michael, may you now be at peace: a reflection (no. 105)

i’m sure you know by now.  murray got sentenced to four years.

i really don’t know what to say, that i haven’t already said.


frankly, i’m tired of re-living 25 june 2009.  or i should say, i’m tired of people trying to make me re-live it in a certain way.  i have yet to see a mass focus on the teachings.  this is what makes me feel the worst about everything.  if people want to focus on how they consider you a drug addict, and that everything which happened to you was not conrad murray’s fault; why not put in work to make sure people don’t make the same mistakes?  why not put in work to make sure people have proper alternatives to all of the pharmaceuticals?

why not make sure children as a whole are protected from harmful chemicals?  why not KNOW THE INGREDIENTS of these vaccines and medications before you allow them to be put in these children’s bodies?  why not take the time to know what YOU are consuming, before you make judgments about other people overdosing?


again, i don’t find you immune from responsibility (as you made the ultimate decision to allow these synthetic drugs into your body), but the focus on how you did all of this to yourself is a distraction which is getting out of hand.  if you injected yourself (which has been proven to not be the case- the defense attorneys eventually found they could not continue with that argument, because it did not carry any weight), then something is entirely wrong with that scenario. if, (according to some people) murray should not be responsible, how did you get access to propofol?  that makes no sense.  it’s imperative to have done research in order to have an informed view.

to me, the focus on whether or not you were an addict ultimately is not about whether or not you were an addict- it’s an unnecessary focus on celebrity culture.  how many people are addicted to sugar/high fructose corn syrup?  how many people are addicted to having a cellular phone to their ear?  how many people put chemicals in their hair every two to three weeks in order to straighten it?  how many people are addicted to looking at the internet?  all of these things affect your body in ways that alter your cellular/energy state.  how many of these addictions are not examined in full by the medical industries?  how many lobbyists support these addictions?  how many of them are even considered addictions?

what makes one addiction worse than another?  what makes something an addiction as opposed to a dependency?  what makes some ‘deaths’ more valuable than others?

even if you were addicted to certain drugs, does that give a doctor a right to neglect his patient?  why is your name or status a factor in this situation?  does that give you more or less rights to sufficient medical care than patients who are poor?  i mean COME ON.  murray did NOT know how to properly do CPR.  okay… say you WERE alone, and you decided to inject yourself, but it went wrong.  and murray happened to be living next door and saw you in the window or something.  and he went to help you and AS A DOCTOR did not know CPR.  right away the man needs his license revoked.


i’m not sure why people continue to focus on who you are, and don’t stop and act logically.  how does a doctor NOT know CPR?  how does a doctor, whilst claiming innocence, wait to phone 911 for 20 minutes?  how does a doctor ask someone to hide the evidence?

and how is a doctor, who, back and forth in e mails to AEG wanting to get paid, not even do his job properly?  he didn’t even have to do much but watch a patient…  and he, as a cardiologist, purchasing tons and tons of propofol- then leaving a patient with the stuff running intravenously through his veins whilst going to talk on the phone to his girlfriend- actually incriminated him.

STILL…  even though i think the charges should have been raised to voluntary manslaughter (at LEAST) i did NOT think he would actually be sentenced to four years. i admit my surprise.


am i upset?  yes, but not for reasons having anything to do with him, or you.  justice has NOT been served, counter to the fact that many think it has.  even if murray gets all of his licenses revoked and cannot practise after he gets out, how many people like murray are still practising in the medical profession?

i wish the focus on celebrities and pills would cease.  the pharmaceutical industry and their lobbyists are selling people (of all class levels) artificial pills for things they don’t need pills for.  i mean, what did people do to heal themselves before this industry gained influence?  they sell all this horrible food in these institutions- then people get high blood pressure, diabetes and other ailments; then they go to the doctor and have to take all of these medicines which do not deal with the ailments wholistically or nutritionally.

in some cases, people have seen the effects of diabetes reverse or lessen with a raw food diet:



these things may not work for everyone, but there is no harm in trying it, as opposed to simply depending on doctors and high medical rates every second of your life.  for me, cutting out sweets and wheat (and soy) has helped me tremendously, with what i was going through.  i’m not in any way saying DON’T see a doctor; what i AM saying is, before one rushes to the doctor/hospital for a non-emergency, one should examine what’s in the diet first.

it’s that ‘looking in the mirror’ before outside forces make the decision with what is going on with you.  frankly, what happened to you did not have to happen to you.  nutritionally, you did not take care of yourself.  i don’t care what anybody says.  you did not.  yes, you ate organic foods, etc.  but you also ate a mass amount of KFC, consumed a lot of caffeine, had insomnia, had lupus, vitiligo, arthritis and who knows what else.  you SHOULD have taken a look at yourself and reassessed your life- this means you should have STOPPED working so much for a while.  stop trying to please people/your fans so much, and just spent MORE time with your kids.  if you sat and created a 5-year plan to get all your debts in order without having had exerted energy you didn’t feel you had- or i should say, that you didn’t need to have a ‘live in doctor’ to make sure you were resting up for a strenuous set of shows for…  then you may still be here to be a father for your children. you could have, say, finished out the two albums you owed to sony, then received the masters to your music back once you’ve fulfilled your end of the contract, and most likely gotten high fees for licensing your music out for specific events by these media organizations.  you could have made sony pay YOU for use of thriller.  that album will always be the pinnacle of sony/CBS’s success, and you could have milked that and threw it in their faces.

and now the fans you’ve defended as driving the direction of the industry no longer count to these industry people.  the corporation now drives what the fans consume.  with that, i don’t think most of the fans would have been upset if you didn’t record any music specific to an album for 5 years, so you could take time to primarily be a father.  if you just stopped and NOT performed for 20 years i don’t think the world would stop.


and now we have what we have now.  and people are STILL saying ‘it’s too bad he died, now i’ll never see him perform again.’

i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again, knowing people are going to dis-agree with me; i’d rather have a kid who was not abused and had a happy life grow up and work at a supermarket or whatever and be well-adjusted, then have someone who was abused and never had a chance to interact with people on positive levels and lived in front of cameras and mobs of fans for at least 41 years of his life…

i’d rather have no thriller…  no jackson 5 at all, if that meant you would have adjusted to life in pro-active ways without any of it.  celebrity culture is antithetical to anything pro-active.  i recognize that you tried to use this culture in a way for you to focus on the health of children around the world; there was a price to pay for that though.  you can’t do that in a world/culture that doesn’t care about children in the way you did.

and i’m sure you can see (wherever you are) the fact that, even under the influence of a lot of drugs, you wanted to use the money made from this tour that never happened to form a children’s hospital, has been lost on many people in order to focus on you being drugged.

okay, you were on drugs.  that is obvious.  but can we NOW focus on the teachings?  can we focus on questioning the industries which produce these drugs?  can we question the ingredients used?  can we question why nutrition is not considered the most important factor in maintaining health?

the answer is clear; but i still ask these questions.

so no, i’m not angry at murray at all; he was just doing his job, siding himself with the value of money as opposed to a patient’s health.  and of course, murray never recieved payment for his ‘services’ since neither you/thome nor AEG signed the contract in which he was to be paid.  either this is karma, or a setup from AEG so they would not be implicated in your murder.  i cannot say.

i’m actually more upset that it took you leaving this earth for people to openly acknowledge the corruption of this industry.  i just want to ask you why you didn’t take further steps to care for yourself, nutritionally or otherwise?  you certainly did NOT have to go down the road of painkillers, escalating to the point where you were receiving propofol to get some rest, and trusting a cardiologist to do the job an anesthesiologist is supposed to do.  that is just too much.

and now all i can do is imagine the hours ticking down on that fateful day, as people continue to ask me about it, and ask me about you.  it feels unreal thinking about it, and it’s been almost 2 1/2 years.  it’s still not clear what happened, but i know this much:  that a man who had faults just like any of us, left this earth alone.

it’s not something i wish for anyone.

love, jamilah


About jamilah

i think about a lot of things, and sometimes i write about them.
This entry was posted in childhood, children, economy, justice, life, michael jackson, parenting, politics, trauma. Bookmark the permalink.

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