i’m just gonna make this quick and say, this is just too much…

no, not even as in, ‘this is too much, i can’t take this’…  what i mean is, this is too much.  i am just shaking my head at the absurdity of it all.  so many people are excited at a guilty verdict for conrad murray- your mother even stated that ‘justice was served’- however, it’s imperative to examine the situation in full.

FIRST.  judge michael pastor stated the day of your transcendence as ‘ALLEGED’.  SECOND:  that ‘alleged’ date was incorrect until a juror corrected it.  THIRD:  you were named as the ‘ALLEGED’ victim.

i heard the results of the trial almost two hours after the verdict was read, without having heard the full reading.  before i wrote this to you, i watched/listened to the results.  i can’t exactly describe the shock which went through me upon the initial news:  frankly, i did not expect a guilty verdict.  however, i said to anyone who asked, that if murray were to be convicted, at most he would get two years.  either way, i continued, nothing good would come out of this case…  no actual justice would occur, as long as the medical system/industry murray is a part of (and where you obtained the drugs over periods in your life) maintains any sort of influence or power.

and of course, even though a verdict was read, there is going to be ANOTHER decision made on the 29th to see how much time murray is going to ACTUALLY serve…  it is possible, the time he spends ‘in limbo’ (without bail) is going to be the ONLY time he serves.  this is only 21 days.

i don’t think it is just me who notices the inconsistencies in this verdict.  i have never heard of any other case where after the verdict was read, the dates or the victim were deemed ‘alleged’.

as i keep saying, i don’t take any of the responsibility off of you.  you made the decision to request some of these drugs, and ultimately made the decision to put them in your body.  if you were on your hands and knees begging for drugs to help you rest, someone could have made the decision to work with you towards a more natural mode of getting you there.  that is another day of discussion though.  granted, i understand why the defense would present any information about whatever dependencies you had; but frankly, the initial statement that you injected yourself was contradicted by the autopsy report.  i don’t think that really has to do with the case at hand.

the fact that a doctor neglected to care for his patient is what the case, to me, is about.  that neglect includes not knowing CPR, not having proper equipment, not calling 911 immediately, going to talk to his girlfriends as you were laying there dying…  requesting all the evidence essentially be hidden.  all the personal sympathy stories (on both the defense and prosecution) do not belong in the case.  you can look at it as medical malpractice, at least.  at most, because it was deemed a homicide; it could have also been an option to convict him with second degree murder- or even voluntary manslaughter.

all i know is that something is not right about ANY of this.

the teachings (and your legacy) would be best served if those who say they love you would see to it that the commercial/corporatist/non-traditional medical industry loses power and influence.  if we are to truly see the interconnectedness of things, we need to return to more natural/wholistic ways of caring for ourselves, and each other.  what happened to you should be a lesson to all of us.

and i actually DID see the photo of you on the gurney yet again, unexpectedly…  it was a closer look than previous times…  i’m still not completely clear on everything since i didn’t take the time to examine it, but i saw it close enough to say i saw it.  i’d love to write about it, but this whole thing is still too painful for me to think about.  the photo was painful.  to have to look at the details, i can’t say i’m ready for that.  i don’t think i am able to be objective enough to comment at this point.  somehow the photo keeps creeping up on me.

it’s actually quite hard to even see photos of you that i post here…

love, jamilah