Anyone who uses a larger electric wheelchair with various accessories is going to have a much more difficult time finding a place to do their business, because if the stalls come fairly close to not having much room for my wheelchair, where are they going to go? Not only are the stalls smaller; for a venue that fits a capacity of a few thousand people, having only one accessible stall is curious.

This was one of the better venues of its type, but overall, we have got to do so much better to account for the needs of varying disabilities.

Whenever i travel to México, i always make a new friend; this time was no different, as i met the wonderful Yam. One thing which NEVER happens to me while traveling though, is that i end up seeing an already existing friend at a show.

Jim Ruland (who just released a new novel) and i live on opposite ends of the country, so it was a wonderful surprise to find out a day before the show that he would ALSO be seeing Kneecap. As i was over by the food queue waiting to pay for the palomitas i got, he appeared in front of me. We embraced, and walked/rolled over to the accessible section, where we watched the show. He introduced me to his longtime friend/travel partner John, who brought his daughter with him.

Kneecap’s music depicts the range of human experiences, whether it’s relating to reminiscing over a night of getting fucked up, hanging out with friends, experiencing lust (or love), or stating opposition to colonialism. Those who have never listened to them (and are only familiar with their political stances) observe them as being ‘too serious’, or ascetic in a way.

Far too many of us are conditioned to see things as binary- whether it’s gender or perceptions of music; we are never encouraged to recognize divergence or nuance. Nothing is static, and this includes the human experience.

The set design was fairly basic, yet extremely effective. Besides the DJ deck (and the table with the deck was placed on) displaying Palestinian and Irish flags, there were the screens. Despite being at the back of the venue, i was able to see everything clearly; in fact, what was happening on the screens made the stage look larger than life, proving that one doesn’t need an enormous venue for things to work.

Kneecap, ‘Better way To Live’

In the middle of the set, a woman (who, if i’m not mistaken was Nadya R. H. Rasheed, the current ambassador for the Palestinian Embassy in México) came out to say a brief speech, then lead a chant of, “¡Palestina Libre!” My heart felt so warm to be surrounded by thousands of Mexican leftists who didn’t feel like they were too cool to let loose, who enthusiastically chanted throughout the night, and who clearly understood the messages, even if speaking a different language than the band they came to see. Many actually understood well enough to sing along.

You very rarely see this same energy at all for larger shows in the U.S., save for bands like Turnstile.

The rise of the use of Gaeilge among young people (which i would have no doubt Kneecap contributed to) is something that’s been in mainstream conversation as of late. Having been to Ireland twice- Dublin and Belfast, it was wonderful to see Irish signs everywhere.

Kneecap use a combination of Irish and English in their music, and on a few songs they flashed quick translations on the screen.

After an amazing set (which consisted of many crowd favorites, and banter which connected Éire to México) another heartwarming moment was seeing almost everyone stay, crowdsurfing and all, as the international antifascist anthem ‘Bella Ciao’ played, treating it as another song on Kneecap’s set.

THIS is the kind of show i always want to be at.

THIS is why México is beloved by many, when it comes to shows.

THIS is why James Hetfield (as much as i love his band) is incorrect in his position, and deserves all of the smoke for it.

Gracias, Ciudad de México, por invitarme.

After being booted from Ed Sheeran’s tour, Macklemore kept it pushing and saw the experience as an opportunity, making the move to formulate a ‘Free Palestine’ tour, in which all three dates (in Dublin (IR), Paris (FR) and London (UK)) immediately sold out. According to Macklemore, Kneecap (along with Hozier) immediately said yes to the call.

Bisan Owda opened the concert (in Dublin, fittingly) with a virtual message: “Today, I have one important word to tell you, from me and my people,” followed by a beautiful montage of ‘Welcomes’ from the people of Palestine, from youth to elders. She then closed the montage by saying, “Welcome to ‘Free Palestine’ tour!”

Those of us (including myself) know the time and work it takes to coordinate a single show. For Macklemore to coordinate THREE shows (which sold out immediately), ensure all logistics and collaborations are solid within ONE to TWO WEEKS, then having those shows be a reality within ONE MONTH is pretty incredible. The show included artists such as Beoga (Ed Sheeran’s accompanying band who dropped out in solidarity) and dead prez.

This is certainly proof of the understanding of what’s at stake- not only for artists, but in relation to people facing occupation and violence at the behest of our tax dollars.

All of the footage i saw was filled with massive amounts of joy- not the anger that activists, organizers and protest artists are perceived to consistently have by the ‘It’s not that deep’ crowd. For those folks i would ask, ‘Why aren’t you angry?’ And also, ‘anger does not symbolize eternal unhappiness.’ As the highly contradictory John Lydon once sang, ‘Anger is an energy.’ Utilize it in productive ways.

If the majority of people who stay in these parasocial relationships with celebrities practiced the same levels of militancy around liberation as they do for the people they don’t even know, we’d be in a much better place.
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To connect everything together and to close this out (finally, right?), i will post a portion of an interview ancestor Che Guevara did with Seán Egan, of Ireland’s RTÉ News, from 1964. Felima Archer acted as an impromptu translator.

It is crucial to remember that our struggles are aligned, and we must practice international solidarity, in order to ensure this planet’s survival.

Saoirse Don Phailistín, an lá ar fad, gach lá.

¡Cuba Sí! ¡Bloqueo No!

&

El pueblo unido jamás será vencido… ¡Venceremos!

Bella ciao, camaradas. Un abrazo a todos (si los aceptáis).

Posted in art, commentary, concerts, disability, freedom, justice, life, music, politics, technology | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Thoughts on James Hetfield’s Comments, From A Pan-Africanist, Leftist Hardcore Metallica Appreciator

My ‘One’ and ‘St. Anger’ tattoos

Honestly, i mulled over writing about this, particularly since i’ve addressed, in depth, my struggles with James Hetfield’s positions in the past. i’ve also been very open in the grief i got from friends due to my love of the band, and eventual cessation in listening to them for a while, because of some of those positions.

i eventually did return listening to them (obviously); and while they were a not insignificant part of my life up to that point, it wasn’t until 2021 (when i was involved in a near-fatal accident where i lost a limb) where their music became a significant part of my healing journey. i’ve also written about the points where their music has literally saved my life, inspiring me to call the hotline, as i was seconds away from ending my life.

i do not take my experience with, and feelings about, this band for granted. i consider Lars Ulrich to be my biggest musical inspiration, and have said as much to him. He’s also been there in my life, in most of the the moments i’ve met him, when i was at my lowest moments- from being directly in the midst of ideation, to having experienced an assault from a man at one of their shows.

i’ve met everyone in the band, and they’ve all been incredibly gracious. i participated in their official documentary. i’m even about to attend a couple of shows at the Sphere (in Las Vegas) to commemorate my 50th cycle on this planet.
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i decided to write this piece because i’ve been encountering a lot of declarative statements/assumptions regarding James Hetfield’s recent comments: “I just gotta say; Metallica’s not here, like some other entertainers, to influence you with their bullshit, okay? We’re here to forget about all the outside shit. Metallica’s agenda is love, energy, and heavy music, baby!”

It’s crucial that we address the primary issue- What Hetfield said here is hardly anything new. He has uttered this exact same message for at least 20 years at this point, perhaps even going back to the mid-late 90s. The primary critiques stem from what are being observed as similarities to Ed Sheeran’s recent comments, in light of Macklemore being booted as an opener from his tour, at the behest of zionist Robert Kraft: “I have always used my platform and music to bring people from all backgrounds and cultures together and this won’t ever change… I choose to use my fame and platform to be a place of safety and sanctuary, to maintain diplomacy and keep the conversations open, not closed.”

i would not have known about Hetfield’s comments, had friends not texted me with this news. i’ve been avoiding as much as possible about these Sphere shows, so as to not get spoilers, but alas, here we are. In making the decision to write this, i decided to actually listen to Hetfield’s comments for myself, versus maintaining a focus on the headlines which were presented to me.

James Hetfield did not appear angry or spiteful. He came with the same energy he always did, when making this same comment at almost every show i’ve seen- and i have seen the band 29 times at this point. Every single time he’s delivered this message, i maintained that i wholeheartedly disagreed with it for one reason and one reason only: making a generalized, ‘everyone’s welcome’ statement is still going to isolate someone, even if that isn’t your intent.

If you are advocating for a safe space for everyone in attendance, this ultimately means that it is imperative that fascism, racism, predation, ageism, homophobia, transphobia, and all of the other forms of toxic and hateful ideologies and action be prohibited from the venue, thereby isolating that portion of the community. If you say ‘everyone is welcome’, then the venue may not be a safe space for everyone, as many of us have actively seen in our show-going experiences.

i maintain that EVERY band and artist should stand ten toes down and take a clear position against the toxic elements of the communities which attend shows.

Given that, like most bands of that caliber, Metallica take a ‘everyone is welcome’ position, you are going to have people aligned with fascism and imperialism (like police and military), racists, misogynists and more at these shows… which again is ultimately not a safe space for all.

Regardless of what position you take, someone is going to be isolated. This is something those who claim ‘apoliticism’ need to understand. Taking an ‘apolitical’ position is still a position; it is one which sides with the status quo, and in many cases, the primary oppressors which exist for the majority of the world.
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As much as i vehemently disagree with James’ intent for these types of comments (and again, have for years), i don’t consider his intent to be malicious.

i not only vehemently disagree because everything is political (due to social and class delineations being forced upon us, among other things- you can never be apolitical in a society with such stark hierarchies as ones existing under capitalism); but also, art has never not been political. Hetfield, who is a ginormous fan of bands such as Discharge, should know this.

Effective art has always reflected the will of the masses, whether it was Africans utilizing gospel to inform them of ways to escape their enslavers; whether it was jazz artists depicting the sentiments of the Watts (California) rebellion, to ‘What’s Going On’ reflecting on the impact of the invasion of Vietnam, to Public Enemy, Kreator, Testament, Miriam Makeba, Bad Religion, Odetta, Leadbelly, Propagandhi, Cattle Decapitation and Napalm Death; to bands like Panopticon, the Linda Lindas and so many more.

It does say something that for many, the songs interpreted in the catalog as ‘political’ (even if Metallica don’t see it that way) have the most impact, which is why Hetfield’s comments have been met with disappointment, sadness and (st.) anger- you know i had to do it.

We must remember though, that the band never took a clear position as a collective, outside of ‘apoliticism’. And despite the intention being ‘good’, the delivery was ultimately poor.
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Because of the expectations that at one point, Metallica were a ‘political’ band, it is interpreted that James’ comments are connected to his wealth.

i do not consider the primary role of apoliticism to be directed by wealth; as we can see, apoliticism certainly does not apply to billionaire CEOs who exploit labor and steal resources. They’re pretty open in where their ideological and political loyalties lie. There have also been particular figures who rejected their class positions, and organized for revolution, such as Fidel Castro.

From my observation, the many people we see claim ‘apoliticism’ (particularly in later years) never exactly had a clear political, ideological or organizational home. A lot of people who claim ‘apoliticism’ were being incendiary for the sake of it, or were performing their idea of ‘anti-authoritarianism’- but they never specifically identified as being on the left, or even liberal.

i look at Metallica in similar ways. Many lament the end of a ‘revolutionary’ band, due to their more recent trajectories, but if we really pay attention, the lyrical content of the band has been fairly general: ‘War bad’ or ‘Control of people bad’- a position many people take, regardless of where one stands ideologically. There is this idea that taking an ‘anti-war’ position is inherently liberal, when it’s clear that in my lifetime, presidential administrations led by Democrats were just as imperialist and war hawk-y as the Republicans. Both parties have never fully ceased the blockade on Cuba. Both parties have utilized both soft and hard power to extract resources and gain political control in Africa- AFRICOM being a major example. Both parties have blank checked billions into supporting Israel’s crimes. Both parties have participated and supported regime changes around the world, in their favor. Both parties have contributed to funding police and surveillance states, as well as the increase of corporate mergers.

Metallica exist very much like the Ramones did, and like many other bands do: You have members who are more conservative/right leaning, and others who are liberals, and they coexist. They coexist among each other, just like we do with our blood relatives, or coworkers and peers. There is a particular expectation put onto a band- a band which again, exists in the same ways many of us do.

How many among us proclaim ‘neutrality’ and don’t struggle with those in our lives, in order to ‘keep the peace’? How different is that from Hetfield’s intent?

Not delivery, but intent.

Despite this reality, Hetfield’s comment has been interpreted as one the band fully endorses, of course by many who don’t necessarily follow the band in any significant way outside of the headlines.

The band’s collective stance on ‘not endorsing any particular political positions’ is (obviously) also one i vehemently disagree with. And i knew it was a take that would one day come to haunt them. While they have taken this position for decades (even during the …And Justice For All days), i think it was strengthened due to what i call the ‘2008 fiasco’ of James endorsing his band’s music being used for torture (another thing i wrote about in my piece mentioned earlier, and the primary reason i stopped listening to them for a while). Lars (in particular) and Kirk publicly came out and had to state they emphatically disagreed with how their music was being used. Not only was this not in alignment with their personal politics; they also understood that this fucked with Metallica’s brand.

While the band is not going to leave totally scathed; despite Hetfield’s most recent snafu (ironically an acronym stemming from the US military, meaning “Situation normal: all fucked up”) being not as harmful, it again, is far too close to the recent slate of events that it potentially could negatively impact their brand in some ways.
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i don’t think i could be any clearer that i disagree with both the band’s intent in order to ‘keep the peace’, and with Hetfield’s comment. i also disagree with most interpretations of the comment.

Before even listening, i disagreed with any interpretation that he was being ‘anti woke’, or ‘pro Israel’, because i’m so used to the countless times i’ve heard the comment. It’s simply another way of saying, ‘We don’t care whether or not you eat meat, what your race, political stripe, religion, etc. is’- something James has said numerous times. At this point we all understand that James is more conservative leaning (and is for sure, a second amendment guy); he’s also been more openly accepting of varying experiences, languages, cultures and people- even since 2008.

Hetfield’s personal feelings about ‘wokeness’, or anything else, did not appear to be congruent with how he delivered the comment.

i may definitely be wrong on my interpretation as well; however, given his patterns, i interpret his comment to be more libertarian in nature, if you will- not the original anarchist libertarianism, but the one appropriated by people who hold similar views as Hetfield. It is a more reactionary ‘anti-authoritarian’ perspective: No one- whether artist, individual or government- should tell anyone how to live their life.

Comparing this scenario to Sheeran’s response, to me, is incorrect; because while Hetfield has publicly said he doesn’t follow politics (which does seem kind of disingenuous to me given some things (like him supporting the West Memphis 3 and hanging out with Ukranian soldiers), he never said on stage at that moment, ‘Metallica aren’t political’. He said, ‘Metallica aren’t here to influence you’. To me, this is on brand with Hetfield’s choice of libertarianism.

Fervent zionists David Draimon and Sharon Osbourne stepping in and supporting the band due to these comments clearly will not assuage any anxieties that they are in support of the genocide of Palestinian people, which again, for me, was not read in Hetfield’s delivery. While i understand that he may have potentially been addressing particular individuals, i interpreted his emphasis of the word entertainers as not targeting anyone specific. i think his comment was a general passive-aggressive grievance that he and his band be expected to comment on particular issues (whether on stage, or in interviews), and that this should not be an artist’s role, because music is about escapism- again, a position i wholeheartedly disagree with.

Music should indeed be a space that is fun, but to state that music is, or should be primarily about escapism is ahistorical. Not even pop music historically has been all about escapism.

Hetfield’s position is also a bit disingenuous to me, given that there was a whole entire documentary greenlit by the band (again, a documentary i was in), which interviewed people who felt inspired by their music in the midst of war, political violence, and all sorts of trauma. Did people feel a sense of escape in some capacity? Of course! However, we all connected with the music because of our respective situations.
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The thing which perturbs me the most about the range of interpretations and complaints i’ve seen is the assumption that most people who love the band (and are attending the Sphere shows) are rich, similarly ‘apolitical’ and are conservative/right wing.

It is absolutely undeniable (and unfortunate) that a not insignificant portion of the fan base aligns with Hetfield’s position. Given that one of the objectives of the documentary (according to Lars) was to show the range and diversity of the community- a diversity i am increasingly seeing for myself with every show and conversation, i consider it absolutely unfair to assume this is a majority position.

It warmed my heart to see, among the crowd during their more recent London (UK) show, a young man wearing a Palestinian shirt. i could only imagine the hurt he’d feel, if Hetfield’s intent was to decidedly take a position on the side of Israel. While he did not do that, his comment about music being an escape from ‘outside shit’ is undoubtedly callous- again, in light of many recent events. After those two hours, a lot of us have to face the ‘outside shit’ he never has to experience.

i can think of many a band who has said on stage, that music is a way of bringing us together as a means of healing from the pain of ‘outside shit’, while at the same time, saying ‘Free Palestine’- Turnstile, a band James also loves, is one of the biggest examples of doing this. Not every band is KNEECAP (a band i am currently in Mexico City to see, as they are not allowed in the US) or Macklemore; but every band CAN make a statement, and keep it moving.

There are plenty of young people (who are politically aware), many from colonized communities, and folks who have to budget their income who love this band. People who share a criticism of the comment hold a position on the other end of the spectrum of those who monopolize ticket pricing: It’s inconceivable that someone who doesn’t have a heap of expendable income would want to see bands like Metallica.

It also falls along the lines of what Hetfield is saying: that music is entertainment, and people at the margins trying to connect with it in any other way is ‘bullshit’.
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Even with all of the criticism i hold for Hetfield (and the band)’s decided ‘apoliticism’; i also hold empathy for him. i can only imagine how horrible or remorseful he feels after this fallout, via a comment he most likely had no ill intent to make. The band has actively done a lot of work to repair their past actions, and because he’s not actively on social media (as far as i know), i am not sure how aware he understood the impact of these words, because they’re similar to something he’s said countless times, with little fanfare, outside of the base.

Just as (again) Hetfield’s intent was not to be malicious (at least i don’t view it as such); neither is my intent. Metallica is one of my favorite bands of all time (if you didn’t guess with all of the posts i’ve made on this site); and similar to many of the bands and artists i love, if i were to only listen to bands i staunchly aligned with ideologically and politically, my vinyl collection would be one box in the Kallax. Even Amiri Baraka (RIP) fucked up one time with his support of Obama, which he massively regretted.

If the band were collectively/openly echoing conspiracy theories which put people in harm’s way, spouting stochastic violence and openly supporting fascism and/or white supremacy (among other indefensible things), i’d absolutely reinstate my moratorium.

While it is important to have a space for critiquing our favorite artists, it is equally as important we actively practice self-criticism, and examine our own contradictions. It is easier to critique Hetfield because in our circles he holds the ‘incorrect politics’. However, there are many of us who identify as ‘leftist’ who have reiterated status quo sentiments and actions, whether it’s the emphasis on electoral politics (and not moving past that), whether it’s wholesale disagreeing with how people facing occupation and genocide are utilizing resistance, or whether it’s (again) not actively struggling with the people closest to us, in order to do the work needed to struggle in the outside world.

This critique is, of course, in love. Love of the band, and love of my fellow lefties.

Someone i’ve recently developed a friendship with reminded me of the wonderful lyrics to the aptly titled (for this piece) Propagandhi song ‘Apparently I’m a “P.C. Fascist” (Because I Care About Both Human and Non-Human Animals)’, and i will echo them here:

I’ll call you on your shit, please call me on mine
Then we can grow together, and make this shit-hole planet better in time

Posted in concerts, documentary, life, music, politics | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

jamilah’s OffThe Dome Response To Ed Sheeran’s Philadelphia Speech

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-88t3a-1b63f52

In the middle of editing another episode, jamilah had an ADHD moment and decided to record instantaneous thoughts regarding this latest episode of the ‘Sheeran debacle’.  She actually has a whole response about the debacle at large (which is part of a longer episode and has not been uploaded yet); therefore, this one comes first, as the chain of events has been happening quickly.  

She really DOES hope this is the last she’ll talk about this guy.  

If you have any thoughts on this debacle, we’re at: musicandwepodcast@gmail.com.

 

Posted in documentary, michael jackson | Leave a comment

Mother And Child (Podcast) Reunion: A Conversation With Anne And Russell Watson

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-kfe6d-1b41d1a

(RECORDED ON AUGUST 21, 2026) Throughout our lives, we may meet anywhere from dozens to thousands of people, either virtually or (hopefully) in person.  Most of those we meet, it may only be for a moment.  Other times, it may develop into a friendship.

jamilah met mother and son Anne and Russell Watson at a dinner, facilitated by mutual friend Anthony, who (with his sons) made a documentary highlighting the Metallica community.  jamilah and Russell immediately bonded in their own ways, and after that meeting she began texting with Anne, ultimately forming a friendship. 

In the course of these few years, jamilah has gotten to witness Russell’s precociousness (without the pretension) and his musical growth and journey- where currently, he’s formed his own band, and is a Gibson artist.  Anne has been there watching the growth, navigating the protective role of a parent, while simultaneously letting go, in order for him to explore this life’s journey on his own terms.  

In their conversation, they discuss everything from feeling supported, the gift of letting go, having space to be oneself, foundations, being a creative person in the age of generative AI, trusting intuition, being a Gibson/G3 artist, and Metallica as a spiritual band, and our shared experience of Lars Ulrich entering our lives at the most emotionally crucial moments.  

Thanks for listening!

(The intro song is ‘Mother And Child (The Ballad Of Anne And Russell)’, by Teodora’s Fist)

If you’re interested in staying aware of Russell’s journey, go to https://russellwatsonguitar.com/.

If you wanna send us a word (or two, or several), we’re at: musicandwepodcast@gmail.com.

 

 

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A Beautiful Understanding In An Ugly World: A Conversation With Napalm Death’s Barney Greenway

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-yaftu-1b371cc

(RECORDED ON AUGUST 13, 2026) Napalm Death is a band which was birthed in 1981; throughout the various creative and lineup shifts, there has been one constant:  their message.  She cannot remember where she specifically learned about them, but it was sometime in the 90s where jamilah ‘discovered’ them, connecting with their messages- thus becoming one of her favorites, to this day.  

Barney Greenway (Napalm Death’s vocalist since 1990) has been considered to be an major inspiration for many, including jamilah.  Anyone could utter a bunch of lyrics; however, the reason why Barney has been met with a great ton of respect is because of his sincerity, honesty, and conviction.  

Because of this, she had been hoping for years to have a deeper conversation with him (beyond what she hears in the music, or possibly, interviews he’s given).  Given that Barney is an incredibly busy individual, she does not take for granted that he, like anyone else who comes on the podcast, took a bit of time out of his swamped schedule to expound on several of his positions on life, politics, music, and human relationships.

Being familiar with some of Barney’s very public positions, jamilah anticipated there would be some ideological differences in the conversation.   Both Barney and jamilah ultimately agree on the same objective- peace; the difference is in the path in which they achieve it.   In an environment where differences in ideas and approaches are defined as negative/opposition; episodes like these are what we absolutely look forward to, whether it’s discussing music, politics, or anything else.  The key is in approaching all conversations in a humanistic way.  It also helps to sharpen the muscle that is the brain. 

‘Echo chamber’ podcasts- where everyone concurs with every single point, every single time, are boring.  They also ignore that people have varying life experiences which have led us to the points we currently are.  And where we are now isn’t even static.  

We knew Barney would come through, and would not disappoint. 

They say the older one gets, the less they are willing to adapt to change; either that, or they become more conservative or right wing.  jamilah has had far too many experiences which counter this- the conversation with Barney being one of those.

More than anything, amid these differences in ideological paths was unity on a majority of things.  After the conversation, jamilah developed an even greater respect for Barney for again, never wavering from his convictions, while simultaneously having an openness to learn and grow/change, if that contributes to the larger objective of liberation of all beings. Hopefully more conversations could be had between them in the future, whether it’s on the podcast, before or after a show, or in a random place in the world- it could be about politics, noisy music, cats, cinema, humor…  or anything.

They spoke on everything from honoring the spectrum of human experiences and emotions, how to not be jaded, accessibility of venues, the path to peace (of course), ‘dying with dignity’, rejecting heroism, toxic ‘fans’, and more!

Thanks so much for listening!

If you’d like to talk about how Napalm Death inspires you, your favorite songs/moments/etc…  or if you just wanna send a word of encouragement, we’re at: musicandwepodcast@gmail.com

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Lou Barlow’s 60th Birthday: An Exercise In Gratitude, Gracefulness And Community

One of my all-time favorite lyricists, Chris Hannah (of Propagandhi) very recently sang a poignant line regarding “the cruel ravages of time”:“We have a simple choice to make/Lament the decline or welcome it with grace.”

As a person who cannot remember a time where i DIDN’T look forward to getting older (perhaps as a reaction to the trauma of youth); i never understood the fear of aging on an intrinsic level. Certainly, i can comprehend it on a theoretical or sociopolitical level (as society is set up to throw away anyone whose labor it cannot exploit). However, someone being afraid to reveal their age, i never got- until recently.

If we think of getting older as solely a process of increasing numbers, we are perhaps more inclined to fear (or lament) it. If we recognize it for the journey it is

As the decades roll on we become much more aware of our mortality; but we also can reflect on the people and events that have shaped our lives, whether positive or negative. How we respond to this shaping is the most valuable part of the journey.

This is not some plea for a metaphysical Secret/’law of attraction’-type approach: As a materialist, i recognize there are some incredibly positive things that can happen for us, and incredibly not-so-positive things. In fact, i am a person who thinks a lot about when the other shoe is gonna drop, if you will. This isn’t a positive trait either (and is most likely a deep seated trauma reaction).

What i am ultimately saying is, in most cases (barring major events- like, say, genocide, abuse or any other types of trauma), it’s best to remain neutral and acknowledge both positive and not so positive events as lessons in life’s journey. Solely seeing the value of things for when life goes your way is not honoring the journey in the lessons you could be learning from all of your experiences.

And if nothing ‘bad’ ever happens to us (again, barring the previously mentioned factors)- If we were all able to ‘will’ or ‘attract’ only subjectively positive things- can the life we’re living actually be called a journey?
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My journey with Lou Barlow of course, began initially with his art.

i saw my life at the time similarly in ways i’d described Sebadoh (one of the many musical endeavors of his i’d obsessively listen to)- an awkward, shy, hopelessly romantic kid, with a penchant for sonic chaos. The aural disjointedness reflected or expressed what was happening with me at the time. Sebadoh created a perfect balance in my mind- As i headbanged to Eric Gaffney and Jason Loewenstein’s punk-laden anthems, i also cried as i longingly gazed at my unrequited crush, listening to Barlow’s ballads.

Of course as a punk/hardcore kid, i listened to Deep Wound, and as someone who picked up anything i could find that was released on the SST label, i listened to Dinosaur Jr. i never limited myself to any one genre, and i would go to the store and pick up anything Barlow had a hand in creating, be it Sentridoh, Folk Implosion, his solo works, or anything else.

i’d be in bands over the years where we covered some of these songs, and many years later, i decided to challenge myself and do an interpretation of one of my all-time favorite Sebadoh songs- ‘Think (Let Tomorrow Bee)’, where i played all of the instruments (drums, keys, bass, guitar and vocals).

Many many years ago as a teenager with a fanzine, i traveled to Massachusetts to both hang out with friends and and interview John Davis (the other half of Folk Implosion); while i had (older) friends who experienced the scenes there; it felt like such a remote world to me. i don’t remember much of what was said at this point (and i’m sure as a teenager my questions were awkward and not that deep), but i was grateful Mr. Davis took the time out of his day to spend some time with me, and reflect on his experiences.

At the time, i was obsessed with Take a Look Inside, the band’s 1994 debut album. i honestly don’t know how i found out about this album specifically, but as a Barlow music enthusiast i was not surprised that i did.

One year later the band exploded in popularity, as they contributed to the soundtrack of the Larry Clark-directed controversial film Kids.

The Folk Implosion headlined a show in NYC during this time, not long after the conversation i had with John Davis; the venue was fairly large, so i don’t recall ever having a chance to say hello to him. However, sometime throughout the night i saw Lou Barlow in the crowd. i wanted to say hello to the person who was one of my biggest musical inspirations, and one of my all-time favorite songwriters. i saw him glancing in my direction- and as i waved hello to him he glared at me.

HE GLARED AT ME.

i was crushed. i did laugh it off and enjoyed the rest of my night, but it was something i could not get out of my mind.

Obviously, his glare had very little to do with me- there’s the possibility he was having pre-show jitters; he could have not been in the greatest of moods that day in general. It’s possible he wasn’t even looking directly at me. Anything could have been happening at the moment, but it was one of a handful of times the ‘never meet your heroes’ cliche was confirmed for me.

i don’t adhere to the concept of ‘heroes’ in general (since the hierarchy of ‘looking up’ to a person requires a loss of self in a way, as well as the reduction of understanding that these people are also that- people). But yes, at the time, in my teenage mind i did look to Barlow as a musical ‘hero’ of sorts.
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Lou Barlow (L), with Bobby Bare Jr., 5 May 2025 (Mercury Lounge, NYC)

i’m gonna be realistic though: The passage of time is real. if i were to approach many of the people i’ve met throughout my life now, i doubt all but a few would remember me.

Over the course of 33+ years i’ve had a zine, was in a bunch of bands, performed live, seen hundreds of other bands live, done radio for 11 years (in Portland, Oregon)- and i grew up in NYC. It would be an understatement to say that i’ve met many artists and musicians. Some of them i would end up becoming friendly with, and even shared an actual friendship with to some degree, spending time at their houses, and with their families.

That was a different time in my life- a time i will always cherish, and do not take for granted. That said, despite all of the more recent traumas and trials (some of them near fatal and life long), i feel like i am in the best part of my life- i am in the process of accepting myself in all of my imperfect forms (and giving myself criticism when necessary), i have a wonderful, empathetic and compassionate life partner, i live with two beautiful cat parents, and am opening myself to just say yes to things i want to do (even if it might result in a no).

If i were to compare life to a song (as it were), i’d echo Michael Jackson at Motown 25, after he performed with his brothers, about to perform the song which catapulted him into the artist we would all come to know- ‘Billie Jean’: “I have to say those were… the good old days… Those were magic moments. Those were good songs. I like those songs a lot. But especially, I like the new songs.”

i do not have a fear of death, but i do have an aversion to not living life.
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May 5, 2025 was the evening i officially met Lou Barlow- years after experiencing the rejection i’d fabricated internally.

It was at Mercury Lounge, where he was on a tour with Bobby Bare Jr. (of Guided By Voices (and his own solo work)). Both Bare and Barlow would cover songs (including each others’) as well as do originals. It’s been many years since i’ve seen Barlow in any live capacity, so i was quite excited to see him, without any expectation of actually meeting him. Like with anything else, i’m neutral; if it happens, it does. If it doesn’t happen, i still had a fun time, listening to good music.

i will not say i wasn’t gonna take a chance though.

After the show i had a nice conversation with Bobby Bare Jr., who was at the merch table. We talked about Metallica’s 2008 show at Grimey’s (the famed record store in Nashville, Tennessee), among other things. Floating about, i saw Lou on stage cleaning up after himself and collecting his instruments. i asked one of the other folks on stage to get him. He approached me, and after a few words he mentioned my Bad Religion hoodie, so we spent a bit of time talking about them, in particular the Public Service compilation they were on (released in 1981 on Smoke 7 Records).

i saw him again the 30th of April 2026 at Le Poisson Rouge (also in New York City), where he played a set before Jeffrey Lewis & The Voltage. After his set he said he would be at the merch table, so i bolted over there- again, with no expectations.

i did go to the merch table prior to his set and met Adelle, Lou’s wife. She is incredibly sweet. When i met Adelle, she was surprised i was familiar with her. i am familiar with her because i’d been listening to their podcast, Raw Impressions, for a while now.

Remember how i mentioned that people are just that- people? Their podcast is utter proof of this. i enjoy their honest banter; i enjoy the love and respect she and Lou have for each other. i enjoy their conversations around the struggles and joys of getting older (greatly resonating with Adelle’s discussions on perimenopause), and discussing watching their kid(s) grow and come into their own. i enjoy Lou’s updated takes on classic songs (and creations of new ones), and discussing his youthful excitement about hardcore 45s. It is legitimately one of my favorite podcasts.
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i am told by friends that i’m memorable, but i don’t necessarily see myself in that way at all. Many artists i meet with a significant level of fame or notoriety meet hundreds of people, sometimes in a day, and thousands of people every year. i could not expect anyone to remember me. i’m (again) fairly neutral on this, and while i would love for everyone i meet to see something memorable/extraordinary about my personality, i acknowledge that isn’t necessarily a reality.

After the set i saw Lou- and to my surprise, he did remember me, and my Bad Religion hoodie.

Lou Barlow will never be a hero to me (because no one is); however, while he continues to this day to be one of my biggest musical inspirations, i am also learning greatly from him as a person, in the little i’ve seen for myself. i am familiar with some of the struggles he’s had (as he’s been quite public about them); but he’s lived so much of a life i will never know for the most part. Besides what his music has meant for me, as i approach the middle period of my life (i am ten years his junior), meeting him has been inspiring for me. It warms my heart to have met someone with such childlike wonder, while also welcoming the aging process with maturity and grace.

Lou, myself and Adelle, 30 April 2026 (Le Poisson Rouge, NYC)

The next time i saw him was on May 30, 2026, at the Total Bummer Festival in Queens, NY, where Dinosaur Jr. were headlining. Given that the Knockdown Center is a warehouse-sized large venue, i again had no expectation i would see him, or anyone else.

As a person who travels primarily in a wheelchair i struggle with festivals, as festivals in general are not all that accessible. Because of this, you can’t freely see all the bands you want, and you’re inclined to stay in one spot the whole time, to your consternation. Fortunately, the folks i met there were kind enough to hold my spot as i traveled to other parts of the venue.

As i was waiting to see Flipper (another one of my favorite bands), i felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Lou. We hugged, and he introduced me to his son. i handed him a record i made. Both he and his son watched a few songs of Flipper’s set, then left, presumably to prepare for Dinosaur Jr.’s set.

Before getting back to the main room to see Dinosaur, i watched the Meat Puppets (another all-time favorite band). Before their set i spoke a bit with (guitarist) Elmo Kirkwood about tattoos, and Cris Kirkwood told me he loved my hair. i told him i loved his band. “Really?” he asked. i responded, “You’re one of my favorite bands of all time.”

i would never lie about something like that. If he followed that up with asking me what my favorite songs were, i was ready for that too.

Speaking of bass players (which Cris Kirkwood is), there are several whom i love watching- players who have an unmistakable, sometimes unorthodox style. While this list certainly isn’t all-inclusive, some i’m thinking of at the moment are Jay Bentley (Bad Religion), Shane Embury (Napalm Death), Todd Kowalski (Propagandhi), Greg Norton (Hüsker Dü), Sean Yseult (White Zombie), Mark King (Level 42), Ben Shepherd (Soundgarden), Graham Maby (Joe Jackson band), Mike Watt, and Lou Barlow.

i initially played guitar in bands (and eventually moved to drums), despite always having an affinity for it (My two favorite bassists are James Jamerson and Meshell Ndegeocello, and it is Joe Lally who was my biggest inspiration, making me want to pick up the instrument in the first place). It wasn’t until after i got hit by a truck when i regularly started playing. Given that i’m still a baby in the larger scheme of things, i don’t think i have a particular playing style- but ultimately that’s not up for me to decide. Other bass players can let me know what they think.

Since this piece is about a certain person named Lou, i’ll discuss what i appreciate about his style- not as a fellow bass player (if i could even call myself that), but as a music lover.

  • His playing is a dialog between the chaotic and the methodical.
  • He plays exactly like a guitar player. No… he plays like a guitar player. No, i don’t think you understand what i mean. He plays like a guitar player. Or is it a ukulele player?
  • His antsiness is a perfect balance to J Mascis’ more stoic delivery.
  • He and (drummer) Murph have a particular playful language they communicate to one another, without saying a word.
  • He’s not there merely to contribute root notes and stay quiet- in the tradition of Lemmy Kilmister or Phil Lynott (or Mike Watt), the bass is far from a background instrument.
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Despite our meeting a few times, it should be obvious to anyone and everyone that i do not know Lou Barlow. Given this fact, i was able to have witnessed a bit of his world, as i attended his ’60th Birthday Bash Variety Show’ at the Shea Theater Arts Center, in Turners Falls, Massachusetts.

The very little i DO know ended up making so much more sense.

As i learned about this event happening, i was presently in the course of planning a virtual meeting to commemorate my 50th year on the planet. i’m not popular enough to rent out any particular venue with the expectation of filling it on my own, so i figured if i’d invite people who i’ve been grateful to have in my life, whether they were there for a moment or for years in a virtual manner, at least a couple of people would show up, even if just for a bit.

It has been a bit of time since i’ve used the word ‘birthday’ to describe the annual commemoration of a solar return. For me, every day you wake up (after some rest) is a birth day; it is a new day, where you get to experience and learn new things. What is typically considered a ‘birthday’, i call a ‘hatching day’, since we were only hatched once.

i also don’t usually celebrate this day- again, every day for me is a birth day. however, you only turn 50 once.
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It was noted in one of his and Adelle’s blog posts that while the event was sold out, they’d have a bit of room for folks who were listeners of the podcast. If anyone was interested in going, we should contact him, which i immediately did.

There was a bit of conversing regarding travel, and i got a bus ticket to Greenfield.

There is a bit of apprehensiveness i carry when traveling to new places, as i have little to no awareness of their accessibility. i’ve learned to navigate around the countless limitations that exist, but that doesn’t mean i want to. While the venue prided itself on practicing the utmost consideration for disabled members of the community; i’ve had more than enough experiences where the realities contradicted the intent. Also, even if the venue were fully accessible, would the town be?

i discovered that i had little to worry about.

While i didn’t travel throughout all of Greenfield or Turners Falls (which (if i’m not mistaken) is about 24-30 miles from Greenfield), everywhere i went had a ramped entrance- including the Chinese food joint, which in my experience tends to usually have steps at the entrance. Doors were either automatic, or someone held the door for you (which a woman who worked at the Chinese food joint did). And everyone was incredibly sweet- i even had a man in an electric wheelchair ask me out, and he wasn’t creepy. He was actually pretty smooth with it.

It threw me off for a second, since it was the first time since the accident that anyone’s considered asking me out. And even before then, the men who did it clearly were not looking for any type of significant connection.

Another thing that occurred was that while in a record shop, a little girl (who looked no more than 5 years old) said to her mother, “Mommy, she’s got curly hair,” as she pointed to me. The mother answered in the affirmative. This would perhaps usually be not much of a deal to people, but when you spend a lot of your life being stared at and commented on by children who are not introduced to diverse groups of people, a little thing like that will surprise you. In my limited time there, this tiny town of Turners Falls dispelled the scenarios described by both the Dead Milkmen and Jason Aldean- It was welcoming and warm… and is even okay with a little punk rock, and some Dancehall, as i noticed that Yellowman (a man who has plenty to say about survival) was slated to perform at the Shea.

Bobby Bare Jr. with Lou Barlow, covering Shel Silverstein’s ‘Daddy What If’

Celebrating your life with those you love most and feel closest to is a very intimate experience. To extend an invitation to those you may not personally know as well is incredibly vulnerable and humbling, for everyone involved. Without (again) knowing much; to open the celebration up to be had in a community venue, from my vantage point, shows how beloved Lou is in said community.

A musical exploration of his life over the past 40+ years; Barlow played some of the songs spanning his own catalog. He also invited a few of his favorite artists to share the celebration with him. Adam Green, Bobby Bare Jr. and Jeffrey Lewis played quick sets of their original music, as well as Scott Helland, who did triple duty that evening, not only performing songs from his one-man band Guitarmy Of One; he also participated in a tribute to Deep Wound (which both he and Lou were in). Charles Thompson (aka Black Francis/Frank Black) and Murph participated in a tribute to Eric Gaffney (who formed Sebadoh with Lou).

The celebration undoubtedly was reflective, but it didn’t romanticize the past or feel cheaply nostalgic. It was similar to what i’ve aimed to have for my own commemoration for achieving the exact middle point in life: displaying a gratefulness to those who have shared this journey with him thus far.

One of the things i appreciated most about it was how much it really did feel like a community talent show- right on down to someone having to move the microphone out of the way in order for the curtain to close. i don’t think something like this could have been done any other way, without it appearing perfunctory at best, and excessive at worst.

Both Lou and i are Generation X- he was hatched in the earliest parts of it, and i was hatched toward the latter. i have ten more years to go, but i hope at 60, i maintain a similar zeal and zest for life, a prolific ability to create for the sake of it, the wisdom of knowing when to let go and again, a childlike wonder.

Ladybugs- an Eric Gaffney tribute

The event was also a family affair: Lou’s sister Abby (who i was familiar with via recordings over the years) made an appearance on stage; as did his daughter and niece, who played an original song. Talent certainly runs in that family.

Having met family members (including his parents) after the show, i was positive that i began to understand how Lou Barlow has come into the place he currently is. Despite any struggles he’s had within himself and with others over the years, he was afforded a place to reflect by family (chosen or blood) and community. i stopped thinking about the music for a moment, and i became genuinely happy for him to have been able to experience something many of us have not been able to.

It is obvious that one of the pillars of his life is Adelle, who coordinated the event. There was a point throughout the night where Lou mentioned Adelle telling him he has ADHD- something which gave me a bit of a chuckle, as i was recently diagnosed with ADHD within the past year. Many of us who’ve lived with it undiagnosed, know how helpful it is to have someone keep us on top of some of life’s functions.

i can tell he is incredibly grateful for her presence in his life.

Listening to their podcast, it’s clear they compliment each other very well. And yes, it is also clear she keeps him on top of particular things like scheduling and certain tasks. i resonate with the most whimsical parts of Lou’s personality, and know how easy it is to be distracted and wander. People like Adelle bring out the best in people like us.

i also appreciate how she is not ‘the wife of a musician’, a role far too many women have been relegated to. She does address all of life’s complexities as the wife of a professional musician (obviously); however, while her husband is a significant part of her life, he is NOT her life, and she speaks candidly about her own interests and health journey, among other things.

Sick Of Fun- the Deep Wound tribute
The OG Deep Wound: Lou Barlow (guitar), Scott Helland (bass), Charlie Nakajima (vocals), J Mascis (drums)

Even if it were not a traditional show, i was dancing, singing the songs and headbanging. It is not up for me to judge where someone started or currently is in their Barlow musical journey- i will be honest though, and say i was surprised there were not more Deep Wound appreciators.

Outside of a couple of later year mini reunions (and Dinosaur Jr.’s cover of ‘Training Ground’), Deep Wound were a very short-lived band, lasting for only a couple of years. Despite this extra brief period of existence, their influence was massive not to just the hardcore community; they also notably contributed to laying the foundation for what would be known as grindcore.

i definitely wore that 7″ out as a teenager, and years later got the Deep Wound LP compilation released by the Damaged Goods label. So when Lou opened the set with, “Hi, we’re Sick Of Fun,” i knew what we were in for, and i was not disappointed.

i personally am not an advocate for ‘reliving the past’ (which is quite different than paying tribute to it)… but as a person who still attends a lot of punk/hardcore/metal shows, i never wanted to be in a pit in recent times more than i did at that moment. And it may have only been me in that pit (and perhaps a couple of others, according to Scott Helland), because i wasn’t so sure that the audience was aware of what greatness they were witnessing: ‘Lou’s Anxiety Song’, ‘Psyched To Die’, ‘Deep Wound’, ‘Dead Babies’… By the time Deep Wound broke up i was 7 or 8 years old (and it wouldn’t be a few more years until i heard of punk or hardcore), so experiencing this set amused me.

What a time to be alive.

Everyone has lived so much life, experienced many losses and learned many lessons since 1984; but for a brief period of time in 2026, we bore witness to how a little hardcore band from Western Massachusetts perhaps didn’t necessarily know how much they would participate in influencing the direct musical landscape around them; but its members also gave birth to some of the most influential bands in their respective scenes outside of hardcore, from the Outpatients to Dinosaur Jr. and Sebadoh, and so on.

i cannot possibly know what is going on in Lou’s head; it must feel surreal on some level. While many have come to him over the years (before or after a show) bearing their soul on how much he has inspired them, to be in the middle of this realization during a chronological commemoration of how much you have actually created… It has to be surreal.

A couple of moments which moved me the most (outside of performances with family members) were the cover of ‘Daddy What If’ with Bobby Bare Jr., written by Shel Silverstein, and the tribute to Eric Gaffney.

‘Daddy What If’ is a song most well known for being covered by Bobby Bare Sr.- with his son playing the role of the child in the song. Silverstein didn’t only write for children, but his books and poetry were known to aptly depict the anxiety and questions a child would consistently have of the larger world they feel so small in:



Whatif I’m dumb in school?
Whatif they’ve closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there’s poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don’t grow taller?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won’t bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?

(Excerpt from ‘Whatif’ (Silverstein))

Always one to throw a bit of humor in the mix, Lou walked on stage on his knees, and talking with a high pitched voice, played the role of a child. As a father himself, i’m sure he’s had experience alleviating a few anxieties, echoed in the poetry of Silverstein. After the cover, he and Bobby hug- and as a giant fan of hugs, i appreciated that moment. It was a touching way to not only celebrate life with a friend, but to honor a gift Bare shared with his own father.

And while the festivities were primarily highlighting the creative journey of Lou Barlow, it goes without saying that whatever journey we’ve had can never be had alone.

A tribute to Eric Gaffney- a person just as prolific as Barlow- is absolutely appropriate for an event like this. Both J Mascis and Gaffney have had their personal and creative struggles with Barlow; however, In my mind, both of them have been such pivotal forces in his life. He’s mature enough to understand this, and in the case of Dinosaur Jr., was able to address differences enough to create with Mascis again.

Barlow did reunite with Gaffney for a time in the late 2000s as well. The massive respect Lou has for Eric is apparent, and the inclusion of Charles Thompson (a man whose band (Pixies) has been influential to countless individuals- including myself) for this tribute cannot be overlooked, as he is cut from a similar creatively surrealist cloth.

Obviously not everyone who has shaped Barlow’s life creatively (or that he’s worked with) was present, and i can only imagine how exhausting it was to coordinate everything behind the scenes. That said, the three hours we experienced was fairly full, both in terms of time, as well as emotionally.

L-R: me, Adam Green and Lou Barlow

My life, when it comes to Lou Barlow, has been a series of missed opportunities: Traveling out of the country at the time the Folk Implosion reunite and do a house show fairly close to my own house, or being sick on the Day Dinosaur Jr. played (when i had a ticket)… There are times i’ve found out about shows after the fact.

Similar to usage of the word ‘birthday’; i don’t adhere to the concept of FOMO, as the reality of time and space is reliant on our inability to be everywhere at once.

We’re not getting any younger though, and if i am able to i am going to see my favorite artists. i am going to see the people who have become my inspirations, and have contributed to how i view and create art.

i was not expecting to see Lou or Adelle after the show (due to the realities of post-show cleanups and occasional chaos), but as i exited the bathroom i rolled out to the front lobby to find him by the door. He gave me a big hug and mentioned he was worried if i was going to show up.

If i could help it, i would not miss this moment for the world, Lou. i was glad to have experienced it.

i did see Adelle for a moment as well, but she was understandably tired, and was going to get their daughter, Izzy (who performed a song with her father) and go back to the house.

After the show i also met Adam Green (of the band Moldy Peaches). After conversing a bit i asked him if he knew Clyde, whom i played drums with in the first incarnation of their band, Your Heart Breaks. Describing the formation of the band (and the environment which hatched it), in 2023 they wrote:

“We regularly stayed up all night long. We allowed each other to be strange, to experiment with art and film and music, free of the pressures of success or fame. We put on our own film festivals and shows. We did not ask for permission. The neighbor, who woke up at 3am everyday to deliver the newspaper, hated us.

Everyone thought we were from Olympia. We were a side note to a lot of music scenes. Not quite rock or Riot Grrrl or indie or twee. We were just earnest people playing pop music in a small town for whoever would listen. It’s been 25 years and not much has changed in terms of Your heart breaks. We’re still friends, we still make art, and we’re all even weirder than we were all those years ago.”

They describe meeting me:

“She had arrived there through some words of encouragement and a friendship with Jordan Rain, drummer for Behead The Prophet No Lord Shall Live. I have no idea where we met, but suddenly she was spending time at the Gimli (aka the Gimli Hospital For Wayward Orphans, one of the few art/punk houses in Bellingham, Washington), leaving us poems and mixtapes, playing music and expounding upon numerous ideas and theories. She played drums, I played guitar, and we started playing songs together.”

There are slight similarities between the hardcore scene in Western Massachusetts (which stayed in the shadows of Boston hardcore), and what was happening in Bellingham, which remained in the shadows of Olympia and Seattle.

Clyde was also the catalyst for leading me back to playing music after the accident in 2021, as they gifted me an Octopad, in order to pass the time during my physical therapy.

i can never thank them enough.

Adam for certain knew Clyde- in fact, they spoke with one another on the phone that morning. The world truly is smaller than we think.
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While i have praises for my experience in this small area of Greenfield and Turners Falls, the reality of both my mobility limitations and lack of transportation kicked in.

After a show i would normally order a ride, as many train stations are not accessible. Greenfield and Turners Falls are so small that they essentially have one driver, and a small taxi company. (i ended up meeting the head driver of the company the next day, as i was heading the the bus station to return to my house. he was hilarious, and actually used to live in the Bronx).

Due to this limitation, Abby and Kathy were kind enough to coordinate a ride to the hotel where i stayed for the night, for which i am incredibly grateful.

Before we leave, i see Lou again. He wanted to make sure things were okay regarding transportation. He also let me know he really enjoyed the record i gave him, and that he appreciated its uniqueness. After thanking him i responded that Double Nickles On The Dime (by the Minutemen) was a primary inspiration for creating it, which made a lot of sense to him.

i’m not sure how much i can describe the feeling you get when someone who is one of your biggest musical inspirations has taken the time out of their day to listen to something you worked at creating, then they tell you they enjoy the result of that work. Yes, Lou Barlow is a person whom is no better than you or i; but i’m not an automaton. I HAVE FEELINGS.

And yes, before i left i did tell him as he was standing next to me, that he was one of my biggest musical inspirations… because how often do you get to say this to someone, person to person? Time is too precious to fear the bearing of feelings. i am also sure he’s quite aware of his impact on some level. i cannot possibly be the only person to have said this to him.

Life is not promised- This is the reality we generally hope to ignore. Even if the both of us live for another 20 to 40 years; while i hope this isn’t the case, that moment in Turners Falls may be the last time we see each other.

Nevertheless, i am grateful that i’ve been able to witness an era of Lou Barlow welcoming this period of his life with grace and unending creativity, to have met blood and extended/chosen members of his family, and see a bit of the community he’s had space to flourish in.

Thanks for inviting me in part of that world, even for a bit.

Happy hatching day, Lou Barlow.

Posted in art, concerts, family, life, music | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Podcasts Unite (Episode 4): A Conversation With Gavin Malone (That Sound Podcast)

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-rerke-1b1cca2

(RECORDED ON JULY 21, 2026) From the land of what is (to jamilah) the most beautiful song on earth (‘Only Shallow’ by My Bloody Valentine)*, Music And We is once again connecting in an intercontinental way, as we speak with Gavin Malone, host of That Sound Podcast.

Based in Ireland; having only been around for a couple of years, That Sound Podcast is a baby in the podcast game- however, they’ve increasingly been a recognizable face to many in the rock community in particular.  The latest episodes have focused largely on coverage of Metallica’s latest leg of the tour for their M72 tour, but they discuss many other bands as well, from Thin Lizzy to Ghost…  and more.

While Gavin and jamilah discuss podcast life (the beginnings, the inspirations and lessons); they also discuss doing away with hierarchies, Ireland (history, culture,  indigeneity/connecting to roots, geographical ignorance and community and structural contradictions); bassists…  and of course, Thin Lizzy and Metallica.  

Thank you for listening!!!

To check out That Sound Podcast, go to https://www.youtube.com/@ThatSoundPodcast, or any of your podcast platforms!

If you’d like to send us a word, we’re at: musicandwepodcast@gmail.com

*It is not her favorite song in the whole world, but for her, it is the most beautiful.

Posted in documentary, michael jackson | Leave a comment

Metallica In London (UK)- Night 1 of 2: The Importance Of Community (Amid The Presence Of Trauma)

(note: There’s references to suicide/ideation and assault here. If you’re okay with that, thanks in advance for reading.)

Despite the dreadful day i had, i was reminded of the gift of Metallica’s music in my life.

It is this gift which has led to the aching and dryness of my eyes, due to crying rivers to the majority of their 16-song set.

Post show, with very tired, achy, dry eyes

The morning of 3 July, i woke up solidly somewhere between 5 and 6 am to go to the bathroom; given that i set the alarm for 7:36 (as per my superstition of setting any alarm time in endings of 6), i could not get back to sleep. Arriving to a Metallica concert on very little sleep is something i’ve done a few other times. That said, i could have set the alarm for much later if i knew what i now know regarding London Stadium- the scene of many a mishap, violation and unintentional ableism.
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Since the launching of the M72 tour in 2023, i have seen 22 shows from all three years so far- including the one i am about to speak about. From the total, i have seen the band in a seat 10 times (including the most recent show), 3.5 times in Snake Pit (the area in the middle of the stage), and 8.5 times in general admission (GA). For this tour, i have traveled to places such as Ciudad de México, Tkaronto (known to most as Toronto, Ontario, Canada); Baile Átha Cliath (known to most as Dublin, Ireland); Foxborough, MA; Nashville, TN; Tāmaki Makaurau, Aotearoa (known to most as Auckland, New Zealand), and more.

The number of shows and places on the world map i’ve gone to for this tour could never compare to so many others i know (who have seen far more shows); indeed, it is not a competition. i am incredibly grateful and do not take for granted that i have the ability/capacity to travel to the various ends of the world to see Metallica in the ways i have- one of the only bands i am willing to travel thousands of miles for. It is not because their music and live shows are amazing (which obviously i think they are); it is because through my travels, a community has developed. Deep friendships have developed. Through my travels have come some of the most positively life-altering experiences. Through my travels, i have learned so much more about myself.

In a way, many are awestruck that as an amputee, i travel internationally (and frankly, domestically as well) on my own. If i DIDN’T travel on my own, i’d never leave the house. While there are those in my vicinity who love the band (not necessarily as much as i do), i don’t particularly have anyone willing or has the capacity to travel with me to go to these shows, or to be steeped in particular aspects of the culture.

i am also a massively independent person. i have been this way for the majority of my life. Living as an amputee these past five years has immensely challenged my notion of what it means to be truly independent- some (again) positive challenges, and others, incredibly painful.

My independence was one of the things which broke me, on the night of 3 July, 2026.
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The GA floor, where i was originally slated to go

Well, this is not necessarily true: The initial moment which broke me was ALSO in England- Donington Park in Leicestershire, England.

Metallica were headlining the Download festival for two nights in 2023; other bands whom i love, such as Bad Religion and Soul Glo, were also playing. Staying in Nottingham during my time there, it took upwards of at least an hour to travel there (if you were fortunate enough to not encounter gridlocked traffic). It was the first festival in 30 years i attended, since the second and third Lollapaloozas (in 1992 and 1993, respectively), and my first as an amputee.

What i encountered was the least accessible experience i’ve ever had. Similar to my most recent experience, it also led to many bouts of rivers cried. i missed many bands and activities (and saw bands i didn’t have a particular interest in seeing), because i had to stay in one spot for much of the day, as i spent much of the festival time alone. Every single thing was distanced so far apart from one another. The terrain was also incredibly difficult to navigate in a manual wheelchair. It was difficult to the point where even electric wheelchairs struggled.

Similar to with London Stadium; the accessibility facilitators of Download, on their website emphasized attentiveness to those with accessibility needs- cold storage for certain medicines, specialized toilets, platforms where you could see. They even had you send in a medical form to ensure ‘honesty’ about your disability. As many of us who experience a range of disabilities, the intent does not always correlate to the action.

You end up being so attentive to the needs of disabled folks, that disabled folks end up being dehumanized.

For Download, not only were the paths difficult to navigate, the toilets had barely functioning lights (or none at all), the refrigerators for the meds were not existent (for some), the camps were also inaccessible for some, and the ‘accessible platforms’ were so far back, the construction of them felt like an afterthought.

Download (again) was the first festival i attended in 30 years, but it put me off of attending them forever- until i attended Punk Rock Bowling in 2025. This festival put Download to shame- the platform for the main stage, while significantly smaller than Download’s, gave you perfect access to seeing the bands, as the platform was constructed almost in the dead center of the grounds, as opposed to the rear. The two stages were also close to one another, giving you opportunities to catch bands on both stages. No band’s set overlaps either. The language around accessibility was far more casual than Download (and other sites/venues that overemphasize accessibility) and in my view, did a far superior job.

They also are decisively antifascist. It is the only festival i will attend from now on.
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Donnington should have warned me about never going to go see Metallica in England never again, but alas, i did not listen.

Again, Metallica is a band i travel for. The London shows are also the final two for the M72 tour, and i wanted to commemorate these long three years with some of my (chosen) family members.

What proceeded to occur though, i will acknowledge is partly my fault.

Whenever i am unfamiliar with a place, i err on searching for information regarding accessibility. While i looked over at the page on accessibility for London Stadium a night or two before the show, i absolutely missed one thing which would have saved me some modicum of the struggles i encountered when i got to the venue: “Customers with mobility scooters or wheelchairs do not have access to the pitch area or golden circle on concerts / stage events on the pitch. Please note, customers with mobility scooters or wheelchairs do not have access to the pitch area (usually ticketed as ‘General Admission Standing’ or ‘Gold Circle Standing’) for concerts or stage events.”

They said it twice, and i missed it. i noticed everything else regarding the page (British Sign Language (BSL) Performance Interpreting, Changing Places / Accessible Toilets, Quiet Spaces, and Pyrotechnics and Lights in particular), but for some reason i missed the one thing that would have assisted me in making decisions moving forward. i have no one to blame but myself. Had i known that no wheelchairs were allowed on the floor before purchasing a ticket, my initial thoughts would be that i would have most likely opted for something seated.

However, after what i experienced, i will opt out of anything seated at a Metallica show from now on, if i can help it. For some of us disabled/more vulnerable folk, being on the floor (and specifically at rail/in the front) is actually a saving grace.
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Most people want to be at rail (or the front) because they want to be closer to the band. i don’t think this is necessary for me; i’ve been to hundreds of shows in the days and years before losing a limb, and i had fun, regardless of where i stood in the venue. The only reason i aim for rail is for one reason only- it is literally how i can see the bands. If i am behind just one person, i am not able to see a thing.

Most venues, when you enter them, immediately want to bring you to whatever ‘accessible’ section they have. i advocate for myself every single time (to the occasional consternation of those attempting to lead me elsewhere), and tell them i am going to rail, or the front. i go to many of the same venues at this point, so they know me well enough to not ask. So-called ‘accessible’ sections tend to be blocked either by people, or objects. Many times they can be off to the side with all of the bands’ instruments. The entrances tend to be in the back alleyway, or through the kitchen. It always feels like an afterthought, to meet the bare minimum of legal requirements.

The majority who do not project mild annoyance onto me end up being surprised; some even call me brave. i would not consider attending a punk/hardcore or metal show in a wheelchair in any way, shape or form brave; but again, we live in a society where people in wheelchairs (and by extension, apparently disabled people) are supposed to be seen and not heard… so for some, being in the middle of the floor where a mosh pit is consistently breaking out is ‘brave’.

Metallica shows are interesting… Because the attachment to being on the rail for many is (again) tied to a desire to be closer to the band in some way (or to get access to picks, sticks, setlists and hand contact), it’s most likely thought that everyone is there for desire to that same access.

The best thing in my experience about being up front is the relationships that have materialized. While i will always cherish any items that have been personally given to me- because they took the time out to personally give them to me (whether it’s band members, crew or extended ‘Metallica Family’); the things i’m grateful for the most are the things i actually have been able to experience- all with band, crew and extended/chosen family members: the deep hugs, the conversations, the being able to say ‘Thank you’.

A pick or stick will be around for a while, but the impact of these other things last a lifetime.
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Where i ended up sitting

St. Anger was watching over me last night.

i left the hotel earlier than usual, knowing there would be some level of struggle regarding the show- whether navigating up hills alone in a manual wheelchair, logistical issues on the venue’s part, or encountering people who are tied to being on the rail.. and it doesn’t matter if you’re in a wheelchair and need to see.

Had i not left as early as i did, i’m not sure if i’d have an opportunity to meet up with friends in the time i did. London Stadium is quite big, and it’s easier to get split up from a group easily. Given that i’m usually alone when i go to these shows, if no one chooses to stay with me in the process, i end up getting lost from the group.

Had i not arrived as early as i did, i would not have spent the valuable time i did with Shep, as we updated each other about our lives over a noontime meal. Had i not arrived earlier, i would not have made new friends, and gotten hugs from older ones.

i cannot reiterate enough that going to a Metallica show is not just about the band for me. Thinking about it as i write this, the tears are returning.
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Much of the day was seemingly okay until i entered the venue proper.

After i had my ticket checked in, i was met by a couple of people, asking what kind of ticket i had. After i let them know, they immediately said, “You cannot be on the floor.” After a few minutes of radioing in for some assistance/advice, i was sent to a ticket window. After waiting there for around a half hour, i was then sent to a section of the venue, and asked to wait, in order to figure out where to be seated. i was told the person at the door would help me.

The venue had not been open to the general crowd yet- only early entry, which is the ticket i paid for- so i went to the merch stand, which took longer than usual. When i returned the doors to the venue were opened, but the person i was supposed to talk to was gone. Another man was there (with a dog that detects bombs), but he was not aware of the situation. There were a lot of people working at the venue (and a lot of radioing in), but it doesn’t feel like anything (or anyone) was connecting.

Yesterday was a day full of liminal spaces: i did more waiting around, until they figured out what seat could be arranged for me to sit in.

i was told that the policy of ‘no wheelchairs on the floor’, while not stated explicitly on the site, is to ensure protection in case there’s a stampede or some other type of catastrophe. This makes no sense to me, because not only are people with two fully functioning legs just as negatively impacted by a stampede. This also makes no sense to me, because the worker who informed me of the policy’s reasoning (after asking her) also said if i put on my prosthetic, this would be acceptable on the floor.

This ‘legal loophole’ is not set up to consider that for many of us amputees, the wearing of a prosthetic for long periods of time is absolutely painful.

This law (which i was told was put forth by the government in London, and applies to every venue in town of that size in particular), while aiming to ‘protect’ people with disabilities, it still takes a ‘you’re okay if you’re not too disabled in our eyes’ approach. This law possibly also does not consider that a performer may spend most time in a wheelchair, if a venue does not accommodate wheelchairs to be on the floor.

While London Stadium’s site was not specific, Wembley Stadium’s was, regarding walking sticks: “Walking aids (i.e. crutches, walking sticks, protective boots) are allowed into the seated areas, but unfortunately, due to the unpredictability of crowd movement on the floor, these aren’t allowed in the standing area on standing floor events such as concerts, boxing and AEW.” 

Having gone to many a rough punk/hardcore and metal show with people on the floor who have a range of disabilities (and sometimes use assistive tools), believe us when we say we know the risks of being on the floor. If we did not think we could handle it, we would not be on the floor.

Again, the reason many of us choose to be on the floor is because the accessible sections they’ve decided to provide are either consistently obscured, or too far back to even engage with what’s going on on stage. Tickets in accessible sections also tend to be priced higher than ‘regular’ ones.
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While obviously going through all safety channels between band and venue security (regarding pyro, ‘crowd control’, etc.); when choosing a venue to play at, tour managers and bands don’t necessarily consider rules such as ‘no wheelchairs on the floor’, because (a. there’s not a lot of people in wheelchairs in GA, and (b. if people were in wheelchairs on the floor in other cities, it may seem like this would be acceptable in every venue- a mistake i clearly made.

For the London Stadium shows, i purchased the tickets during a presale, thinking nothing of looking for this particular policy. While (again) i generally look up information regarding accessibility in an unfamiliar venue, i tend to do it after i purchase a ticket.

For Metallica shows in particular, i will now be sure to do it beforehand.
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After a fairly long period of waiting, i get seated in Section/Block 130, Row 26, Seat 411.

The woman who set it up- Rachel, was very kind. In fact, all of the people i had to deal with were kind, and i made sure to tell them it was not them i was upset about, but this unintentionally ableist policy.

For me, to be unintentionally ableist is when your intentions are to be considerate or accommodating to people in the disabled community, but you end up not giving them many options, or ultimately doing more harm than good.

While the policy was indeed in place, i made sure to ask several people (including those in wheelchairs who were local) if they were familiar with it. Not one person was.

Rachel was kind enough to give me a ticket, in case one of my friends wanted to come visit me. i did not bother to ask any of my friends, because i knew where most of them were on the floor, and i knew they were not trying to move.

Block 130 was the closest i could be to seeing things. As everyone was talking to me, attempting to figure things out; i wanted to cry but held it in. When they all left and i began to watch everyone on the floor freely walking about, it all came out. i felt trapped, and alone. i felt hopeless and helpless. i wanted to disappear. Thoughts of not wanting to live weaved in and out of my mind.

Nothing about this might make sense to someone reading. This may be due to the fact that it’s assumed it’s all stemmed from not being able to be on the floor, when it’s my fault i didn’t look into it enough.

In fact, the tears, anger and ideation have very little to do with where i was located. However, it was the catalyst for the primary realization: i lost my connection to community (the very reason i go to these shows) in an instant, and i had no choice in the matter. i lost my independence. i was stuck depending on people who did not have to promise me anything.

As the hours rolled by, more tears fell. i went to get some popcorn during Gojira’s set (in a bin which was much larger than imagined/expected) as a means of distracting myself from crying. The moment i finished eating, i began crying again.
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There’s been many a Metallica show, where prior to going in, i was moments away from ending my life. There’s been moments where, similar to yesterday, i cried until my eyes hurt. Usually seeing them perform is quite healing, even if for a couple of hours.

Yesterday, that did not happen.

i did not have it in me at all to enjoy it. In fact, taking it all in made me cry more.

Objectively, the band were on point. Looking outside of myself, i’d say their set was amazing. But i mentally was not there.

After conversing with a couple of folks, i moved back to my little section, as their set was about to begin. i always feel a rush of excitement when the house speakers’ volume goes down, and a rumble rises, indicating that it’s time.

As many know, Metallica is a spiritual band for me. Seeing them is comforting and cathartic. i really do feel the universe has connected me somehow to this music, as a healing force. It is indeed, a gift.

After the introductory rumble (followed by AC/DC’s ‘It’s a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock ‘N’ Roll)’ and Ennio Morricone’s ‘The Ecstasy Of Gold’), all i could muster were tears, for these two songs that would normally be a wave of elation.

There are particular songs i have cried to during Metallica’s sets for various reasons, including a dear friend succumbing to a long bout with cancer shortly before traveling to a show, or because i was at an incredibly low period in life. This show- 3 July 2026 at London Stadium, i cried to 10 out of the 16 songs in the set.

This set was amazing (again, objectively); the band were in positive spirits, they played ‘Of Wolf And Man’ and ‘Holier Than Thou’ (two songs i’ve seen during M72 but always love when they bust them out), Kirk and Rob played two covers (from the great Ian Dury and The Clash that i love)- but i didn’t have the mental capacity to enjoy any of it, subjectively. i attempted to sing and air drum to the songs i didn’t cry to, and i felt dejected.

This night SHOULD have been a perfect night- but i cried.

i cried, thinking about being apart from all my friends, as the band is honoring their friend and brother Cliff Burton during ‘Orion’; i cried during James Hetfield’s solo in ‘Master Of Puppets’ (my favorite solo of his). i cried to ‘Lux Æterna’, because this song always feels like a giant hug. It particularly hit me when the “cast out the demons” lyric was sung. i cried during ‘Nothing Else Matters’, as thousands of lights went up, in unison.

Nothing mattered more to me at that moment than being in community- and i was alone, despite being around thousands of people.

‘Fade To Black’ is a song i’ve cried to on many an occasion, for obvious reasons. While yesterday was no different; as the song played on, i experienced another level of trauma.

Throughout the day, people continually kept approaching me to ask if i was okay. All i could tell them was ‘no’, because it was difficult to explain (with music blaring) that my anger and tears were not simply about not being on the floor. A young person i had spoken to earlier about the situation kept trying to cheer me up; however, it was frustrating as she, again, had no deeper context to why i was in tears.

Given that ‘Fade To Black’ is a song from the perspective of someone on the verge of ending their life (or at least thinking about it), i figured the man who asked if he could sit next to me was there to be a sympathetic voice. Unfortunately, he saw my incredibly vulnerable moment and attempted to take advantage of it.

This drunk man, loudly singing the song in my ear (clearly indicating that hes a fan) began to touch me- a little too much. i’m clearly uncomfortable, but he was too drunk to read body language. He kept putting his head on me, in several attempts at hugging, also rubbing my hand and arm. i instantly assumed this to be some sort of fetishization ritual. He asked where i was from (and i told him, thinking he would leave me alone), but he couldn’t hear me. After initially telling him to stop, he proceeded to touch me again, on the verge of molesting me. i proceeded to force his hands off of me.

This did not work, as i had to force his hands off of me a few more times, as well as continually tell him to stop. i came fairly close to punching this man in the face (as i have hit men who have groped me in the past), but stopped short of it because i figured this would get me kicked out of the venue.

i told him to move, and after the third time, he did- however, he was only inches away from me, clearly stumbling. There were tons of people around me (including workers), and no one did anything.

The man proceeded to touch me again- after the third time of telling him to go away, the workers finally responded. All of this was during ‘Fade To Black’, but it felt like an eternity. The moment was reminiscent of being sexually assaulted on the back of a school bus (with other kids looking and laughing) when i was 8 years old. It also reminded me of when i was in Paris, France, and molested by a person at the front desk of a hotel- the reason why i will never return to France.

The song has a whole other memory for me now. At that moment, i really did, once again, lose the will to live.

One of my favorite parts of the show occurs at the very end, as most people are leaving. Save Lars’ comments about the last time they played in a respective city, the majority of their outros are the same, but i don’t particularly care- it’s enjoyable to me. However, as with the whole evening, i could not muster up the ability to even smile.
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While (again, objectively) the show was amazing, after ‘Fade,’ i felt lifeless. Everything about the show was ruined for me. i also knew that i would not be able to see any of my friends after the show.

On top of all of this, having to go to the bathroom was a disaster. At London venues, a RADAR key is used to enter accessible bathrooms, so as to prevent everyone else from using them. While i think this is a great idea IN THEORY, if you do not have access to a RADAR key, it is incredibly difficult to find a person with one. The only way i was able to go to the bathroom during the show is because i saw someone not a worker have one available. One of the times, i left the leg pieces to my wheelchair in one of the bathrooms, and (again) the only way i was able to get to them is because someone not a worker had a key.

So much of the bathroom experience is waiting around because of the lack of accessible stalls or areas, for one reason or another. It’s amazing that so many of us don’t pee our pants all the time.
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i waited for almost an hour at the Stratford station, waiting for the post-concert rush to clear. During my wait, i did get to speak on the phone with a couple of friends, attempting to process and vent about the day.

When i got back to the station next to the hotel i was staying at, the woman who i had met the day earlier, was again working her shift, and once again pushed me to the hotel. After such a stressful day, it was comforting to be around a kind, familiar face, and to give and receive hugs.

She’s not necessarily familiar with Metallica, but if only for brief moments, she’s represented community for me.

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A Few Thoughts On That Infamous NYT Songwriters List, Inspired By A Stevie Wonder Rabbit Hole

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-4bdcf-1ac526a

(RECORDED ON MAY 15, 2026) (Because we’re not sure if people actually read these episode descriptions, we’ll put it here at the top- jamilah checked after recording the episode, and was very glad to be stood corrected- because Stevie Wonder actually IS listed in the NYT piece!  Everything else stands.)

This quick episode was off the dome, as jamilah did not expect to record an episode; however, she felt inspired to, after shedding some tears while watching a Stevie Wonder tribute- where the great Greg Phillinganes (who has a long history with Stevie) put his foot in it, because there were some surprising deep cuts sprinkled in.  

This led her to think about the (as stated) infamous New York Times piece, where they, after some apparent deliberation, they chose a series of songwriters, producing a ton of obvious controversy.  Many were upset that Tom Waits and Randy Newman, for example, were missing.  A list of 30 people is going to limit who gets chosen, and if you asked 10 people who should be on this list, you are going to get 10 different answers.

There is a plan to do a more in depth episode, but for now, here’s some late night/very early morning ramblings.  

Thanks for listening!

Who are some of your favorite writers?  Let us know at: musicandwepodcast@gmail.com

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I Believe In Podcasts: A Conversation With Jim Shomo of Dark Thoughts

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-c4rv9-1aae401

(RECORDED ON APRIL 22, 2026) Forming in Philadelphia- a place with an already solid wealth of organizing, activism and funk/soul music; Dark Thoughts aren’t the (Philly punk OGs) Dead Milkmen, but for over a decade, they’ve been continuing (and contributing to) the longstanding punk community.  

jamilah had a chance to chat with guitarist and vocalist Jim Shomo, a massive Ramones fan.  As a matter of fact, while Dark Thoughts takes obvious inspiration from the band in many ways, Jim does acknowledge that he has yet to master Joey’s distinct vocals…  despite people stating similarities.  Jim also makes the distinction between being a ‘Ramones band’ and a ‘Ramonescore’ band.  

They also discuss opening up for Oi! legends Cock Sparrer, the cultural impact of Philadelphia, the dearth of punk houses, using the platform you have to bring awareness to political issues, tattooing, ensuring safe spaces in the punk scene, and more.

Music:

  • Dark Thoughts: Identity Crisis (Dark Thoughts, Stupid Bag, 2016)
  • Waxahatchee: Right Back To It (feat. MJ Lenderman) (Tigers Blood, ANTI-, 2024)
  • Dark Thoughts: With You (At Work, Stupid Bag (US)/Drunken Sailor (UK/EU), 2018)
  • Dark Thoughts:  So Alone (Highway To The End, Stupid Bag/Drunken Sailor, 2025)

Thanks for listening!

To find Dark Thoughts’ music, go to: https://dark-thoughts.bandcamp.com/ 

To give us a holler, go to: musicandwepodcast@gmail.com

Posted in documentary, michael jackson | Leave a comment