(Note: This piece makes mention of suicide and mental health struggles)

i struggled around whether or not i was going to write (or do a podcast) about this. i struggled because i don’t want the experience misconstrued as one simply about meeting someone famous.

There are people who i feel are far more deserving of what i am about to write. i am a pretty insignificant person in the plan of life. i am not promoting a hierarchy of human importance; my insignificance represents that lack of hierarchy. No one on this earth is more important than another- we are all interconnected in some way. That said, i understand that like with many things, i am contradicting myself with this writing.

We are somehow conditioned with this idea that meeting someone with a significant or inordinate amount of fame or celebrity is something that will or should be transactional. We demand pictures, or an autograph. Even when off the clock, we demand their time. We don’t acknowledge that the people we are conditioned to see as better and separate from ourselves also have jobs. We don’t acknowledge that these are people who may desire real human connection- which is one of the main reasons some of them do what they do.

Being from NYC, i was never really star struck- you’d see people with varying levels of fame walking out of banks, going into supermarkets, eating at cafes, attending the same concerts and record shops as you… sometimes even taking the same train. One of my greatest life memories is the conversation i had with Ornette Coleman (whom i had met a week earlier) about life and art on the 6 train, as i rode to 68th street and he, 125th. i promised him i would make him a painting but i never saw him again, as i ended up moving to the west coast (where i was still living when i heard of his physical passing). i will forever cherish that moment i had with him.

One of the reasons i never truly had a desire to meet celebrities is because of how impersonal it can be. There will rarely, if ever, be an ‘Ornette’ moment. i only have awareness of these towering figures (if you will), based on how they choose to publicly present themselves. There is a veil of mystery, so as to maintain some semblance of sacredness. As a young punk kid who made a fanzine (and did radio for 11 years) i used to contact and connect with artists/people in bands, from the highly esteemed to the kids playing at a basement at a house show. i’d even do a show or few with folks of notoriety, being in bands myself. You would have great conversations, and occasionally build some positive relationships, sometimes lasting for years. Despite the eventual ubiquitousness of the internet and/or cell phones (and/or mass social media), it was actually easier to get in contact with artists directly back then. Now (despite how much smaller the world is due to technological advances), you have to go through several managers/handlers, thereby making things more impersonal, and granting more opportunities for rejection.

Because of this, it was never a reality for me that i’d engage with some of my greatest artistic inspirations. When i did have the opportunity to have some relative closeness i’d knit a gift or handwrite a letter to show my appreciation. If the planned recipient immediately retreats backstage, occasionally i’d give those gifts to other band members to give to them. Of course i’d have no knowledge if they’d pass on the gifts. Regardless of what happened, the objective was to share a gift with someone who i felt has shared their gifts with me, and the world. i didn’t need anything in return.

So that leads us into this most recent series of events.

i still struggle with how i want to write about it, partly because superlatives seem so superficial. i am still processing it all. The overarching reason though, is the extreme level of discomfort i feel in anything here being interpreted as, again, this ‘cool meeting with celebrities.’ i’m not one of the cool kids, and i will never be. On the outside it may not seem so to those who have met me; but ultimately i’m just a shy (sometimes painfully) punk kid who happened to meet a few people who create art that has saved my life.

i am writing about this, because i have written about these folks on many occasions on this blog, as well as other places. Though i have created scenarios in my head in terms of everything i would say if i actually were to meet them, i already knew said meeting was never going to occur. Because why would it? i mean, who am i?

‘Who am i?’ is the question i had been asking of myself in the couple of weeks prior to what ended up being a complete life surprise. i was feeling fairly isolated, not knowing where i stood with the people in my life, or what even my purpose for being on this earth was. What started out as a depressive episode (which i am fairly good at monitoring) turned into incessant intrusive thoughts based on ideation. This then turned into deep contemplation about ending my life, coming to the point where i was figuring out how i was going to go through with it. The two songs i was listening to in the midst of all this were ‘Just A Bullet Away’ and ‘Screaming Suicide’. Those two songs prompted me to call the suicide and trauma hotline. (i wrote about that experience here and here).

Metallica… well, their music, saved my life. It would not be the first time, and my guess is that it will not be the last.

Throughout the time i was experiencing the episode and ideation (up unto the day of the show), i expressed that i needed encouragement to go to see the band, who were performing at MetLife Stadium on the 4th and 6th of August. My excitement remained at a minimum, despite people continually stating positive reasons why i should go.

i finally made the decision to (reluctantly) go, but (of course) i was procrastinating. As i was moving towards the already exhausting task of leaving the house i decided to open up to several folks in the community, and send the blog posts i had been writing on my most recent episode. As i’m about to close out i see that someone’s sent me a direct message.

This is the moment that undoubtedly changed the course of my weekend, and life.

Kristen (a person whose existence i was unaware of prior to this) sent me a message, inviting me to accompany her to a meet & greet. Like many of us who love Metallica, she expressed that she didn’t have anyone in her community who shared a similar love. The Metallica community has developed a particular culture in a way, and at this point they could be considered a band you travel to go see (similar to the Grateful Dead perhaps); like the Dead, going to see a Metallica show is not just about seeing the band. Many relationships have been built off of the connections made, and i’m sure this is the sentiment Kristen was coming from, when she wrote the message.

My jaw fell as she wrote about how she wanted to help me fulfill my dream of meeting Lars Ulrich- a man who has become my greatest musical inspiration, and one of my five favorite drummers of all time. Nothing about this message felt real. Lars Ulrich was never a man i was going to meet- again, who am i? i felt i was correct, since her message was sent about two or three days prior to me reading it.

Even though i was sure someone else had been offered the guest spot at that point i decided to call Kristen to thank her for thinking of me, in her act of kindness. She responded that the spot had been filled, but that person cancelled. Their name is still on the list, but we could see if it would be okay for me to go, once i got there. If i wanted to still go she informed me of the time and place to meet her. As she said all of these things to me, my brain did not register any of it as real.

==========================================================================

After the usual struggles of traveling alone in a manual wheelchair to a ginormous concert venue, we finally meet. i don’t particularly have a trust of people i don’t know and have never met; but Kristen was so warm, welcoming and comforting, in ways that didn’t seem menacing. She also developed trust in me enough to invite me to be her guest, without knowing me.

As covid-19 still rages on (three and some change years later), Met Club Jeff (a very nice man… and a person i’d always see on screen and in writing but never thought i’d meet in person) handed us some covid tests, which gave me a lot of relief. i would actually consider this to be the most crucial portion of the meet & greet process. As we were awaiting the results, we engaged in some small talk with Jeff. His role is just as important in this puzzle, as not only is he the liaison between ourselves and the band, but he also has a hand in assuaging any anxiety people have when meeting a band considered hero to many. It’s not an easy role.

A few minutes after our negative test results we went through a couple of security checks, and were quickly sent in, in a moment that somehow reminded me of the scene in Through The Never, where Trip (the ‘main character’) is backstage.

As we waited in a spot behind some curtains, Kristen and i began talking about life as well as the upcoming concert. The world didn’t stop, but all of our conversation ceased as we saw Lars Ulrich within two feet of us. i have again, met, interviewed, had conversation with and even built positive relationships with people of varying levels of fame. i’ve been literal inches away from Metallica when i saw them in the snake pit last year (which was worth every moment, even if my legs were in absolute pain as i stood for 98% of their set); i saw them extremely up close, and even touched James Hetfield’s Flying V. Any anxiety i developed around this man being two feet from me had nothing to do with him being famous. It had everything to do with him being my greatest musical inspiration.

Lars Ulrich turns around and looks straight at us. He places his hand out for us to shake. i look like, as they say, a deer caught in headlights. i shake his hand with both of my hands, and tell him he is my greatest musical inspiration- a sentence i never thought i’d ever say to him directly. He thanks me. He asks us where on the map we’re located, and how many times we’ve seen the band- the show that day would have been my 9th, and Kristen’s first. This is DEFINITELY an introduction to a first show if i’ve ever seen one! Lars welcomes Kristen into the ‘Metallica family,’ and makes a comment about it being my 9th show- something he repeats later in the interaction.

i tell him all of the things i’d mapped out in my mind to tell him in our imaginary meeting- how i became an amputee, how ‘One’ was the single constant song in my life both before and after the accident, how St. Anger is one of the greatest works of art of all time…

Despite this being true over time i actually never expected to discuss with him how his band had a hand in saving my life. This band has contributed to being a soundtrack of helping me make sense of death- not just the physical kind, but the impermanence of relationships as well. i was not expecting to meet members of my second favorite band (a band whom one of its members is my greatest musical inspiration) in the midst of a massive depressive episode, where i was experiencing ideation… So i do tell him my experience of this recent episode, and of the two songs which prompted me to call the hotline. i do tell him how his band saved my life.

i know for certain there are hundreds, if not thousands of people who have told this man that his band saved their lives. i’m not exceptional. i am sure it is an emotional weight to carry, when thousands of people approach you with these types of stories. Is there anyone he can turn to, when feeling the pull of that weight? i don’t expect him, or anyone else to particularly remember me.

i am tearing up as i tell him these things, and on the verge of crying. i tell him this and he responds, “Me too.”

Everything i’d said at that point, he could as well (understandably) have found me to be a ‘weird, obsessed fan’… but then things take an interesting turn. Kristen announces to Lars that i am “the biggest St. Anger fan in the world.” While i am immensely reluctant to accept that title (as i think there is someone (or someones) out there who is an even bigger fan than me of that album), i do profess my love for it to Lars. i recall his response to be both amusement and shock. i tell him i consider it to be one of the top 10 greatest albums of all time (which is true), and he gives me dap (aka ‘a fist bump’). He talks about how the album has been an integral part of the Metallica story. More amusement and shock happens when it’s mentioned that i made a six hour documentary on the album.

(i will note that beneath all the focus on Lars’ snare being turned off, St. Anger involves some of what i consider to be among his greatest, most experimental/adventurous drumming. Despite my gushing over the album, i am kind of devastated i never got to tell him this specifically. Lars has a particular/unmistakable style which is often imitated, but never duplicated. His contribution to the band’s catalog as a drummer and arranger is absolutely deserving of much more respect than he receives.)

One of the things i can say about Lars is that he is sincerely interested in what every person he communicates with has to say. There’s a limited amount of time he is able to spend with you, but he is invested in every moment, as he looks directly at you when he engages with you. He asks questions and wants to know what makes people who (and what) they are. It is clear he is grateful and appreciative of the fact that he is still able to do what he loves, and that there are many who still want to see and hear what he does. What i saw from Lars (and everyone else i met) was a great sense of humility, and of grace.

There were more than a few things said, but so much of it is a blur. Again, i still have yet to process everything that’s occurred. Kristen and Lars talked about birthdays, and he signed her CD cover of the 72 Seasons album. i didn’t have anything to get signed, but none of that mattered to me.

After we take pictures i ask Lars if it was okay if i could give him a hug. He responds in the affirmative. Hugs are very important to me, but consent is even more important, and i don’t want to hug someone if they’re not okay with it. i remember Lars’ hug being very comforting, in a time where i was at one of my lowest points, if not lowest.

Kristen mentioned a few times after the meet & greet how the hug between myself and Lars would be one to keep her “uplifted in the dark times.” She also mentioned that it was “powerful.” Given that i was the one receiving the hug i was interested in what it looked like from the outside. She said, “It looked like you were getting a hug from a friend and not a ‘Let’s appease the fan’ hug. Like, he was really hugging you like he needed it too.”

Soon after Lars leaves (perhaps to do more interviews, or to run on the teadmill), Kirk Hammett and Robert Trujillo walk in. My eyes could not believe this. It all felt like a dream.

As a person who primarily plays drums, Lars is my greatest musical inspiration. i play guitar as well (but not that well). As a painfully shy 14 year old kid, Kirk Hammett was someone i greatly looked up to. He was playful and shy (and not intimidating), and gave me a sort of comfort. i resonated most with him, when i saw the band on the screen, and live on stage (where i first saw them at the age of 15). Looking up (in a wheelchair at the age of 46) at one of the people who shaped my musical life was never something i ever expected to do in my lifetime. i adore his oddly timed jokes, the heart he wears on his sleeve, his singing (i sincerely love when he and Robert do this), his passion for the things he loves, the love he has for his mother, and the passion in his playing.

As a person who also plays bass (though again, not well… but do i really play anything that well?) as a punk and hardcore kid (who also grew up with and loves funk), meeting Robert Trujillo has been an absolute dream of mine. i initially knew him from Suicidal Tendencies and Infectious Grooves, so when i heard he started playing for Metallica, i was incredibly happy for him. He came to the band at an extremely volatile/insecure time (a time which produced one of the greatest works of art of all time), and contributed to their enduring strength and balance.

We did not get to spend as much time with Robert or Kirk, so it was mostly small talk. We did talk about myself, Kirk and Robert all being Scorpios. There was a happiness that they got to have a month off to regenerate and rest. When Kirk mentioned his knee (which he had injured on one of the final shows before the break) i responded that i was worried, and he said he was okay. It was a very fun, casual conversation. Just as i did with Lars, i asked both Kirk and Rob if hugs were okay, of which they also responded in the affirmative. The members of Metallica give very warm hugs, and i feel humbled to receive them.

One of the things i will take with me from this meet & greet (out of countless things) was the beauty of the relationship between Rob and Kirk. Though i only spent a brief amount of time with them, their camaraderie resonated throughout the room. It was incredibly moving. i wish that level of friendship for everyone.

The people i met are exactly that- people. i didn’t want anything to just be about myself and my feelings. Simultaneously i wanted to respect their privacy. That said, i wanted to send them and their families well wishes; i wanted to talk with Kirk about horror films (as he is a fan, just like i am). i wanted to speak with Rob about bass (beyond the band); i wanted to speak with Lars about cinema and cats (who are my favorite people in the world). Everything went by so fast- though there were definitely things i wanted to say that i actually did say, it would be inevitable that i didn’t get to say everything i wanted to say.

Regardless of what i may or may not have missed, i am undoubtedly grateful and humbled by this experience: not only to the members of Metallica for sharing their time with us, but to Kristen for thinking of me, when she could have invited anyone else to share that experience with her.

i haven’t even gotten to the shows yet.

This weekend was not the first time i’ve encountered a profoundly spiritual experience when it came to a Metallica show. They have a way of entering my life when i am at my lowest point. The first time i was aware of this connection was at their 40th anniversary shows. Being there was extremely cathartic for me, and i began to cry; i cried after the MetLife experience as well. After that point, i noticed that this connection occurred more often than i realized. The four men who make up Metallica are not gods; they are not to be worshiped, or deemed immortal. We should never frame them higher than ourselves, as they are imperfect beings, just like the rest of us. What they are though, is a vessel through which they create a connection to the portal of self-reflection. i truly do believe the universe has brought them to us, as a means of assisting us in finding that portal.

These shows at MetLife (short for Metallica Life throughout the weekend) were the first time i ever understood what the term ‘Metallica family’ actually meant. Of course like with any family (whether blood, ideological or cultural) you are going to have positive and negative elements. That said, while there are people i’ve built positive connections with in the Metallica community, and while there are individuals i’ve gotten along with at shows; i’ve never felt connectivity and community during a show, in the ways i did this weekend. Usually at a show i’m the only one screaming (and losing my voice), dancing and headbanging. On this occasion i was not alone in any of this, as most folks in the section i was in ended up doing the same thing! While one of the tour packages that are available is called ‘The Lux Æterna Experience’; what i actually was experiencing were true to life ‘Lux Æterna’ moments:

A sea of hearts beat as one, unified
Magnification
All generations

Kindred alliance connected inside
Commiseration
Sonic salvation
Cast out the demons that strangle your life

Never alone for the feelings alike
Amplification
Lightning the nation
Never alive more Than right here tonight

It was an experience where again, superlatives wouldn’t even be accurate. i think James Hetfield is accurate when he says they “were born to do this.”

This may sound strange (due to any associations with the word), but the best descriptor of a Metallica show for me, is an exorcism. There are particular demons which do strangle many of us, including myself- those deep depressive episodes where sometimes it feels like it’s difficult to even breathe or come up for air. Ideation suffocates you. This may sound even stranger to people (who have never read my writings on the band before); but while the band is not God (nor are they perfect), they appear to be channeling a particular energy that is of a positive universal force. They seemed to have worked consciously on themselves as both individuals and as a unit, to the point where they have truly become a conduit for music to be, as Albert Ayer’s expression of love succinctly explains, a healing force of the universe.

Music causes all bad vibrations to fade away
It makes one want to love, instead of hate

A sea of hearts beat as one, unified

Kindred alliance connected inside
Commiseration
Sonic salvation
Cast out the demons that strangle your life

Reaching milestones in terms of Metallica shows can be a very interesting thing. The second show of the pair at MetLife is where i finally ended up reaching the double digits. Whether one has seen them only one time or 200 should never be a contest; the more shows you go to however, more faces become familiar, and the more relationships you build- which again, is really what this experience is about. The more shows you go to, the friendships you make are just as important as seeing them surprisingly pull out ‘Judas Kiss’ into the set (We can only hope…).

Even though i am massively shy (as well as an introvert), i also desire connection. i spend most days alone, and in my own head. Getting out to shows and interacting with others for those few hours gives me the charge i need.

In a sea of 80,000 people per night (a simultaneously daunting yet amazing number to look at) i met the wonderful trio of Manu and Preston, a sister/brother duo who have seen the band about 17 times (if i am not mistaken), and Eric, who has seen them 40 (!!!) times. We discovered that we were all at the Chase Center in December of 2021 (for the 40th), similarly overcome with joy as we were present for the live world premiere of ‘Fixxxer’– about as excited as we were to see the premieres of ‘Shadows Follow’ and ‘Too Far Gone’ at MetLife.

I’m never too far gone to save
I can make it through the day

The premiere of ‘Too Far Gone’ came right on time certainly, given i almost didn’t make it.

Kindred alliance connected inside

All of us took turns guessing the songs as the tape intros played (some of them were easier than others); and despite being a guitarist, Preston (who is a fellow St. Anger tattoo wearer) was pretty accurate with his drum fills.

There were so many people i’ve met on my journey during the weekend: some who helped get me to where i needed to go, some whose names (or photos) i didn’t get; and others (like Muhammad and Paul) who i’ve met through the community but have never met in person before.

On top of the people and surprises already named so far, one of the greatest was when Namarta, Christian and Dave (who i had been trying to meet up with all weekend but to no avail) suddenly appeared in front of me during Ice Nine Kills’ set (Ice Nine Kills’ set was during the second of the two shows; Mammoth WVH, Five Finger Death Punch and Pantera also performed on the main stage (named ‘Ethel’), while Prong and Overkill performed on an outside stage. It was definitely a weekend set up for metal fans).

i looked in front of me, and it was as if they were floating as they approached me. i became speechless. They made a very quick appearance (as security would not let them stay longer) and we all shared hugs. i had already felt so grateful for the gifts i had been given at this point, but when i saw them the cup of my heart began to flow over. They were all highly aware of my mental health struggles prior to the show, so seeing them (even for that brief amount of time) meant so much.

One of the descriptors i had after first hearing the song ‘Lux Æterna’ was that it feels like a giant hug. The weekend enveloped and embraced me with a love and care i hadn’t felt in a long time.

When James Hetfield sang the chorus, i lifted my hands (as if in prayer, similar to what i did during ‘Bleeding Me’ at the 40th) and screamed as loud as i could along with him, losing my voice for that moment (and much of the weekend).

The kindred alliances sustained themselves throughout the weekend as i ended up running into and meeting up with Anthony and his sons (who i met a couple of months ago in the U.K. at the Download Festival, where he interviewed me. Metallica also performed a similar ‘two night/no repeat’ set-up there). i met Anthony (and Rob, who introduced me to Anthony) in the midst of struggles i was having as a disabled person at Download. i am reeeeeeaaaaaaly not sure how this band have an awareness of when i’m at my lowest points, but they always seem to. Anthony, just like everyone else here, has become an integral part of my life’s story.

We saw each other immediately after the first show (where he met jesse, who (sadly) i didn’t sit with this weekend); we surprisingly ran into each other on the second day, where i was rolling around outside the stadium by myself, after losing Manu and Preston. As Anthony and his son were so kind to assist me in the wheelchair, i couldn’t help but think about the gift of music being passed on from generation to generation. i couldn’t help but think about the connection a parent has with their child when they experience a concert together.

All of my internal dialog (and external questions i had asked Anthony, thereby ‘interviewing the interviewer’) led to even more surprises, as we entered the pop-up museum Metallica display on their tours. For this specific M72 tour, it is alternately called the ‘Black Box Lounge’.

Even though having things is nice; i am a person who has practiced non-attachment and am not particularly afraid of letting go of things. Before i left the west coast (back to the east (where i grew up)) a few years ago i let go of hundreds of documents, photographs, albums and more from since i was a child, to the chagrin of many. i am always fascinated with seeing how much the collective of Metallica has held on to so much since their founding in 1981. It probably helps that they’ve essentially been in a base location almost the whole time. i love the fact that these pop up museums exist; i don’t necessarily see them as a reminiscence of the past, but an exploration of their journey into the people they became, and will continue to be.

The museum is both visual and interactive. There are the more obvious items in cases, such as photos, show flyers and platinum albums. There are sections set up representing different albums, where one can take a photograph. There are also opportunities to interact with various instruments.

To great exaltation, the first thing i saw (of course) was Lars’ Worldwired tour era sparkly purple TAMA Starclassic kit. Drums were my first ever love in terms of instruments. i gravitated towards guitar (since i was not able to get drums), eventually playing in bands- my first ever guitar was a black Peavey stratocaster, with a white pick guard. When i’d go to someone’s house with drums though, i’d run right towards them. Eventually i started playing drums in bands. Ever since i saw saw Lars Ulrich, Dave Lombardo and Billy Cobham (three of my top 10 favorite drummers) with TAMAs, i wanted them. Specifically, i wanted the white Artstar IIs- the Black Album-era drums. While i still dream of someday having them i never ended up getting the Artstars; however i finally, post amputation, can say i happily have some TAMAs of my own. In fact it’s my first ever acoustic set, after using so many others’ sets over the years.

i was overwhelmed in the presence of the drum set of my greatest! musical! inspiration!!! Again, superlatives (or any word, frankly), will never describe the elation i felt. i almost hyperventilated.

Even though i play music (and have a whole website based on this very thing) and have played in bands, i feel incredibly uncomfortable and not confident playing around other people. Sadly, i didn’t play the TAMAs (i didn’t see any sticks there, and even if i did it would have been strange since my right leg is amputated and everything… The setup in my studio is very specific.). That said, despite being a very imperfect and shy public player, i had to shoot my shot when i saw Rob’s bass.

Whatever his setup is- it is AMAZING. The sound coming out was so… buttery. i have played Metallica songs on bass before (not as great as McGovney, Burton, Newsted, Rock, Trujillo… or even Hetfield of course), but in this case i stuck with some Minor Threat, and whatever things i came up with in my head.

After this moment of feeling like a kid in a room of cats and kittens, Anthony takes me to the venue proper to see the bands. In between this and seeing Namarta, Dave and Christian people start sending me messages that there’s a video on the official Metallica channel, of Lars making mention of the St. Anger documentary.

As much as i bared my soul to Lars (and i don’t regret doing so), i didn’t think he’d actually remember anything i said to him. Again, i’m not important in the larger scheme of things. i’m pretty insignificant. i’m not a ‘cool kid’, nor am i exactly well-known in the Metallica community at large. While i did want Lars and the rest of the band to know that there is someone out there who sincerely and absolutely loves and appreciates St. Anger; i did make the documentary with the explicit acknowledgement that they most likely would never see, or have an awareness of the existence of this film.

i saw the video after the show, and i screamed in the car, very loudly. Lars says to Rob in response to a comment in the crowd about the album (and i am paraphrasing): “Do you remember the young lady we met a couple of days ago? She said that her favorite album was St. Anger, and she made a six hour movie, extolling the virtues of the album.” Amid the laughs of either disbelief or ridicule (or perhaps both), Lars says (again paraphrasing), “If you attack St. Anger, we know who you are.”

Lars may never watch the documentary (which was a complete labor of love); but his acknowledgement of its existence is far more than i could have hoped for.

i’m not one who necessarily advocates for going back in time, but if i were to meet my 14/15 year old self i would tell them, ‘Yes, you’ll definitely continue to have mental health struggles over the years just like you are now, but there will be some very magical moments along the way which will inform you that sometimes, there’s some light in the darkness. And you know what? That band that’s one of your favorites in the whole world right now? They are going to be a part of your life in ways you wouldn’t even imagine. Ways you won’t feel deserving of.’

This past weekend i almost didn’t make it, and Metallica saved my life.

It is not only the music that saved my life; the men- the founders and members- who created that music within a (so far) 42-year time span also saved my life.

It is not just the men who make up the collective of the band who did so; it is every single person who stopped to say hello to me, who assisted me in the wheelchair, who i shared laughs with, who i shared hugs with, who i sang with… It’s the people i formed an even greater closeness to than before. It is Kristen, a complete stranger, who gave me a gift i am never even sure how i can repay.

All of these people are also Metallica.

You are all part of my life’s story.

You have all saved my life. i am forever grateful and humbled by this kindred alliance. i am not sure how to express my immense gratitude for what you all have done for me. This writing is but a mere expression of that.