“so goodbye, please don’t cry…”
and cry is what i’ve been doing for the past few days. i continue to think about all the people who brought joy to so many, and how their voices were silenced. there’s so much i want to say, that i didn’t get to say before. there’s too much to process. i have so many questions, especially since there’s a little bit more surfacing on sister whitney’s transition- but not much. it’s a little like all the news surrounding what happened to you. the both of you left this world alone- or did you? was it murder? was it an overdose? was it a harmful cocktail?
and i keep thinking about how y0u were treated right after your transition, and how she is essentially being treated in a similar way. many people, even without evidence or information, assume that because she did struggle with drug addiction, that that was how she left this earth. i am also thinking about how, as her body lay in the hotel room of the beverly hilton, four floors down , a party was held. clive davis (her supposed ‘mentor’) claimed she would want the party to continue, and that her family requested it continue.
i don’t know… as joyfully silly as whitney was, i think she also knew there was a place for mourning. chaka khan (who removed herself from the celebratory environment by not participating) said this in an interview with piers morgan:
“i think we all, as artists… we’re highly sensitive people, and this machine around us, this so-called ‘music industry’ is such a demonic thing. it sacrifices peoples’ lives and their essences, at the drop of a dime… i could have easily, easily- because of a lot pressure from the label i was with at the time; i went through a really, really rough time, where i didn’t wanna go outside, didn’t wanna be seen; didn’t wanna be around… i know what this world that we’re living in; and this business, particularly, can do… i don’t know what could motivate a person to have a party in a building where the person whose life he influenced so enormously, and whose life had been affected by hers… i don’t understand how that went on.”
she also mentioned (in response to the question of- aHEM-SONY upping the price of whitney’s music A HALF HOUR TO AN HOUR after the announcement of her transition) that a manager once told her that she’d be “worth more money dead or alive.”
sound familiar? the major difference between you and her was that even though she did sign a deal with her label that would generate royalties, she did not have a catalogue or music rights to lay claim to.
i also think of judy garland, and the struggles she went through. in the film ‘i could go on singing’ ms. garland essentially plays herself; a woman who faces self-reflection amidst her personal turmoil.
“i’m just one person. i don’t wanna be rolled out like a pastry so everybody’ll get a nice big bite of me…. it’s just not worth all the deaths, that i have to die… i’ve hung on to every bit of rubbish there is to hang on to in life, and i’ve thrown all the good bits away…”
that dialogue was from a scene done in one take with dirk bogarde. it’s noted by film scholars and followers of ms. garland that her behaviour was erratic during the filming; however, she was dealing with a custody battle over her two children, as well as not trying to form another dependency on pills. over her career she’s been ‘advised’ by her employers/film company to take diet pills in order to be thin for the camera. she also had her breasts bound for her role in ‘the wizard of oz’, in order to maintain what the studio executives declared a ‘youthful look’. she suffered from self- consciousness her entire life it seems, as she was told by (essentially) her employers that she was ugly. she’s made several suicide attempts in her life, and has said in response, “i wanted to black out the future as well as the past. i wanted to hurt myself and everyone who had hurt me.”
in another scene in the film garland says: “you know, there’s an old saying; when you go on stage, you don’t feel any pain at all. when the lights hit you, you don’t feel anything.” she ended her feelings about it with saying that whole thing was a “stinking lie.”
however! in her last performance (on 25 march 1969) of ‘somewhere over the rainbow’, ms. garland told the audience she was dedicating the song to them because she was “dedicated to” them… i see so many similarities between ms. garland, yourself and whitney. having suffered from depression (and self-harm/suicide attempts), i recognize a lot of the patterns. for people to simplify anyone’s life with a simple case of addiction; they, to me, refuse to recognize the nuances of life’s experiences.
and of course, i think about the culture of nihilism and complacency that is all-too common in these times. the more access we have to technology; the less community-centred we are. people continue to be prosecuted; they continue to have their children taken away by the government because they grow their own food free of chemicals; because they don’t feed their children pork; because their children are home-schooled without the assistance of ‘the system’; because they speak out in one way or another… and yet, body chemistries continue to be altered (not necessarily for the better) due to the nicotine, alcohol and pharmaceutical companies making money off of peoples’ vulnerabilities and desire to heal in whatever way possible.
clearly, the notion of ‘idol worship’ does not happen innocuously. i mean… i saw something which disturbed me. i did not watch the grammys, but i saw some write-ups that chris brown was going to be there to perform. we can say whatever it is we want regarding his violent actions; what DOES upset me is that we are so consumed with idolatry that (female) fans of chris brown’s publicly wrote on their social networking pages that because brown was attractive or because he was a great performer that they would allow him to hit them… some of them straight up said that it would be okay if he punched them in the face. some joked around and said he could beat them up- ‘but only in the bedroom’. of course. to make light of violence in that fashion- regardless of whether or not it’s coming from a male OR female- is a perfect example of what chaka khan speaks, or what MANY people have been speaking, for years.
these forces would make any sensitive person seem ‘crazy’. especially if they have ingested any synthetic drugs, or negative energy.
i don’t agree with everything this piece by a.j. ramsey says; however, there are points which make sense in light of lady chaka’s comments:
“According to Bobby Brown’s sister, who would go on drug binges with the couple, “Whitney hallucinates and sees demons when she’s high; she bites and beats herself black-and-blue but blames the devil for the injuries.” Bobby’s sister Tina goes on to say that, Houston sees ‘demons’ everywhere she goes, and beats herself up while saying “The Devil be hitting me.” Tina claimed that drugs have made Whitney so paranoid she sees evil apparitions and once drilled a spy-hole in her bathroom to look for “demons.”
Whitney was of no use to the industry any more because as many of you know she couldn’t sing the way she use to. The drugs and the demons drained her life force, because Whitney was pure and wasn’t built for demonology. Whitney was sacrificed aka thrown from the freedom train, and done away with a day before the Grammy’s as a industry ritual.”
i actually would not put it past these people that they WOULD perform a ritualistic murder of a sensitive soul who they no longer had use for, then celebrate the job without the knowledge of unwilling participants. i believe this is what happened to you. the murder is usually gradual- the people behind the curtain initiate it, then the audience/consumers (unknowingly) do the rest of the work.
it’s curious to me, how that a couple of VERY prominent people whose main message was love can somehow disappear in such a short amount of time. for you, i think it was 1993 (and more specifically 2005) which broke your spirit. that was the time when your dependence on pills became very public. for whitney, she may have been using drugs in her younger days (according to some reports); however, it was not until her marriage to bobby brown when her addictions became public. it used to be in the industry that issues like addiction or physical abuse were ‘open secrets’, but the public were still shown a specific image, counter to that secret. you never saw the infighting or infidelities, even though you knew they were there.
in today’s industry though; the public can openly see how artists are treated. the public can have more of an awareness of the fickleness of the industry in ways previously unadvertised. because of this it’s more difficult to immediately get rid of artists they deem undesirable- like what happened to sam cooke, a man who, when he finally took matters into his own hands and worked towards taking charge of his own publishing and catalogue, was ‘coincidentally’ gunned down.
for people like you or whitney houston, who i suppose ‘broke the code’, there had to be a way for your stars to dim.
here is more by a.j. ramsey:
“Whitney Houston stated in her interview with Oprah in 2010 that she was attracted to Bobby because he, “took control of her and their relationship, and she liked that.” In reality Bobby was acting as Whitney’s handler, which is a term used in mind control. A handler is one who is used within a mind control experiment to break another and to get them to do what the controllers of the experiment want, this was Bobby’s role. The labels wanted to spice up Whitney’s life aka destroy her pristine image, which they had been targeting since she got into the industry. You may wonder why they would want to do a thing like this, but if you’re not in the industry then you can’t imagine how diabolical the people are who run the show. These people thrive on drama, sex, violence, and drugs. As they say, sex sales! Entertainers are products of the elite and they are treated as such, they (The Elite) don’t give a s**t about human values morals and the likes. The people that are behind the scenes are master witches and wizards and their goals are constant control and power.”
is all of that necessarily true? i cannot say. but it makes a lot of sense to me somehow.
so many of our sensitive souls are leaving this earth. i have no doubt that this is a test for all of us to continue the teachings; to ensure that when we go, the lessons will still thrive. i think this is what you and whitney, and what so many others have done. and as i think of many possibilities in continuing the teachings, i also think of the ‘extra’ portion of the famed song judy garland was to sing; she was not able to finish it because she was flooded in tears. as we spend time on this earth, let us utilize our minds and bodies to strive towards the centrepiece: the heart.
“Someday I’ll wake and rub my eyes
And in that land beyond the skies,
You’ll find me
I’ll be a laughing daffodil
And leave the silly cares that fill
My mind behind me”
love, jamilah
the one woman apollo! 