here we are again…  it’s been a number of days, but here we are.  i’ve just been trying to figure out my place in this world; both beyond and in my own environment.  again, existing in a world where you are encouraged to compromise your beliefs that is one of the most difficult things to do.  and so on many levels you agree to dis-agree, yet people still want to fight.

the same news is essentially still being reported about you; you know, your mother saying your kids are fine, your ‘posthumous’ album will be released later this year; the last house you lived in is up for sale.  to me, these are all distractions from the issues surrounding the legal case involving AEG/conrad murray.  it also perpetuates the myth of the cult of personality, never focusing on the work you did as a teacher.

it’s funny, the other day i carried the miniature version of your likeness on my arm (aka ‘the doll’).  at work, i don’t necessarily like how he gets moved around when i’m not there, so i like to have him with me.  my solution was to just put him on my arm.  one of the comments was that “(i am) wearing my heart on (my) sleeve”…  that’s probably the best way of putting it.  others thought it was sweet, since they know i love you.  i told one lady that you go everywhere with me, and she cautiously looked around to see if you were there…  it was as if she didn’t want to say anything crazy, as to upset you.  it was pretty funny to watch.  kind of charming.

and i’m sure this will come up a bit more, once the conrad murray trial and posthumous works are underway…  someone i know the other day told me that she saw ‘this is it’:  she told me in this way that was, again, cautious.  most people already know my feelings on the film, so there appears to be this apprehension when letting me know they saw it. we are so conditioned in this culture to enter a conversation in an adversarial manner,  no matter how subtle.  because of my feelings about the movie, to me it’s as if you tell me you saw it, i’m gonna beat you up for that.  this is what i see in the body language of those who tell me they saw it, and in the enjoyment they received in watching it.

i have nothing against anyone who watches the movie, and likes it; i just choose not to.  from what i can tell though, most people i know who tell me they have seen it are not exactly familiar with the nuances.  one thing the producers decided to do was create an emotional connection with the characters through your transcendence.  with that, people who didn’t necessarily follow you during your physical presence say they found a whole new respect for you by watching ‘this is it’.

this is exactly what it was though: a series of characters, edited to create that emotional connection.  as you know (as both a lover of film and a master at how media works), once you place a camera out there, things become fabricated.

i let her finish her excitement about the movie (which was REALLY hard, because i wanted to cut her off so bad to tell her it was all a lie).  and then i told her that the movie was a lie.  truthfully, i have no problem with them fabricating the plot, the idea…  even the scenario.  this is about the magic of film, right?  the thing is, they never TOLD anyone that it was a lie.  when thousands of fans, admirers (and even those who are curious) spend money to see YOUR process and YOUR work ethic and the outcome of what they say was YOUR input, they need to tell people a lot of the work was LITERALLY, post-production.  some of what they saw happened AFTER the news of your transcendence.  and they edited it as if you were still there.  i told her this, and she kept saying how she felt cheated.

this is all i want to do, is to warn people so they don’t get fooled…  be it the current political situation; be it the situation surrounding your legacy and teachings.  i spend a lot of time trying to figure out what the perfect medium in which to do this is…  hopefully the ‘curriculum’ which is made up of your teachings (the plan is that they will be unveiled on the 29th, the day honoring your physical being as we were blessed with) will be a pro-active medium.

love, jamilah