the one woman apollo!

“I am in fact no friend to fascists, or capitalists or any of the other political swine that cover the earth like gnats.”

Steve Albini

“I didn’t do this by myself. I did this as a participant in a scene, in a community, in a culture, and when I see somebody extracting from that rather than participating in it as a peer, it makes me think less of that person.… My participation in all of this is going to come to an end at some point. The only thing that I can say for myself is that, along the way, it was a cool thing that I participated in, and on the way out, I want to make sure that I don’t take it with me.”

Steve Albini

i made the spontaneous decision to catalogue all of my records in Discogs. It’s something i’ve wanted to do for some time, but the thought of even attempting it felt so daunting. Now that i’ve begun this journey, i can now say that this is certainly, a fairly arduous task. Given that a dialectical framework is crucial in order to navigate in this life, the upside in cataloguing thousands of CDs and vinyl albums is that it does several things: it reminds me of the gift that music actually is, with its wealth and diversity; it encourages further organization, and more specifically, it keeps my brain occupied, so as to resist navigating toward a more undesirable mental space.

Despite ending up eventually cataloguing things randomly (so as to not breed monotony), i did start out chronologically, in descending order. Zulu was the first band on the list, then Zounds. i then moved to Zeni Geva, and my eyes began to tear up, as one of the albums they made was with Steve Albini.

i have been open in my appreciation for Mr. Albini’s work for many years; he has been, in fact, my favorite producer of all time. i am highly aware that he preferred to identify as an engineer; and while my favorite engineer of all time is Bruce Swedien, the more i think about Albini’s philosophy regarding his work, ‘producer’ truly was not applicable for him.

As a person who is constantly examining our collective relationship to class, i began to think more about how his work should be considered. There’s a reason he refused to identify as a ‘producer’, despite his stamp being all over multitudes of albums. You know the ‘Albini sound’ when you hear it- simultaneously dry and raw, yet maintaining an emphasis on the rhythm section. The guitar (from my ears) tends to be a slightly discordant accent to the bass and drums, similar to a band like the Minutemen, one of my favorite bands of all time.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=tEoCNOdBIDk%3Fsi%3DhTk2a9nXr1WLWAcZ

https://youtube.com/watch?v=kmP9z-xTRz0%3Fsi%3DO0TLg4C74J9zS6W_

i was a teenager when it happened. The first thing i heard was a snare and crash combination, and a rhythmic illusion, when the bass came in. It was at that moment where the drums became my first musical love. Very rarely does an album open with drums, but David Lovering did so, on the Pixies’ Surfer Rosa album.

The first Albini-associated albums i actually recall hearing were Jesus Urge Superstar and The Supersonic Storybook by Urge Overkill. However, as a kid in junior high school just coming into my own when it came to music listening, i was not aware of who Steve Albini was. Not too soon after, a whole new world opened up for me after hearing Surfer Rosa; and i began drumming on whatever i could find, eventually playing in bands, heavily inspired by players such as Lovering and Hugo Burnham (of Gang Of Four).

As my record collection grew, i realized more and more bands i enjoyed had records ‘produced’ by Albini, or had some sort of association with him: Liar, Down and Goat by The Jesus Lizard (another one of my favorite bands of all time); Pod by the Breeders; 24 Hour Revenge Therapy by Jawbreaker; Gub by Pigface; Rid Of Me by PJ Harvey; Project Infinity by Man Or Astroman?; Hissing Prigs In Static Couture by Brainiac, Meantime by Helmet; and too many more to name. He even recorded In On The Kill Taker with (another one of my favorite bands of all time) Fugazi, but the album ended up being re-recorded/produced by longtime producers Ted Niceley and Don Zientara. i of course ran out and purchased a whole bunch of the music he contributed to creating as well, from Big Black’s Bulldozer EP, to Shellac’s At Action Park, and more. A not insignificant number of my record collection at the time would be releases from the Touch And Go label, because i assumed Albini would automatically have had a hand in the recording process. The man knew how to get the best sound out of everyone he worked with, regardless if they were a smaller punk band, or a pop star- for example, he produced what would be in my view, Jarvis Cocker’s best solo work.

Outside of those who were appreciators (or who worked with him), Albini is most likely known for his work with Nirvana for the album In Utero. A direct response to the slicker production of Nevermind (which was (co)produced and engineered by Butch Vig and mixed by Andy Wallace); the band ended up working with Albini (to the bewilderment of the executives at DGC). In Utero actually maintains the rawness of Bleach (recorded by Jack Endino), with a bit more musical proficiency. ‘Milk It’ is undeniably a Nirvana song (with its lyrical/vocal incoherence); however it is also, in my view, besides the potentially slight nod to (another one of my all-time favorite bands) the Melvins’ ‘It’s Shoved’, one of the greatest examples of Albini’s influence all over this album. It is the best song on what i consider to be their best album. While songs on the album eventually were remixed in the end by Scott Litt (to Albini’s great consternation); he is forever ingrained in the narrative of Nirvana.
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Here is where we return to the relationship to class. i would not assume Albini’s political or ideological positions; however, how he moved through the world as a person who worked with artists was less hierarchical than how ‘producers’ tend to be perceived- or actually are. Throughout his work he understood that, similar to a factory; those on the assembly line are the biggest producers of labor, thereby being the most integral to the process. The reality that exists materially is that, just like the factory worker, the artist has their labor exploited and stolen from with inhumane contracts and advances, and in some cases, a stifled voice.

In a letter that was penned to the band, Albini wrote: “I’m only interested in working on records that legitimately reflect the band’s own perception of their music and existance.” The first portion of the “methodology and philosophy” portion of the letter he states:

“Most contemporary engineers and producers see a record as a “project,” and the band as only one element of the project. Further, they consider the recordings to be a controlled layering of specific sounds, each of which is under complete control from the moment the note is conceived through the final six. If the band gets pushed around in the process of making a record, so be it; as long as the “project” meets with the approval of the fellow in control.

My approach is exactly the opposite.

I consider the band the most important thing, as the creative entity that spawned both the band’s personality and style and as the social entity that exists 24 hours out of each day.”

In relation to the ‘factory’ theory, Albini continues: “I do not want and will not take a royalty on any record I record. No points. Period. I think paying a royalty to a producer or engineer is ethically indefensible. The band write the songs. The band play the music. It’s the band’s fans who buy the records. The band is responsible for whether it’s a great record or a horrible record. Royalties belong to the band.”

Also: “I would like to be paid like a plumber: I do the job and you pay me what it’s worth. The record company will expect me to ask for a point or a point and a half. If we assume three million sales, that works out to 400,000 dollars or so. There’s no fucking way I would ever take that much money. I wouldn’t be able to sleep.”

i have been an appreciator of this man’s work for over 30 years of my life, and despite his adamant resistance to the title (and despite having an awareness as to why over the years), it wasn’t until after his passing that it truly hit me.

While Albini took a little bit more of a ‘socialistic’ approach to his relationship with bands, this did not mean the man did not have his share of contradictions. My appreciation for his work did not belie my discomfort with his more problematic aspects. In short, while he was my favorite ‘producer’, i didn’t necessarily like him as a person, based on how he publicly presented himself.

In the middle of writing this, i encountered another musical heartbreak, as i found out Gary Floyd (of the band the Dicks) has also physically transcended. Anyone who reads this blog (and is a listener to many of the bands i’ve named) is most likely aware that my political leanings align far more with bands such as the Dicks and the Minutemen; and while his trajectory is one i haven’t necessarily gravitated toward (despite loving his work over the years), Steve Albini openly experienced a particular type of consciousness shift that is generally associated with individuals such as Gary Floyd.

As a fat, Communist and very out gay man, Gary Floyd lived his life on the margins of society, living in a state that is no stranger to hostile right wing sentimentalism and laws – Texas. Albini existed on the same spectrum as Floyd ultimately, in that their music was a commentary on particular social ills; both also lent their talents to being a vehicle of resistance to the ‘stuffier’ aspects of society. Both artists utilized parody and satire as commentary. That of course was where their similarities ended. As a marginalized person (who has been the recipient of attacks), Floyd took the path of acknowledging the interconnections of various struggles, such as state-sanctioned repression and violence, the prison-industrial complex, and class inequities. Albini leaned more into embodying the personalities/characteristics of those who cause harm, blurring the lines between truth and fiction.

There is a particular dearth of empathy in the sort of idealistic resistance Albini (and others like him) espoused over the years. Albini’s art was driven by a certain deep-rooted misanthropy; as a teenager with slight bouts of misanthropy myself, i was not necessarily aware of the depths of depravity he swam in, both in his life, and in the subjects he wrote about, whether it was about a soldier with PTSD, child abuse and trafficking, or racism. Despite any negativism i felt regarding the human race at the time, my gravitation towards bands like the Dicks or Crass (as well as my constant reading of Anarchist theory, Marxism or other ideological frameworks on the anticapitalist spectrum) contributed to me not capitulating to sheer hatred.

Despite being lauded for his dedication to artistic integrity; it would not be a false assertion to say Albini’s burnt more than a few bridges in his lifetime, including with people he’s worked with. Without sounding too much like an armchair psychologist (and also risking being absolutely incorrect), a cursory look at the artistic output, some very publicly antagonistic comments toward peers and non-peers alike; as well as instances of casual racism, misogyny and homophobia appear rooted in a reaction to an experience of emotional pain. Instead of wholly internalizing his feelings, he made the decision to enact pain onto others. He was able to camouflage the most unsettling parts of his personality by emphasizing his skills behind a sound console, or a guitar.
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Steve Albini was 14 years older than me. He came from a generation of Lenny Bruce, George Carlin and Richard Pryor… which on some level begat folks like GG Allin, Sam Kinison and Andrew ‘Dice’ Clay. Pushing lines of ‘moral decency’ as far as you could go was not uncommon. While there was protest appearing from the so-called ‘moral majority’ at the time; marginalized members of the population who may have been targets of some of the comedians’ ire or barbs did not have as large of a platform to produce adequate public criticism. Prior to the ubiquitousness of the internet, it wasn’t necessarily understood that one’s actions would have far-reaching consequences.

Albini was the epitome of what, in more recent times, is known as an ‘edgelord’, described as “one who makes wildly dark and exaggerated statements (usually on an internet forum) with the intent of shocking others. There is usually a tone of nihilism to such remarks, the kind that might be flagged by a counselor as anti-social behavior.” It could be argued that relegating ‘edgelord’ content to lyrics is still on the verge of being problematic; however, it is contained. There was a conscious decision to take this outside of the context of ‘art’, when he did everything from openly call the Pixies- the band i heard which birthed my love of drums-“cows”, to flat out finding amusement at the abuse and exploitation of children, via the work of Peter Sotos. Sotos (whose work Albini ultimately described as “repellent”), was the publisher of zines and books that explored the darkest depths of depravity and inhumanity, by reprinting and describing instances of sexual predation/violence and serial killers. Sotos was actually charged in 1985, with possession of child pornography, due to the content of his books.

Albini’s defense at the time of his spouting of “edgelord shit” was that a person’s behavior mattered more than the things they say. “…(C)hange the way you live your life, not the way you speak.”

i came to terms many years ago that this person whose work i adored was indeed, a terrible person. With all of his contradictions i also had some of my own, in that i still had no problem listening to his catalog, or any works he’d produced. i suppose i rationalized it because i didn’t see any evidence of him actually physically harming anyone, hence, the contradiction. That said, if my analysis was formed in the ways it is today, i most likely would not have gone to the store to get any of his records.

While it is true that all humans are flawed, most humans, as far as i know, do not see the act of being transgressive and incendiary/provocative for the sake of it as a virtue, nor is it seen as a life objective. i think there are far more productive ways of challenging the society we live in. Not surprisingly, being staunchly anticapitalist and anti-imperialist gets you in a lot more trouble with the system than being an ‘edgelord’… since the very things that edgelords do are essentially a reflection of the mores deeply embedded in said society- racism, classism, misogyny, ableism, and the various other intersections of oppression.

Steve Albini learned the hard way that “edgelord shit” has repercussions. He explained countless times that his affinity for depicting the more sadistic end of the human race was to resist the cartoonish commercialization of it. Racists are portrayed as caricatures, and murderers are romanticized in a sense, versus being seen as the disgusting people Albini claimed they were. He once said: “There’s something about using that as a vehicle for commerce, as the product that you sell — these existential horrors — and using that as a trinket to get people into a commercial stream.” There is only so far you can take that though, when again, lines become blurred. Your resistance becomes just as much of a spectacle as the “soap opera” you are vehemently opposed to.

i didn’t particularly intend to write this piece. i thought i would sit with my own thoughts as i processed my feelings around the physical transition of a very imperfect (and often problematic) someone who had no idea i existed, but has inspired me in many ways- the ways i think about music, the ways i listen to music, and the ways i record even. i am not as much of a ‘purist’ as he (as i do record digitally, since it’s a bit more affordable); still, my preference for a drier sound, as well as emphasizing the significance of bass and drums, was shaped by my appreciation for this man’s work.

Despite not intending to write, i purposefully didn’t look at much, covering his transition… until i began writing. i was surprised by two things: the vast amount of coverage- from Forbes to Pitchfork; from the mainstream to the underground- his transition received; and how celebrations of his life generally have not omitted his contradictions. There have been so many articles and blurbs on his passing, it’s been impossible to look at them all. One thing i did see in a few places was praise for his commitment to ‘punk rock ethics’. The more i thought about this praise, the more i thought about his past thoughts and actions in relation to my theory: that punk is ultimately a manifestation of the larger conditioned social order.

Could Albini ultimately be seen as a perpetrator of stochastic terrorism, had a band like Big Black (or the unfortunately named Rapeman) existed today, under the ubiquitousness of the internet and age of increased parasocial relationships? It’s an answer to a question we will most likely never know. However, in recent years, Albini- to the surprise of many, engaged in a very public about-face. Regarding the “edgelord shit,” he said, “It was all coming from a privileged position of someone who would never have to suffer any of the hatred that’s embodied in that language.”

Like i said in my last post, words mean things.

It was two years ago when someone sent me the MEL Magazine interview (linked above), “because (I) like Steve Albini.” The contents of that interview were surprising, to say the least. Soon after that, i went down a brief Albini accountability session rabbit hole, and was met with comments, considering him to have ‘surrendered to wokeness’ as opposed to honoring someone’s growth and maturity, thus proving his point regarding prioritizing accountability for his past behavior.

From the same interview, he said:

“I admit that I was deaf to a lot of women’s issues at the time, and that’s on me. Within our circles, within the music scene, within the musical underground, a lot of cultural problems were deemed already solved — meaning, you didn’t care if your friends were queer. Of course women had an equal place, an equal role to play in our circles. The music scene was broadly inclusive. So for us, we felt like those problems had been solved. And that was an ignorant perception. 

That’s the way a lot of straight white guys think of the world — they think that it requires an active hatred on your part to be prejudiced, bigoted or to be a participant in white supremacy. The notion is that if you’re not actively doing something to oppress somebody, then you’re not part of the problem. As opposed to quietly enjoying all of the privilege that’s been bestowed on you by generations of this dominance. 

That was the fundamental failure of my perception. It’s been a process of enlightenment for me to realize and accept that my very status as a white guy in America is the product of institutional prejudices, that I’ve enjoyed the benefits of them, passively and actively. And I’m responsible for accepting my role in the patriarchy, and in white supremacy, and in the subjugation and abuse of minorities of all kinds.”

While Albini asserted accountability, he was far from self-effacing. Despite existing in a community which espouses itself to be counter to the outside world- a ‘diverse’ place where outsiders can come and be supported; he acknowledged his role in being part of a scene which was (say it with me) a manifestation of of the larger conditioned social order. He perpetuated harm onto others, under the guise of saying ‘fuck you’ to mainstream society. That entails a particular level of privilege, and in his acknowledgement of that privilege he did not ask for forgiveness from those he potentially (and actually) harmed. He was not seeking fanfare in order to increase his social capital.

It’s a lesson many can learn from.

While he opted to explore the more melancholy facets of human existence (as an alternative to the cartoonish depictions of evil), he and his social group simultaneously declared anyone who professed to actually be a racist was a “ridiculous country bumpkin” who should never be taken seriously. He began to reassess this perspective: “In our circles, nothing was off limits. So, it took a while for me to appreciate that using abusive language in a joking fashion was still using abusive language. And it was genuinely shocking when I realized that there were people in the music underground who weren’t playing when they were using language like that and who weren’t kindred spirits. They were, in fact, awful, and only masquerading as intellectuals. That was one of many wake-up moments.”

While comedians like Lenny Bruce or George Carlin (and descendants such as Bill Hicks) constantly were impacted by ‘decency laws’, each of these comedians used their talents to challenge the status quo, not uphold or defend it, unlike some of the people Albini found abhorrent, such as Joe Rogan or the hosts of Barstool Sports. “(T)he uncomfortable truths that they’re expressing are genuinely, almost exclusively, childish restatements of the status quo. Or they’re pining for sustaining the status quo that they feel is threatened somehow. I can’t think of a more tragic or trivial comic premise than: Things should stay the way they are. That’s the absence of creativity — it’s a void rather than a creative notion. It’s fundamentally conservative and anti-progress. And I strain at finding humor in the idea that things should not get better.”
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“The music that I admire the most is the music that gives me a moment of insight into someone else. That kind of music is valuable to me as it helps me to understand more about the world.”

Steve Albini

Sometime in the mid to late 1990s, i had a one-sided ‘encounter’ with Steve Albini.

Shellac were playing a show at the Knitting Factory in Manhattan (NYC), and i was one to two feet away from him in the lobby, among a large crowd of people. Our eyes met, and i just laughed in his face. His face in response was nonchalant, as if to say, ‘Whatever,’ and he returned to what he was doing. As much as i loved the guy’s music, my laugh was one filled with derision, because i did not, again, like the man who made that music. This was before i even found out about some of the more insidious parts of his history; all i knew was that i was not a fan of his overwhelmingly negative energy.

i have no regrets whatsoever in what i did. i was quite young, and did quite a bit more reactionary things, as opposed to examining the root of whatever problems i had. What happened at that moment was fleeting anyway; surely it’s not something he would have remembered.

i look back at that moment though, and in light of the context it makes me smile to see the person he became. In his life’s journey, outside of all of the “edgelord shit”, the Steve Albini i saw in his later years in interviews and on camera was far from a pushover (even in his evolution as an increasingly empathetic person), but he was funny, humble, and wise. And most importantly, he loved cats.

i wouldn’t consider his evolution revolutionary in the slightest; what i would consider it to be is rare.

Rest well, Steve Albini. And thank you.