First Impressions Upon Seeing ‘Sinners’…

(This piece is going to have major spoilers- proceed if you are okay with that, or if you have seen the film. Thanks for reading!)

i am going to be honest.

The only film i have seen directed by Ryan Coogler was Black Panther, also the one and only output from the ‘Marvel Cinematic Universe’ canon i have ever seen. i loudly booed this film in the theater as the credits rolled. Not only was it incredibly counter-revolutionary in its depiction of the CIA- an historical and present enemy of Africans at home and abroad- seen as beneficial to the continued existence of this fictional land of Wakanda; any characters that displayed revolutionary self-defense were seen as megalomaniacal, or enemies of the people. In comparison, respectability politics were depicted as virtuous. Wakanda also cut itself off from the rest of the African world, as opposed to distributing its vast resources. People have described the film as Pan-Africanist. However, the actual plotline belies the feel-good symbolism, as the isolationism of Wakanda did not contribute in any way to the unification of the African world against colonialism or imperialism.

It was nothing but a high budget popcorn superhero movie. With that, i did not not have the highest expectation for Sinners, once aware that it was directed by Coogler.

i saw the trailer for Sinners a couple of times in the theater, among the 20 minutes of trailers before the actual horror feature i came to see. It’s very rare that i have interest in seeing anything released by any of the three primary major studios at this point in my life, and besides One Of Them Days (which i saw randomly and not on purpose- i enjoyed the slight ‘body horror’ elements of the film), i cannot remember the last time i actively went out to see one upon its release.

Admittedly, despite the lack of expectation (given the director), and without awareness of the plot’s description, my interest was slightly piqued after seeing that the film had horror elements. The other thing that piqued my interest was hearing about Coogler being inspired by Metallica’s ‘One’. It also helped that Lars Ulrich (my biggest musical inspiration) participated in some of the music on the film’s soundtrack. Having read that, i imagined that would influence any perceptions or assumptions. However, after watching the film i could not be more pleased that any initial perceptions or assumptions i had were absolutely incorrect.

Upon watching the trailer twice, i assumed it was a zombie/possession movie of sorts. Having seen two other trailers post-watch; i realize the trailer released in the theater was a bit different, as it emphasized the horror elements (with not as many talk-overs), simultaneously giving nothing away- because i had no idea this was a vampire movie.

The first impression i get is that it was inspired by a combination of horror and cult classics, from Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Get Out (for obvious reasons) to The Lost Boys (with the vampires forming an alternate community (or ‘family’) of misfits to the mortal world); to The Stuff (with the characters acting strange but simultaneously familiar post takeover), all the way to fellow Warner Brothers alumni The Color Purple (where it’s real easy to make slight parallels between not only the two juke joints, but also between Shug Avery and Sammie Moore).

On ‘One”s inspiration, Coogler said he “wanted the movie to feel like a song”… It “starts off intense, then gets melodic and going somewhere just fucking crazy. But by the time you’re finished, it was clear you were always going to get there.” In the middle of watching i attempted to make sense of Coogler’s vision, based on this inspiration.

And then it hit me.

A very cursory connection to this inspiration is that both the film and song introduce us to the respective characters- both having gone through incredibly traumatic experiences, almost losing their lives, suspended through two different worlds. But of course, i am that person who thinks a bit deeper about things. Both pieces of art introduce us to a set-up, which takes us to the eventual crux of the characters’ conditions. The two verses of ‘One’ are not unlike the first half of Sinners, where we are introduced to the primary characters. The unnamed soldier in ‘One’ (or perhaps it is actually Johnny Got his Gun‘s Joe Bonham, the character ‘One’ is inspired by) finally describing the root cause of what happened to him can be compared to the final half of the film, where we are introduced to the vampires- the ‘military industrial complex’ of the film, a force which promotes freedom and unity among difference, but ultimately wages destruction, physical and mental harm, and separates families and loved ones.

One of the most crucial scenes in the film is where the vampire hunters of the Choctaw peoples attempted to heed a warning, and upon being pushed away their response was essentially, “We will pray for you,” as they rushed off before sundown. However, the intent was, ‘As a result of your stubbornness, you will experience pain like no other.’ This conjures up the scene in the film adaptation of Johnny Got His Gun, where the priest tells the generals, “He is the product of your profession, not mine,” after being asked if he had a message, or words of encouragement for Bonham, who is furiously bobbing his head in Morse code as his only means of effective communication.

While the connection to ‘One’ may not be obvious to those not familiar with either Coogler or the song, Sinners definitely was set up to be a love letter to the roots of African music (and its progenitors).

While i tend to be less of a fan of non-diagetic elements in film- that is, sounds or music that are not part of the natural landscape of the film- massive examples being the works of Martin Scorsese, Quentin Tarantino or Wes Anderson; Sinners did an excellent job of fusing the diagetic and non-diagetic. While someone playing a guitar, harmonica or piano in a scene is clearly based on diagetic elements; any music added in post-production felt just as crucial to the plot, versus, for example, playing a Rolling Stones song in a fight or chase scene… or even more specifically, adding more modern songs in a period piece. This is one of the rare cases i’ve seen non-diagetic uses of music be as effective a character as any human.

Sinners took extra care (outside much of the credits) to be as authentic as possible regarding its choices, going so far as to hire language, music and cultural consultants. It’s also important to note that Miles Caton, who played Sammie Moore), learned to play guitar for his role, as opposed to hiring a professional guitarist, thus dubbing them in. One of the most compelling moments of great use of the mix of diagetic and non-diagetic is when composer Ludwig Göransson (who has worked with Coogler on several films) fuses the connectivity of the past and present state of African music and other cultural contributions, from the drums of the griot, to the blues, to hip hop, Afrofuturist rock, and more.

Another crucial scene was the ‘Rocky Road To Dublin’ sequence- a scene which had me dancing pretty hard- where the vampires had a ritual dance before the major attack on the remaining juke joint members. In the midst of this sequence; in the midst of aiming to convince the remaining juke joint members- Sammie in particular- to come with the vampires, Remmick (played by Jack O’Connell) says, “I am your way out. This world already left you for dead. Won’t let you build. Won’t let you fellowship. We will do just that. Together. Forever.” i believe it was Remmick who also talked about the land of his people being stolen, thus settling elsewhere.

This scene gives me another perspective, contradicting my previous one about the vampires being comparable to the military industrial complex- though i still think that is a valid perspective. While the costumes and references to the triple K will lend to some familiarity to the majority of filmgoers (particularly those who live in the U.S.); i think the larger framework of the narrative is anti-colonial, and anti-appropriation. While we see Remmick as the initial bringer of the mayhem in the film, i do question if he is the head vampire, as he appears to mostly be an agent or vessel. We (or at least I) ultimately never see (what i imagine to be) the the head vampire (or force) which was the root of the mayhem. The majority of the people whose energy was a target for the vampires to siphen from were colonized, either in the past or presently; whether they be from China, Ireland or Africa. The (indigenous) Choctaw peoples’ warning about the physical manifestation of this force went unheeded, and destruction ensued.

Alongside this interpretation, the depiction of the vampires could also be a manifestation of capitalism. Many of the characters in the film were sharecroppers, never having full ‘ownership’ of the land, and fulfilling quotas in order to access a bit of land and resources. For some, sharecropping (which was still on the spectrum of labor exploitation/wage theft) was a means of a modicum of ‘moving up’ from the ravages of enslavement.

Twins Smoke and Stack (both played by Michael B. Jordan) escaped sharecropping to hustle in Chicago, but decided to return to the place they escaped, either by preemptive measures, or by force. A message ultimately learned by the brothers (or what was left of them) was that under capitalism, any promises made by those who control the means of production can also be reneged at any moment. A dream of opening the ‘safe space’ of a juke joint in a place (superficially) deemed safe from Klan presence can never be reality in an environment rooted anywhere in which the very foundation is white supremacist. While we concentrate our focus on particular individuals as the primary villains (such as the ‘on the nose’ racists), it becomes easier to lose site of the invisible hand of the system which enables these individuals to exist and thrive.

Another reason i tend to avoid films produced/released by major Hollywood studios is the reliance on the formulation of caricatures which adhere to protagonist/antagonist tropes. There are far too many cartoonish depictions of racists (from the southern part of the U.S. in particular), as either uneducated, ignorant and oafish, or outright sociopathic; deliberately extracting the system itself as the ultimate villain. Due to its clear allegorical methods, Sinners successfully escapes this trope, despite it being set primarily in the 1930s. No one character is seen as inherently good or bad, and even the bulk of the so-called ‘antagonists’ are read sympathetically in some capacity.

The system identifies itself to the masses as attractive, by reading as all-inclusive- ‘You too can achieve the (white) American Dream, if you work hard enough, or act accordingly.’:“I am your way out. This world already left you for dead. Won’t let you build. Won’t let you fellowship. We will do just that. Together. Forever.” However, by depicting both the colonized as well as the descendants of colonizers/racists who did not heed the warning of the vampire hunters (for example) as being ‘sucked up’ by vampirism, Sinners shows that the vampiric system of capitalism is no respecter of ethnicity, class or gender, if none of those people control the means of production.

It would not be that difficult on its surface to interpret this film as giving the narrative that ‘White people are devils.’ As a matter of fact, i can guarantee that there are at least five people within five miles of whomever is reading this piece who feel that way. If we remember that capitalism is no respecter of race or gender, then it should be understood that any ‘white devil’ interpretation with no analysis is a reactionary interpretation of this film; it’s also an incredibly simplistic and myopic one.

Another trope that was handled fairly successfully, in light of what i see as the allegorical framework of the film, was the combination of the (fortunately no longer utilized as a common phrase) ‘tragic mulatto’, with the ‘white interloper’. A poorer film would have utilized Mary (played by Hailee Steinfeld) as a distraction, via the singular vehicle of a mere interracial love interest. However, Mary’s character arc, while indeed Stack’s love interest, read more as an exploration of the insidious nature of capitalism. On its surface, Mary’s existence could be read as a dichotomy between the ‘class collaborator’ and the ‘chosen family’. Mary initially approached the (not yet known as) vampires, utilizing her ability to ‘pass’ as a way of protecting her ‘chosen family’, but ultimately became an unwitting victim. While it is mentioned that her father was “one quarter Black,” in displaying the promises of wealth (and the lure of unrestricted desire), the vampire version of Mary lends herself as a vessel to evoking what would eventually become known as the ‘Black Misleadership Class.’

It should be obvious at this point that any interpretation i have of this film as a critique of capitalism is from a class analysis (of which race and ethnicity are factors); however, the cultural critique of capitalism is just as prominent.

Going back to the ‘spiritual resolution’ in the final act of The Color Purple, in a scene that consistently moves me to tears, Shug Avery felt compelled to return in some fashion to the church her father oversees. As she embraces her father, Shug (played by Margaret Avery) says, “See daddy? Sinners have soul too.” This is followed by a shot of a massively subtle, blink and you miss it smile by Celie (played by Whoopi Goldberg), who, with a lot of work and coordination reunited with her own sister, after decades of forced separation.

Despite being separated from his father Jedidiah (played by Saul Williams) for only one day, the trauma Sammie faced encouraged him to make a life-altering decision. As a Preacher’s Kid (or PK), despite the love he had for his father; he did not feel the same calling of the Protestant church as Shug Avery did. ‘Sinners’ indeed still had soul, but it was connected more to music itself as a journey, guided by ancestral memory and traditional spirituality, not tainted by colonial interpretations of God, enforced onto enslaved Africans.

The practice of Hoodoo was as pivotal a character as music was in the film. Practitioner Annie (played by Wunmi Mosaku) could have also been written as a caricature, depicting her as an older and undesirable (in the eyes of Hollywood and mainstream society) wise sage. But while there was spiritual certainty in her life, there were simultaneous tangible unknowns, such as the unresolved death of a newborn.

The women in the film were amazing. Women in many cases were the primary negotiators, the men often deferring to them. There is also a scene where a teenage girl is being encouraged to negotiate for what she wants, as opposed to settling. One of my favorite scenes in the film is in the first act- a negotiation scene with Grace (played by Li Jun Li). There was also a wonderful long shot of a brief exchange between Grace and her stoic daughter Lisa (played by Helena Hu).

Women were on the front lines of battle against the vampires, which is not unlike women (and many other marginalized folks) being on the front lines against state-sanctioned terror and other vestiges of capitalist violence. Women were not only the vehicle for men’s pleasure, but a willing participant in their own. i don’t necessarily see Coogler’s vision for the film as primarily a feminist one- at least not in the ways ‘feminism’ tends to be envisioned under capitalism. While patriarchy is a stark reality (as we wither live under capitalism, or among its remains), i see how the women of Sinners (and people in general) are depicted as being a reflection of a society not enveloped by the gender wars prominently displayed on the internet in our modern times, and assumed to be universally agreed upon. The women were as fleshed out as full humans (as much as one could be in a movie about vampires), as not only were they a source of strength and might for the community, but also displayed a great deal of vulnerability and care.

The women of Sinners could as well have been Carlotta Lucumi, Queen Nanny, Fannie Lou Hamer or Mbuya Nahanda.

i’m glad i saw the trailer i did in the theater. While the film was greenlit by one of the three largest studios in Hollywood, it didn’t necessarily feel like a big budget film. While the two trailers i saw after seeing it actually did give it ‘big budget Hollywood’ energy; Sinners would not feel out of place if it were to be released by a, say, A24 or Neon. While there was obvious CGI/digital work (Michael B. Jordan playing twins, sitting in the same car with each other for starters); this was the most obvious link to the budget, as the technology has gotten so advanced, that even much of the CGI has begun to look like practical effects.

This was also a film which was a clear resistance to the commodification of film as mere ‘content’. Yes, even with any views i have regarding this film’s potential for an anticapitalist analysis; it’s still a popcorn movie. That said, with one fairly long mid-credits scene, and one post-credit scene, this is seemingly Coogler’s response to the Netflix-ification of cinema (though it has happened prior to the company’s almost ubiquitous existence), where the moment the credits roll, people leave or switch to something else.

In the spirit of the honoring of elders, blues guitarist Buddy Guy (who i took my mother to see in concert back in the 90s) was featured heavily in the mid-credits scene, as Sammie, now 60 years older and wiser. With so many of our elders leaving this earth, it was a pleasure to see this scene.

In an interesting turn of events (and in a scene that, while i enjoyed it, i’m afraid may have been written to establish a series of sequels (or a universe, as opposed to a film that stands on its own)), Stack and Mary returned (in newly-formed bodies) to pay Sammie one last visit. Despite everything that occurred- the deaths and the lifelong effects of trauma- both Sammie and Stack mutually concurred that the night everything went down was one of the most freeing experiences they’ve ever had.

Miles Caton, in the final post-credit scene, sits down to perform the well-known gospel standard ‘This Little Light Of Mine’ on vocals and guitar, i saw this scene as Caton simply showing his talents, as opposed to him embodying the role of Sammie one last time. In a true ‘blink and you will miss it’ moment (which life partner jesse did miss, because he looked down at his phone for one brief second), before the screen goes black, Caton lifts his head, and his pupils appeared to be a similar color to the vampires, after they were initiated. This is either a well-played fakeout, or again, something which gives me a feeling of the potentiality of a sequel, or the creation of a universe.

We can only hope for the best… But we all know this is Hollywood.

____________________________________________________________________________


There’s much to the film i did not address (such as the color schemes and wardrobe choices), and i’m sure there’s plenty i’ve missed even in what i’ve written; there’s a lot to mull over, and this piece is simply a discussion of my initial thoughts. i purposefully chose not to look up any reviews or interpretations of this film prior to writing my own so as to not influence how or what i would write; so admittedly, any of my views could also be entirely off.

i definitely do not take back what i’ve said about Black Panther; Coogler does show that he can be a creative writer, when not necessarily constrained by the expectations of Hollywood’s notions of ‘Blackness’.

(All images courtesy of Warner Bros.)

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The Beauty Of Scars: (More) Lessons Learned From (Once Again) Meeting Metallica

“Let the scars tell the story. Before I die. Let the scars tell the story. ‘Cause scars never lie”

Metallica, ‘Black Squirrel’

In order to show your scars, you have to be able to have appreciation for them in some ways.

There is a sense of comfort in hiding your scars from the world; you don’t have to field assumptive questions from those who consider you ‘brave’ for just leaving the house. You don’t have to navigate a world that assumes you need assistance every second of the day- or a world in which you do, due to lack of accessibility. On another end, it is extremely difficult to leave the house many days, because of the process of having to remember everything needed, so i don’t continually have to put my prosthetic to go up and down the stairs. it’s something many take for granted, but for me, this process is a long one.

i speak primarily of physical scars here, as the result of an accident; there are layers of emotional scars i could potentially touch on as well, but that is for another time.

‘Broken Beat & Scarred’ (from 2008’s Death Magnetic), a song i love for its rhythmic illusion at the beginning, also has been a theme song of mine throughout both my physical and emotional healing journeys, post amputation. The open wounds may have all healed, but the evidence of the skin grafts on my legs and other signs of trauma on different parts of my body are still quite prominent. And of course, i am reminded every single day of what happened to me, because i live life with one leg.

The demo version of ‘Broken Beat & Scarred’, ‘Black Squirrel’, is also significant to me in its message of scars being the most reliable narrators of one’s life; it is indeed true that they “tell it best.” Even more accurate is, “Dying’s easy, it’s living that’s hard.” So much of my life has been a series of physical and emotional violence/abuse, multiple levels of rejection, depressive periods, ideation, tragic events and trauma- sometimes it is a wonder that i am still here.

i got a tattoo of the words opening the chorus of ‘Black Squirrel’- “Let the scars tell the story”. Like the lyrics of a song, sometimes scars don’t have to be explained for one to understand their messages.

Lance, Pedrum, Dave and Me (Photo courtesy of Lance)

April 19, 2025 was the 19th time i have seen Metallica live. While i would consider myself a baby in the show game (despite my first show being December 3, 1991), some have called me a veteran.

Why i continually go to as many Metallica shows as i physically can is for two reasons: It is the one place i get to see many of my friends in person. Being disabled in the ways that i am, i tend to be pretty isolated from regular human interaction. One of the things that has shifted in my healing journey is the concept of friendship. Obviously i had friends prior to the accident, but during that period of life i was fairly staunch in how i defined friendship. While i didn’t see it as limiting at the time; after people i considered to be friends either disappeared or totally dropped me at the time of my deepest levels of vulnerability, i began learning to let go of the attachment of how i was conditioned to idealize friendship.

Going to these shows, i actually never realized how many friends i had.

Another pivotal moment is that one of my closest friends succumbed to cancer in a hospice, right before i saw Metallica in Mexico City last year, and just as i was planning to go see her. She was the quintessential definition of how i saw a friend: talking almost daily in some capacity- whether by phone, text or voice notes- sometimes for multiple hours at a time (despite both of us dealing with our own health-related issues), intense conversations about random things, commiserating about the horrors of capitalism, crying on each others’ shoulders (even if by phone)- and now all of that was gone. It was a St. Anger moment, if you will.

Life partner jesse (who has gone to see Metallica with me six times thus far, including the show on April 19) is the closest friend i have, since Cicely’s passing. That said, i don’t want to dump all of my feelings, anxieties and trauma onto them (when they have their own life to contend with). So i had to shift any concept about what a friend means to me, as well as what it means to be a friend. In the midst of our struggles, and in the course of me learning to let go, we actually became closer.

i think about something James Hetfield said in relation to the 72 Seasons album, but i think it applies to what i am speaking of here as well: “Much of our adult experience is reenactment or reaction to these childhood experiences. Prisoners of childhood or breaking free of those bondages we carry.”

Self-reflection is an every day journey.

jesse and me

The second reason i continually go to Metallica shows is that they are a spiritual band for me. Seeing their shows continue to be a healing and cathartic part of my life. There are many who focus on the material (as in, whether or not the band messes up, among other things). For certain, Metallica are not gods; they are imperfect, mortal beings just like the rest of us. However, i experience their music as a vehicle to the connection of our higher selves. Their concerts are aptly felt as “A sea of hearts beat(ing) as one, unified,” as described in ‘Lux Æterna’. In many ways you have a “Kindred alliance” with old friends, and new ones you’ve made at the show as well.

Clara, Christina and me (Photo courtesy of Clara)

This particular show was special for me, because despite jesse and i going to shows together, we are not always together, as i tend to be in general admission (GA), and he tends to be in the seats. This show was his first time on the floor with me, and this introductory moment could not have been a better example of what’s described in ‘Lux Æterna’.

i remember giving him a session on what to be prepared for when attending a Metallica show- the AC/DC and Ennio Morricone intros before the band comes on for example- but not much can prepare you for being out on the floor, no matter how assured you are in your readiness. Every single show is different.

The April 19 setlist, which someone on the crew kindly handed to me

The setlist on the surface wasn’t particularly special. It consisted of crowd favorites and reliable excitables. None of this matters to me- every single Metallica show, from the deeper cuts to ‘Sandman’, is a spiritual experience.

That said, the second segment of the show particularly meant a lot to me. Firstly, i got to share the moment of seeing one of jesse’s all-time favorite Metallica songs, ‘King Nothing’, on the floor with him. Secondly, the second part of the set also consisted of a series of songs that have been a particular part of my healing journey. ‘Lux Æterna’ always feels like a giant hug to me. ‘Screaming Suicide‘ was one of the songs that encouraged me to call the hotline, moments before deciding to end it all. ‘The Day That Never Comes’ speaks to the ‘invisible kid’ in me.

But it was Kirk Hammett and Rob Trujillo’s doodle that spoke the most to me- they usually do an original song, then a cover of a band local to the city (or state) they are playing at. Rob even announced that they were doing a deeper cut, and we should sing along if we knew it. As they were playing, the riff was quite familiar to me; and similar to when they performed ‘FIXXXER’ at the 40th anniversary show, i was a bit in shock at what i was hearing.

‘Broken, Beat & Scarred.’

As i spent much of the time in disbelief of my theme song being played as part of this doodle, Lars Ulrich (my biggest musical inspiration) walks out of one of the band’s mini break rooms, directly in front of me. i wave hello, but he does not see me- something i am pretty used to. i have learned to not be attached to such loss.

Lars, cup of water in hand, stands in the center of the open space reserved for band and crew entering and exiting the stage. He proceeds to shake the hands of audience members close by- one of those people i later learned, was jesse.

As i am doing my best to take in the fact that Rob and Kirk are performing this song, i feel a tap on my shoulder. i turn around, and Lars waves at me. i wave back. He extends his hand. We shake hands, and he puts his hand to his heart. i do the same.

i’ve been standing off and on throughout the show, and after this brief moment with Lars, my legs began to almost give out in pain, so i plop myself back down in the wheelchair. A crew member immediately hands me some sparkling water.

i do not know if Lars remembers me from our time in 2023; despite the fact that not much was said between us at all in that brief moment; the person who is my biggest musical inspiration, the person who plays drums in a band that is a massive contributor to my healing journey, in the middle of a major theme song of said journey is a lot to take in. And my legs responded in kind.

Throughout the show i also get a thumbs up from Kirk, a head nod from Rob, and a couple more silent ‘hellos’ from them both. i do not personally know any of these people, but somehow i feel supported in ways i never expected.

Lars (with Kirk)
Rob

i was to receive another unexpected surprise, on an already full night of surprises.

Upon the conclusion of ‘Enter Sandman’ (the final song of the set), James looked directly at me and mouthed the words, “Thank you,” then threw a pick in my direction; it landed right in front of me, the barrier/rail being the literal barrier between myself and the pick. i could never be upset at what could seemingly be considered a ‘loss’, as the intent was far more important than the action in this case.

i had a similar experience in the Snake Pit (the area located in the center of the stage) at one of their shows last year in Seattle. In the middle of ‘One’ (which is my amputated leg’s favorite song in the whole world), Hetfield gives me a giant smile; after the set was over, with a ‘prayer hands’ gesture he thanks me, and throws a pick in my direction. The initial feeling of this experience was shock; i wasn’t even aware he was paying attention to me at all. There’s tens of thousands of people- people much more interesting than me to pay attention to.

Back to Syracuse: Someone who worked at the venue picked up the pick and handed it to the person next to me. He immediately turned to me and asked if i wanted the pick, and of course, i said no. The joy on his face to receive the pick thrown by Hetfield was one of the highlights of my night. It meant so much to him to receive a memento from his second Metallica show.

After the band made their post-show speeches (a part of the show i enjoy; it was my first time seeing them do this up close, versus on a screen), they exited the stage, directly where we were located. Immediately, a slew of hands reached out to receive some attention from the four (horse)men. This part of the show (regardless of band) is always overwhelming to me to experience as an amputee; also, while i understand it on an emotional level, it’s the type of over-stimulation that is difficult to internally experience.

i couldn’t imagine the over-stimulation the band feels every single night. At the same time, perhaps it is something they have an appreciation for, and/or crave.

Out of the four to exit the stage, James was the last one. Upon seeing him, i noticed the hand from the woman next to me reach out. When bands have passed any area of audience i’ve been in, i tend to be bypassed; it’s not a positive or negative thing. It just is. i’ve become accustomed of a life full of misses and ‘near misses’- including death. i’m not particularly special; there’s nothing about me where it should be assumed that i be approached by anyone, so any moments of connectivity are ones i cherish, and hold in my heart.

James Hetfield bypassed the majority of hands reaching out for a touch from him, and he approached me. He said, “Thank you for rocking out with me tonight,” and handed me his handkerchief.

Again, i didn’t consider myself to be doing anything different than i normally do; i cannot possibly be the only person rocking out at their shows. At least i hope not. When i see my favorite bands in concert, i sing and scream so loud that i end up losing my voice at times by the end. Sometimes, my body aches the next day, because i’m dancing hard. For me, it was a typical night at a Metallica show. i don’t care if i look silly doing any of it.

As i’ve mentioned numerous times (including this piece), this band’s music has had a major hand in saving my life. Their music has been a massive part of my journey in healing, not only when i was in the hospital in the type of pain i would wish on no one; but also in my mode of physical and emotional rehabilitation. i’ve also been encouraged through their music to ask for help when i was moments away from ending it all. i am grateful for their existence in my life. A Metallica concert will always be a spiritual experience for me.

A ‘Scary Guy’ pick- Easter Version

i didn’t take a look at the handkerchief until an hour or so after the concert’s end. It is a beautifully made custom ‘Skull And Crossbones’ design (with the letter H for the crossbones); perhaps it is another (slight) interpretation of the always classic (and always imitated, but never duplicated) Scary Guy. It definitely captures the personality of who we publicly know as ‘Papa Het’, whose name is featured in yellow script on the opposite ends of the centered skull and crossbones image.

The handkerchief is a wonderful gift i will always appreciate; it is a relatively custom gift- that is, while there are limited versions of it made specifically for an individual, there are still other copies of it; while i am incredibly humbled to receive such a gift (as he could have given it to anyone else), the even bigger gift was the one of mutual appreciation. He didn’t have to approach me at all. He could have approached me to simply say ‘Thank you’, and it would have meant just as much, if not more. There are so many things i would have liked to have said in that moment- particularly about how his band saved my life, but ultimately, i didn’t have to.

These moments happen for only seconds; however, they are moments i can never take for granted. i do not take any moments i’ve had, whether silent or vocal, on stage or off, with band or audience members, and regardless of duration, for granted.

This may not seem like an apt comparison, but this experience is not unlike waking up to find two beautiful kittens on the bed almost every day. One of them, not yet amenable to touch, still trusts enough to be close to you. The other plops herself next to you, positioning her head to receive nose boops and massages.

A moment of connection with an artist who has inspired us is very much like a moment with a cat friend who chooses to approach us- the connection is based on consent. Many of us marvel at how adorable a cat is, but it doesn’t mean this adorable cat wants to be picked up. Just as a cat doesn’t owe me touches, an artist does not owe me their time, outside of what they give on the stage.

Another thing i thought about before i came to write this is how, despite living with two beautiful kittens who wake up next to me most days, i still have to ask myself if they are real. After losing a wonderful cat friend in 2015, i did not live with any non-human companions for almost ten years, as many apartments do not allow them. When Peabo and Watch-o! adopted us this year, a range of emotions washed over me (which persist till this day), from disbelief to relief.

i suppose i could describe my feelings about the kittens in a material way; even the reality of responsibility in making sure the box is cleaned, the food and water bowls are full, and they are safe exists- however, when i sit and look at them; when they give me blinks, or when i play with them all of that goes away.

While a human artist is (obviously) not a cat or kitten, what both of these beings do is gauge how safe or emotionally ready they are to engage with you on their terms.

Meet & Greets certainly do exist; some of them are very quick (as in, a hello and a quick photograph). There are others (such as Metallica’s) which predominately involve a question and answer period, and a quick conversation. Like the time in the Snake Pit (a position of the closest proximity to the stage), meet & greets are heavily coveted. Having been in the Snake Pit a couple of times, and participated in a meet & greet a few years ago (as well as a book signing event); i met all four members of Metallica in the course of a year- a thing i certainly don’t take for granted, as it is a pretty rare thing in this time.

That said, meet & greets in general are set up to be fairly transactional. And while i do not consider my experience of the meet & greet to be necessarily so (especially since we had a little more time to be human, and because i poured my heart out for part of it), the meeting was still set up for a specific purpose. What occurred on April 19, for me, felt a bit more relational.

The four members of Metallica may not remember meeting me in 2023 at all, and that is okay. They meet thousands of people in their lives, whether in meet & greets, at special events or at concerts; i don’t expect that i would be a standout.

There have been a few other shows at this point where Rob or Kirk would nod, or (as mentioned before) James would smile; but i’ve never, during one night, had some level of communication with all four members. Some have said to me that it’s because they’ve become familiar with me. While this is possible, i cannot say if this is the case. It would be fascinating to know that my face is familiar to them on a very basic level, but i am one out of tens of thousands of people, and they are simply responding to whomever they could see amid the bright lights on the stage.

i am also no more special than any other person band members have gone up to, at any given point in time. In fact, i am not special at all. The reason why this evening was a pivotal one is because Metallica is a major chapter of my life’s journey- a part where i am once again learning to be okay with myself, to the point where i can once again say i love myself. It is difficult, but i am working on it. The first step in that is learning to accept my scars, as part of my life’s journey.

Because scars can be some of the best teachers, if you allow them to be. If I allow them to be. This concert may not be the first time i have learned this, but one thing this experience has brought to light is that in accepting scars, you do not have to let them define you.

Let the scars tell the story…

Posted in cats, concerts, disability, music | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Jesse sees Metallica For The First Time On The Floor!!!

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-36taq-18875ed

(RECORDED ON APRIL 20, 2025) On April 19, 2025 jamilah and jesse took a road trip to Syracuse, NY to see Metallica- it was jesse’s 6th time seeing them, and jamilah’s 19th.  At one-something in the morning they decided to discuss their immediate feelings- particularly jesse, who saw them for the first time on the floor.  Were there any differences for him (besides the obvious proximity to the stage) in his experiences?

If you went to the Syracuse show- or if you’ve gone to any of the shows on the M72 tour, you can tell us your experiences by contacting: musicandwepodcast@gmail.com

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Podcasts Unite (pt. 2): A Conversation With Greg Soden (Unscripted Moments: A Podcast About Propagandhi)

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-2mtpi-1881d62

(RECORDED ON APRIL 15, 2025) As our last episode involved a conversation with someone who is not only in one of our favorite bands, but also someone who is in arguably one of the most important bands of our time; we feel really happy to have that episode be followed up with someone who not only understands what it’s like to create a podcast, but whose podcast is themed around the very band featured in our previous episode!

Greg Soden, co-host of Unscripted Moments: A Podcast About Propagandhi, was kind enough to take the little time he had out of his day to speak with us.  There were so many things we wanted to ask and talk about; in our brief time together though, we discussed the inspiration for making a podcast on such a band as Propagandhi.  We also spoke about his experience as an educator, and what he does to bring positivity and move beyond limitations in that experience.  And of course, we discuss the couple of songs that have been released (up to this point) off of Propagandhi’s upcoming album.

Thanks for listening! 

To listen to Unscripted Moments, go to: https://unscriptedmoments.libsyn.com/

If you have any questions and comments for us, you can contact: musicandwepodcast@gmail.com

Posted in documentary, michael jackson | Leave a comment

Working On Being ‘At Peace’: A Conversation With Propagandhi’s Chris Hannah

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-jstct-1858b6f

(RECORDED ON MARCH 20, 2025) The creation of a podcast (or radio show) is an interesting process; one of the most rewarding parts can sometimes be the most heartbreaking, as you take a lot of chances in hoping the person you’ve contacted will reach back out to you.  Many times they do, and there are times they don’t. 

But you keep on pushing.

And pushing on is what Propagandi has done since the birth of their existence.  Facing rejection, isolation, threats and more over the years, they never waned on their mission to be a musical representation of the ‘Animal-Friendly, Anti-Fascist, Gay/Trans/Non-Binary/Intersex-Positive, and Pro-Feminist’ voice. 

jamilah has had a relationship with Propagandhi’s music for over 20 years (beginning with Less Talk, More Rock), and they have become one of her favorite bands of all time. So admittedly, sitting down and having a conversation with guitarist, vocalist and co-songwriter Chris Hannah was a long-time dream, fulfilled.  

Chris and jamilah discuss a range of subjects, from growing up as punk (and metal) kids in the 80s and 90s, aging bodies and self-care, musical inspirations, subject matter caveats, ideological maturation, current Canada/US relations, parenthood, and more.

Songs featured:

-Fuck The Border (Today’s Empires, Tomorrow’s Ashes, Fat Wreck Chords, 2001)
-Oka Everywhere (Where Quantity Is Job #1 (Compilation), G7 Welcoming Committee, 1998)
-When All Your Fears Collide (Victory Lap, Epitaph, 2017)
-Haillie Sallasse, Up Your Ass (How To Clean Everything, Fat Wreck Chords, 1993)
-Comply/Resist (Victory Lap, Epitaph, 2017)
-A People’s History Of The World (Less Talk, More Rock; Fat Wreck Chords, 1996)
-Apparently, I’m A “P.C. Fascist” (Because I Care About Both Human And Non-Human Animals) (Less Talk, More Rock; Fat Wreck Chords, 1996)
-Superbowl Patriot XXXVI (Enter The Mendicant) (Potemkin City Limits; G7 Welcoming Committee/Fat Wreck Chords, 1996)
-Dear Coach’s Corner (Supporting Caste, G7 Welcoming Committee/Smallman Records, 2009)
-At Peace (from upcoming album ‘At Peace’; Epitaph, 2025)
-Rio De San Atlanta, Manitoba (Less Talk, More Rock; Fat Wreck Chords, 1996)
-Cognitive Suicide (Failed States, Epitaph, 2012)
-Letters To A Young Anus (Victory Lap, Epitaph, 2017)
-Note To Self (Failed States, Epitaph, 2012)

Thanks for listening!

For more information and to keep up with Propagandhi, go to:  https://propagandhi.com/

To get a hold of us, you can reach us here: musicandwejj@gmail.com

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On Being A Leftist In The Black Metal World: A Conversation With Brutus Bathory

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-4brvr-17f210e

(RECORDED ON FEBRUARY 28, 2025) Black Metal as a subgenre tends to get a pretty bad rap- not only because of its sound, but also because some of the most well-known proponents have unsavory, toxic and hateful alliances.   On jamilah’s search for some counters to this stereotype, she found the Youtube channel of a certain Brutus Bathory, a leftist Black Metal fan who gave an anticapitalist, critical lens to the music he loves. 

Slightly sarcastically described as a channel which discusses “Metal, politics, and other uncontroversial topics,” Brutus addresses the contradictions of patriarchy, consumerism, and the various forms of reactionary sentiments and behaviors which permeate the scene.  His commentaries are a measured love letter of sorts; with well-researched, and pretty accessible responses.  While he displays adoration for a music that has gotten him through life, he pleads for its static nature to cease.

In the conversation, jamilah and Brutus discuss some of the content of the commentaries, as well as addressing some of our own personal (at some points major) contradictions regarding the music we love. 

For questions, comments, etc.  you can reach us here: musicandwejj@gmail.com

Posted in documentary, michael jackson | Leave a comment

Patriarchy, The Abdication Of Responsibility, And The Deliberate Nescience Of DJ Akademiks

creative commons

i tend not to write much about ‘internet culture’ as a whole, as i don’t follow the ins and outs of it; therefore it would make little sense for me to speak in depth on it. However, there is a particular series of sentences i heard within the past day or two that disturbed my spirit and shook me to my core.

"For me, I look at it like this.  Y'all are acting like y'all not men.  If this was a woman, I would've just either typed up an apology or sat here and read out a script.  If it was a woman...  And I know y'all would be like, 'Who cares if it's a woman or a man??!!...  It's just how it happens when it comes to men....  That's the only thing I could kinda be like, 'Bro, y'all are treating this kid like this is a female that _______ have cornered and victimized...  When I was in high school, yeah, my friends who might have been older was like, 'Damn dog, you ain't do blah blah blah yet?'  That was a kind of conversation...  I didn't look at that as predatory.  I didn't look at it as 'Oh this guy is weird 'cause he's asking me 'Oh, oh you like this girl and you ain't fucked her yet?  I didn't look at it as that, but I get it; we're in this era where everything' is...'s a little bit weird to people.  If the majority of the people in the world wanna say, 'Oh yeah, no no, that's weird, you can't ask young men about if they've lost their virginity' or if they would do blah blah blah...  Especially if you have like a, you know, if you have like a big bro, little bro situation- Okay, I get it.  I'm not tripping.  But historically with me, I've seen that where that's not that big of a deal.  And I guess maybe that's why I didn't respond or even think about the situation in that type of way, because I'm like, it's not like we're saying this to a female; we're saying this to a dude.  He also doesn't live in this country.  We're jonesing on him: 'Bro, you not fucking bitches? Yo, you not doing this?'  Now i've realized that we're in such a woke era, that these guys are saying that jonesing on a male about sex; granted yes, underage, is grooming.  I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm gonna cool off being in any type of space with these guys."    

Please take this in, then read it again and comprehend why it is crucial to not ignore this.

For those who are not aware, Livingston Allen- better known as DJ Akademiks, has faced massive amounts of backlash after he (and others) attempted to force a 15 year old (whose pseudonym is NourGxd) into discussing topics of a sexual nature, which obviously made NourGxd uncomfortable. Despite his protests (and multiple acknowledgements of his age), Akademiks and others on the call continued to push. At one point he asks, “You’re telling me there’s not another 15-year-old you could buss down?” One person stated they would send strippers to his house. Plaqueboymax is the person who’s page Nour moderates, and in the midst of this conversation there was the suggestion that Nour could gain experience with Max’ sister, who is an adult.

i want to commend Nour for practicing situational awareness, and holding his ground against people who appear to find sexual harassment of not only unwilling participants virtuous, but a minor.

While the bulk of the backlash is due to Nour’s age; while i do hope this isn’t the case, i cannot say if the critique generally has moved beyond that.

After he was banned from Twitch and (allegedly) lost a sponsorship, Livingston stated that his actions “Definitely” created “a regrettable moment, and we’re going to use it as a teachable moment. Because I don’t think I’ve came this far, built this platform, to be that irresponsible, right?” Despite whatever regrets he may carry (sincere or not), is it plausible to believe that this person (who has a biomathematics degree from Rutgers University) has learned anything from this, given his experiential take of it being “not that big of a deal.”?

Historically, African people were sold and forced to breed by people who stole and enslaved them. Historically, people faced state violence for just existing. Historically, there were Japanese internment camps. There were forced relocations. There were death camps. There were many things historically that had mass sociopolitical support. Simultaneously, there were always those who actively resisted.

i can guarantee that a person like Livingston Allen doesn’t advocate for chattel slavery; that said, i cannot be sure if he’s necessarily in opposition to state violence, as past YouTube channels he created in 2014- Crime Fails and The War in Chiraq– served as an exploitative mediator between popular culture and the carceral state. Perhaps this is the historical materialist in me, but if you are going to appeal to history as your rationale for an unwillingness to change, then remorse is primarily a means of reacting to the backlash you’ve received.

Livingston’s trajectory is unsettling, because there are multiple levels of biological determinism he utilizes in both his appeal to history, as well as how he’s presented himself on the internet. It can be difficult to grasp because he’s done it in a way that people, by proxy, associate with ‘hip hop culture’. But frankly, on some level there isn’t much of a distinction between what he does, and what hardcore right wing and fascist formations do, save his complexion.

What makes what he does even more dangerous is that, as descendants of both colonizers and the colonized, the majority of us are conditioned to perform similar levels of biological and cultural determinism, some of us even acting it out. i have seen quite a few people attributing his behavior to the fact that he is Jamaican, and due to this, he should be deported. It goes without saying that thinking the behaviors of a few are indicative of the area of the world they are from is illogical because again, there are always going to be people who resist cultural and sociopolitical norms. Also, if one’s behavior is due to being Jamaican, you would then have to reckon with Jamaica being the recipient of British colonization.

It also goes without saying that the second portion of these sentiments is troubling, in that they echo a certain ‘American exceptionalism’, whether conscious or not. In advocating for deportation of someone who performs the same levels of toxic behavior as many who were born and raised here not only neglects to examine the origin of this behavior; but it is confirmation of the lack of our collective organization and political education. i hold no doubts that a percentage of people among this group advocate for the current wave of mass deportations that are occurring as well.

“…(I)t’s not like we’re saying this to a female; we’re saying this to a dude. He also doesn’t live in this country.”

Nour, the young person who was sexually harassed and bullied by Livingston Allen and his associates on a Discord call, is Palestinian (a place that, in case one has forgotten, is currently experiencing a genocide, where ceasefires are unsurprisingly being violated), currently residing in Malaysia. In the course of his life he’s also experienced the loss of his mother. While i don’t think the geographical location is integral to discussing why Livingston’s behavior was atrocious; there was seemingly an insinuation that any pushback from Nour- a person who appears to spend significant time on the internet, as he moderates a Discord page- was due to his inability to fathom ‘American male humor’.

The primary qualification of ‘American male humor’ is its promotion of hierarchical structures of power. Jocular on its surface; from Asian men being de-sexualized to the ‘don’t drop the soap’ winks and nods, it relies on the more insidious tropes of misogyny (and all which fall under it), racism and xenophobia to fuel its punchlines. The level of peacocking displayed by Livingston and his associates as a means to get a rise out of Nour is the type of thing that got many a laugh out of people in various comedic films in the 80s and 90s. When Livingston taunted Nour with the question, “(I)f (Plaqueboymax) said he wanted to try fucking a dude, will you let him fuck you?,” Nour responded that he is not gay. In turn, Livingston retorts (in the form of a question), “Why not? Yo, suppose he’s like your bro, ‘Listen, you always wanted me to be next to you, now I can be inside of you.’ 

We must move beyond the simplistic reasoning that asking such questions means the person who asked the question is gay. Making assumptions about one’s orientation (with situations like this in particular) ultimately trivializes the clarity of these questions being asked, in which the objective is to establish a hierarchy. These questions (and the exchange in general) were to be seen as a rite of passage for Nour. If he passes the test, then he can become a man in the eyes of the group.

The response to Livingston at this time appears similar to the responses given for both Sean Combs and R(obert) Kelly. Their behaviors have been known to be abusive; in fact, Livingston recently faced accusations of his own. In this society, allegations (or even evidence) of assault of women don’t always warrant cessation of sponsorships or removal of platforms; however, when the accused’s behavior is to have been found unbecoming in relation to young boys, it becomes a sort of angered comedic fodder- hence, the spate of passing ‘No Diddy’ comments, as a modern replacement for the unfortunate ‘No homo.’ The ultimate message is that abusive behavior towards young boys (when you are a man) is an affront to the hierarchy of cis-hetero masculinity, rarely addressing the abuse in and of itself.

If the abuse in and of itself were actually confronted, we would not, for instance lionize the film Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song for being a positively transgressive work of art, when the opening scene is literally Melvin Van Peebles sexually exploiting his son on camera. (Ultimately, like with That’s The Way Of The World, the quality of Earth Wind & Fire (before the fame)’s soundtrack heavily surpasses that of Van Peebles’ film).

If the abuse in and of itself were actually being confronted, the video of R(obert) Kelly urinating on a teenage girl would not have been passed around en masse as entertainment. i am also going to posit that if Michael Jackson publicly presented himself as traditionally masculine and spent similar time with young girls as he did with boys, he would obviously be met with some resistance (though not with as much frequency), but he would not be the punching bag to a comedic lightning round. While this did not make him immune from toxic behaviors; from reading his book (as well as interviews), it appears that Michael’s constructed persona was in opposition to the hypermasculine, stoic patriarch of Joseph Jackson, who discouraged his children from calling him ‘Dad’. Michael even talked about how Joseph and his older brothers would (allegedly) have sex with ‘groupies’ while he and brother Marlon would pretend to be asleep. Because of his constructed persona, as far back as the late 1970s (and long before the abuse accusations), Michael Jackson was assumed to be gay- one publicized (unfounded) rumor being that he was in a partnership with actor Clifton Davis, who wrote the Jackson 5 song ‘Never Can Say Goodbye’.

“If this was a woman, I would’ve just either typed up an apology or sat here and read out a script. If it was a woman… And I know y’all would be like, ‘Who cares if it’s a woman or a man??!!… It’s just how it happens when it comes to men…. Now i’ve realized that we’re in such a woke era, that these guys are saying that jonesing on a male about sex; granted yes, underage, is grooming.”

There is a quote famously attributed to Maya Angelou: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

When Livingston Allen claims to show remorse for his recent actions, this doesn’t align with his overall response, which is that showing concern for a young person who is clearly the recipient of harassment is ‘woke’, and equitable to concern for a ‘female’. Because of course, concern for the well-being of a child is an inherent feminine trait which ‘real men’ should not be participating in. ‘Real men’ engage in subjugation/domination, and should never devalue their worth by displaying vulnerability.

The fact he admits that his form of an apology to a woman or young girl would be the composition of a script is to me, an ample demonstration of his lack of sincerity in apologetics. It’s clear that, without pressure, he never felt the need to apologize, so having one which is prepared is used as a means to stave off further accountability.

What he did was indeed a form of grooming; but similar to the assumptions made around orientation based on these actions, it is imperative we look beyond conventional conversations around grooming in this day and age. The fact that Livingston and his associates idealized the concept of ‘boys being boys’- that is, putting people in situations they did not consent to- perpetuates the notion that children can never be children, in its truest sense. The fact that it is deemed unfavorable for a boy to not have had intercourse by the age of 15 (or at least thinking about planning to do it) says a lot. The fact that girls are demonized and shamed if they have had sex at that age means that the expectation is for boys (who cannot be with girls their age because said girls are supposed to be virgins), if they are going to be men, to have sex with women.

Women. Adult women.

Nour was not being groomed simply for the pleasure of the men who engaged with him on the call; the grooming was for them, a preparation; a ‘masterclass’ of sorts, for ensuring he learns to uphold the hierarchies expected upon him. As a matter of fact, the response to the criticism was essentially, ‘The kid started it.’ Allen and his associates maintained that they, men in their 30s, needed to match Nour, a 15 year old kid’s energy. While some may refuse to interpret it in this way, their rationalizations fall adjacent to rape culture. Despite a clearly uncomfortable Nour telling the adults in the room to chill, the adults continued; not unlike a person who was previously okay with sex, now wanting to stop- and the other person is not listening to that request.

According to his bullies, this child started it (aka wearing an armor of weakness/feminine traits), so he was deserving of how he was treated.

The harassment of this child occurred because a few things he said were assumed to be ‘gay,’ and of course, the adults in the room are not gay. They had to prove a point to show who was the ‘real man’ in the room. The role of peacocking in cases like this, as is every level of assault, is to enact domination onto those you deem weaker. It is purely about asserting power.

And as we admonish Livingston Allen and his associates for their behaviors; we need to engage in self-reflection/self-criticism for our own participation in or acquiescence to the environments and systems which enabled a DJ Akademiks.

Posted in children, justice, life, politics, technology | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

jamilah Makes A Record, And jesse Interviews Her…

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-kubxw-17c4d98

(RECORDED ON JANUARY 20, 2025) Well…  We don’t know what to say.  jamilah is usually the one asking the questions, talking to others about the things which inspire them.  Because she recently came out with a record (called One Day I Slipped And Fell On A Thought), jesse had an idea- and to her surprise, that idea was to flip the mic around and ask jamilah some questions. 

She discusses the process for making the record, as well as some of the methods, events and people which inspired her.  Hopefully, the episode is interesting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One Day I Slipped And Fell On A Thought is here: https://teodorasfist.bandcamp.com/album/one-day-i-slipped-and-fell-on-a-thought

For questions, comments, etc.  you can reach us here: musicandwejj@gmail.com

Posted in documentary, michael jackson | Leave a comment

My 25 (current) Desert Island Discs

The last post i made was regarding my 100 (current) favorite records (plus five more); but unless you have a whole digital database of records, you cannot bring everything with you. So of course the question becomes, if you were going somewhere for an extended period of time or were (hypothetically, perhaps) stranded in a particular location (like an island), and had a choice of only 25 pieces of physical media- records, CDs or cassettes- to carry with you, what would those be?

A few of these records have been on that list for many years, but other choices, i had to think about. Nevertheless, while not necessarily in order, here it is:

  1. Diana Ross- Diana (Motown, 1980)

    Written, arranged and produced by the great Bernard Edwards and Nile Rogers, Diana, to me, is one of the greatest pop albums to exist on the face of the earth. Born from the legacy of R&B and maintaining its funk-laden disco roots (before it got heavily commercialized and demonized by racists, homophobes and ‘music purists’); as with every record they’ve produced, the album has its Chic stamp all over it, while simultaneously highlighting the artist’s autonomous voice.

Despite Ms. Ross having several post-Supremes albums prior to this album (all of which i actually enjoy), this was her true ‘coming out’ (no pun intended, honest) album. This was the first of her albums that was stripped of all the ‘Motown glamour’. It also was where she openly had some creative influence, as she (along with Russ Terrana) remixed the album, giving it a much cleaner sound than the original Chic mixes.

This album is like being privy to a party in Soweto, with Tony Thompson’s ‘4 on the floor’ drums, and Rogers’ percussive guitar. This has been on the desert island disc list for as long as i can remember.

2. Earth Wind & Fire- All N’ All (Columbia, 1977)

There is no way i would ever leave my favoritest ever band ever in the whole world off this list. Rooted in eternal connection between Africa and her diaspora, the album is also inspired by everything from travels to Brazil to Close Encounters Of The Third Kind.

This album is one of the aural definitions of perfection. This album is pure love.

3. Public Image Ltd.- Metal Box (Virgin, 1979)

i am about to commit the biggest punk crime of all when i say that i was never really into the Sex Pistols. i had Never Mind The Bollocks (on vinyl), but i don’t think i listened to it more than two or three times, before i got rid of it.

i found PiL, and i fell in love. While i absolutely love Public Image (aka First Issue), it was Metal Box (later issued as Second Edition) which became one of my biggest musical inspirations. With it, John Joseph Wardle (aka Jah Wobble) became one of my biggest bass inspirations as well. In fact, i had Second Edition first for a bunch of years, before i found a copy of Metal Box in an antique store some 20 or so years ago. Nothing was the same when i found that film canister.

This album was like post punk, prog, proto noise, spoken word, avant garde, dub… It was both anti-music and pro music at the same time, akin to Captain Beefheart’s brilliant Trout and Decals albums (and maybe even some Ice Cream For Crow). It was an album that could not be recreated, especially when the band never had the same incarnation for that long.

Tales of horror, death (impending or actual) and the general absurdities of existing as a human, Metal Box utilizes sound itself as part of the narrative, whether it’s tape loops, sped up, slowed down vocals, or the recipient of a locked groove (as with the Metal Box-version of ‘Swan Lake’).

4. John Coltrane- Giant Steps (Atlantic, 1960)

i don’t even know what to say, honestly. This album (especially the title track) forever changed my life. Despite being exposed to music my whole life, when i was 19 years old i heard ‘Giant Steps’ and Herbie’s ‘Maiden Voyage’, instantly i fell in love with music. They led me to understand why music was important.

Giant Steps was the calm before the ever crucial storm that was the Impulse! era. i will forever be indebted to this album for being a teacher to me.

5. Pulp- Different Class (Island, 1995)

While seemingly a mix (and continuation) of their previous albums’ themes (It, Freaks, (and especially) Separations and His N’ Hers), this is the album where i feel the band finally fine tuned their craft.

Even the cover does its job: The band, devoid of color, are pictured in a wedding scene, as if they’ve interrupted it. Pulp, in a way, disrupted pop music. i see Pulp (and Different Class in particular) in a similar way as i see the Kinks: musical underdogs that made it into the pop lexicon, who made songs about class discrepancies with a sardonic wit.

Pulling from other aspects of pop sensibilities (and riffs), Pulp utilized a dry humor (and a bit of sentimentality) to tell tales of infidelity (maybe?), intoxicated partying, poverty tourism, lost love, and the joys of new love.

(The show i saw from this tour is also, to this day, one of my favorite ever shows of all time. i remember it pouring outside all day, and Timothy Leary just passed).

6. Mission Of Burma- Signals, Calls And Marches (Ace Of Hearts, 1981)

Simultaneously angular and catchy, this is one of those albums that helped to form what i love about music today.

7. Memphis Minnie- The Best Of Memphis Minnie Vol. 1 1929 – 1938 (Blues Documents, 1982)

i have no idea why this woman is not listed in the pantheon of greatest guitarists- but now that i think about it, neither are Sister Rosetta Tharpe, Elizabeth Cotton or Maybelle Carter (or Leslie Riddle, who was a massive inspiration on Carter).

More people need to know who this woman is.

8. Bad Religion- The Empire Strikes First (Epitaph, 2004)

Bad Religion is one of my favorite ever bands of all time. This is my favorite Bad Religion album of all time. This album has one of the greatest album openers of all time. The first side of this album is a powerhouse. This album contains my favorite Bad Religion song of all time.

End of story.

9. Steel Pulse- African Holocaust (Real Authentic Sound/Sanctuary, 2004)

The band which brought inspiration for a(nother) certain hardcore band (Earth Crisis), African Holocaust is actually my favorite Steel Pulse album. This album is always going to be on time, whatever desert island we go to.

10. Metallica- St. Anger (Elektra, 2004)

i don’t even think i need to explain this one.

11. Billy Ocean- Nights (Feel Like Getting Down) (GTO/Epic. 1981)

Billy Ocean’s third, this is one of those albums that, to me, are adjacent to both Earth, Wind & Fire, and the 70s/early 80s era of Quincy Jones productions. He also was kind of a bridge between the era of UK-based funk and R&B bands like the Olympic Runners and Light Of The World, and groups/artists such as Musical Youth, Skipworth & Turner, 52nd Street, Loose Ends, Mel & Kim, and Princess.

Before the ubiquitous success of albums such as Suddenly and Love Zone… There was Nights. While it was released at what was essentially the tail-end of the ‘Disco era’; you cannot deny that these are roller skating jams.

12. Tracy Chapman- Tracy Chapman (Elektra, 1988)

i don’t care what anyone says; this is objectively, one of the greatest set of songs to ever be recorded on the face of this earth. Stylistically in the tradition of Joan Armatrading and/or Joni Mitchell before her, Chapman’s narratives are without affectation, and not a lot of metaphor. This album addresses sociopolitical injustice, the masses’ reaction to said injustice, mass consumerism/over-consumption, gender-based violence (and police neglect), class inequities, and the various shades of relationships.

13. The Jesus Lizard- Liar (Touch & Go, 1992)

The Jesus Lizard are one of my favorite bands of all time. This album has one of the greatest openers of all time. This album has my favorite Jesus Lizard song on it. There’s also cats on the cover.

That is all.

14. Wire- Pink Flag (Harvest, 1977)

i for the life of me will never understand why people consider punk bands to ‘sell out’ when they get signed by major labels. Not only did you have ‘proto-punk’ bands such as Talking Heads, Blondie, the New York Dolls and Television signed to Sire, Chrysalis, Mercury and Elektra (the same label as the MC5 and the Stooges); two bands who were considered among the most influential- the Sex Pistols (originally signed to EMI if i’m not mistaken, then got signed to Virgin/Warner Brothers (and Phonogram in Europe, and Columbia in Japan)), and Ramones (Sire, distributed by Warner Brothers).

And you had one of the greatest punk albums of all time- Pink Flag by Wire- on Harvest, the same label as Pink Floyd.

A good album is a good album, regardless of label.

15. Traffic- John Barleycorn Must Die (United Artists/Island, 1970)

An album where i always listen to side B as side A; this is the best Traffic album. Don’t sleep.

16. Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young (Dallas Taylor & Greg Reeves)- Déjà Vu (Atlantic, 1970)

Those harmonies… Those harmonies. There were also some pretty dope chord changes on this album.

i also love that bassist Greg Reeves is connected, not only as a Motown session player, but as a friend of Rick James, who played in the Mynah Birds with Neil Young. the world is not as big as we think.

17. Shonen Knife- Shonen Knife (Gasatanka/Giant, 1990)

A compilation of their earlier records (Burning Farm (1983) and 山のアッちゃん。(Yama No Attchan) (1984)), this is an example of punk’s global impact.

It’s also important to note that Shonen Knife has also consistently been a fan of cats over the years.

18. NoMeansNo- The Worldhood Of The World (As Such) (Alternative Tentacles, 1995)

Another one of my all-time favorite bands in the whole world. This album also has one of the greatest one-two punches, with ‘Joy’ and ‘Humans’. i mean, the whole album is brilliant. All of their albums are. But i had to pick one for this list!!!

19. Brian Wilson- At My Piano (Decca, 2021)

There are times where i go on Brian Wilson rabbit holes- the man is incredibly fascinating to me. There are also a few songs of his, that incredibly resonate with me.

This album (which actually includes those songs) is incredibly peaceful; and in some ways, (seemingly) despite its simplicity, adds a layer of texture, vulnerability and beauty to already well-known songs.

20. Greg Graffin- American Lesion (Atlantic, 1997)

As a fanboi of both Bad Religion and Graffin’s solo works, this one was incredibly difficult. i chose American Lesion, not only because it is one of my top 10 favorite albums of all time; but (a. it has traces of what was to come on future albums (the great Cold As The Clay and Millport, respectively), (b. it has the Bad Religion connection (with a rendition of ‘Cease’, and (c. it’s one of Graffin’s most vulnerable, personal albums, with songs i can greatly connect and identify with. For sure, it is an album i’ve cried to.

21. Goblin- Profondo Rosso (Colonna Sonora Originale Del Film) (Cinevox Record, 1975)

One of the greatest, if not the greatest, soundtracks to ever exist on the earth.

22. Teena Marie- It Must be Magic (Gordy, 1981)

One of my favorite ever artists of all time (that’s not a band); she was relegated to the R&B genre by the industry, despite her diverse influences. With that, she was always humble/grateful, and she gave as much love, respect and appreciation to the African communities who provided her just as much, as they took her in and ‘invited her to the cookout.’

She was also seen by many as ‘just a singer’, when this woman was a multi-instrumentalist, arranger, producer, and writer.

23. Buzzcocks- Singles Going Steady (I.R.S., 1979)

Perhaps the greatest name to grace a compilation, Singles Going Steady, while later being issued internationally, supposedly was originally accepted by the band to only be released in the U.S.

The band which birthed what inspired the ‘D-beat’- as the D-beat normally uses a ride cymbal, the beat which inspired it originally used a hi-hat- could also be seen as progenitors of later incarnations of emo (despite them sounding nothing alike), with its lovelorn lyrics, as well as pop punk and queercore.

i have certainly resonated with a Buzzcocks song or two (or three) at points in my life.

24. D’Angelo- Voodoo (Virgin/EMI/Cheeba Sound, 2000)

Black Messiah was among my favorite albums of 2014, but in terms of this ‘desert island discs’ list… The whole album is the epitome of dopeness, but thing that puts Voodoo on the list is its closer, ‘Africa.’

And ‘Devil’s Pie.’ And ‘Chicken Grease,’ which is the jam, even though i’m a vegan.

Let’s keep it real. Just this whole album.

25. A compilation of songs from all the System Of A Down albums (American Recordings/Columbia, 1998-2005)

i love this band, and i couldn’t choose an album. So i would make a compilation. What can i say?

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My 100 Favorite Albums And EPs (Right Now)… Plus Five

Photo: Creative Commons

The ‘favorite albums’ list… This is a list i’ve wanted to put together for several years now, but have never gotten around to it. There is so much music in the world- much of it that i’ve never heard. With that, how does one determine what a ‘favorite’ or ‘best of’ list should entail?

The one thing we DO know is that personal ‘best of’ lists are never static, as tastes change, and there’s exposure to even more music. As you read this list, know that it is not all-inclusive, as i am missing MANY records here that have gone on other ‘favorites’ lists; some of the music listed here is not necessarily an top 3, if i was to do a list for the individual artists- however, they are records i’m absolutely connecting with right now.

The first 20 albums are the ones that are in order currently- the first two have not moved in years, so i do not suspect they will move ever… or at least for a long time. Any records after number 20 are not in any particular order. If you are reading this and asking yourself, ‘Why is number 64 not higher?’; i would not worry too much about it.

i tend to purchase music i actually enjoy listening to, but alas, i cannot compile thousands of records on a list like this. So you only get 100 (for now)… plus five. There’s a variety of music, from jazz to punk to hip hop to ‘avant garde/noise’ to prog to folk, and more. There’s so much music in the world, it would be a shame to confine one’s listening to one genre.

Are there any records here that you’d put on a ‘favorites’ list?

  1. Marvin Gaye- What’s Going On (Tamla, 1971)
  2. John Coltrane- A Love Supreme (Impulse!, 1965)
  3. Herbie Hancock- Maiden Voyage (Blue Note, 1965)
  4. Earth Wind & Fire- Spirit (Columbia, 1976)
  5. Metallica- St. Anger (Elektra/Vertigo/Blackened, 2003)
  6. American Lesion (Greg Graffin)- American Lesion (Atlantic/Epitaph, 1997)
  7. Propagandhi- Victory Lap (Epitaph, 2017)
  8. Astrud Gilberto- The Astrud Gilberto Album (Verve, 1965)
  9. Minutemen- Double Nickels On The Dime (SST, 1984)
  10. NoMeansNo- 0+2=1 (Alternative Tentacles, 1991)
  11. Fugazi- Steady Diet Of Nothing (Dischord, 1991)
  12. The Jesus Lizard- Goat (Touch & Go, 1991)
  13. Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band- Trout Mask Replica (Straight/Reprise, 1969)
  14. Yona-Kit- Yona-Kit LP (Skin Graft/Nux Organization, 1995)
  15. Soul Glo- Untitled LP (SRA, 2016)/Diaspora Problems (Epitaph, 2022)
  16. The Messthetics And James Brandon Lewis- The Messthetics And James Brandon Lewis (Impulse!, 2024)
  17. Cardiacs- Songs For Ships And Irons (The Alphabet Business Concern, 1991)
  18. Andy Bey- Experience And Judgement (Atlantic, 1974)
  19. Angela Bofill- Angel Of The Night (GRP, 1979)
  20. Suzanne Vega- Days Of Open Hand (A&M, 1990)
  21. Meshell Ndegeocello- The Spirit Music Jamia: Dance of the Infadel (Shanachie, 2005)
  22. Mahmoud Ahmed With The Ibex Band – Erè Mèla Mèla (Kaifa Records/Crammed Disc, 1975)
  23. Gang Of Four- Entertainment (EMI, 1979)
  24. Otoboke Beaver- Super Champon (Damnably, 2022)
  25. Funkadelic- Uncle Jam Wants You (Warner Brothers, 1979)
  26. Nat Adderley- Sayin’ Somethin'(Atlantic, 1966)
  27. Dicks- Kill From The Heart (SST/Alternative Tentacles, 1983)
  28. Ministry- A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste (Sire, 1989)
  29. Mudhoney- My Brother The Cow (Reprise, 1994)
  30. Helmet- Meantime (Interscope/Amphetamine Reptile, 1992)
  31. Operation Ivy- Operation Ivy (Lookout!, 1991)
  32. Bad Religion- Into The Unknown (Epitaph, 1983)/The New America (Atlantic, 2000)
  33. Zulu- My People… Hold On / Our Day Will Come (Flatspot, 2021)/A New Tomorrow (Flatspot, 2023)
  34. Sade- Love Deluxe (Epic, 1992)
  35. Prince- N.E.W.S. (NPG Records, 2003)
  36. Melvins- Stoner Witch (Atlantic, 1994)/Bullhead (Boner, 1991)
  37. Shellac- To All Trains (Touch & Go, 2024)
  38. Kashif- Kashif (Arista, 1983)
  39. Elliot Smith- Either/Or (Kill Rock Stars, 1997)
  40. Peter Tosh- Equal Rights (Columbia, 1977)
  41. Dianne Reeves- The Best Of Dianne Reeves (Blue Note, 2002)
  42. DAM- Ben Haana Wa Maana (Cooking Vinyl, 2019)
  43. Pulp- Different Class (Island, 1995)
  44. Public Enemy- Fear Of A Black Planet (Def Jam Recordings, 1990)
  45. Kirk Hammett- Portals (Blackened, 2022)
  46. Scud Mountain Boys- Pine Box (Chunk, 1995)
  47. Agnostic Front- United Blood (Self Released/Last Warning, 1983)
  48. Billy Bragg- Must I Paint You A Picture?: The Essential Billy Bragg (Cooking Vinyl, 2003)
  49. J Dilla- Donuts (Stones Throw, 2006)
  50. Devo- Duty Now For The Future (Warner Brothers, 1979)
  51. Sebadoh- Bakesale (Sub Pop, 1994)
  52. Lee Morgan- Delightfulee (Blue Note, 1967)
  53. D.R.I.- Dirty Rotten EP (Dirty Rotten Records/Beer City Records, 1983)
  54. Slant 6- Soda Pop * Rip Off (Dischord, 1994)
  55. Circle Jerks- Group Sex (Frontier, 1980)
  56. Meat Puppets- Up On The Sun (SST, 1985)
  57. Kamasi Washington- The Epic (Brainfeeder, 2015)
  58. Genesis- Selling England By The Pound (Charisma, 1973)
  59. Metallica- Beyond Magnetic (Warner Brothers/Vertigo/Blackened, 2012)
  60. Lou Reed & Metallica- Lulu (Warner Brothers/Vertigo, 2011)
  61. Meat Beat Manifesto- 99% (Mute, 1990)
  62. Sinéad O’Connor– I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got (Ensign/Chrysalis, 1989)
  63. Rachelle Ferrell- Individuality (Can I Be Me?) (Capitol, 2000)
  64. Chris Connelly- Phenobarb Bambalam (Wax Trax!, 1992)
  65. George Duke- Faces In Reflection (MPS, 1974)/I Love The Blues, She Heard My Cry (MPS/BASF, 1975)
  66. Chat Pile- God’s Country (The Flenser, 2022)
  67. Naked City- BlackBox (Torture Garden / Leng Tch’e) (Tzadik, 1997)
  68. Bjork- Salmasongs (Elektra, 2000)
  69. Dead Kennedys- In God We Trust, Inc. (Alternative Tentacles, 1981)/Frankenchrist (Alternative tentacles, 1985)
  70. Donny Hathaway- Live (ATCO, 1972)
  71. Jazz Crusaders- The Young Rabbits (Blue Note, 1975)
  72. Ruins- Tzomborgha (Ipecac, 2002)
  73. Yasiin Bey (aka Mos Def)- Black On Both Sides (Rawkus, 1999)
  74. Raul Midon- State Of Mind (EMI/Manhattan, 2005)
  75. Black Sabbath- Black Sabbath (Vertigo/Warner Brothers, 1970)
  76. The Kinks- Something Else By The Kinks (Pye/Reprise, 1967)
  77. Yoko Ono- Approximately Infinite Universe (Apple, 1973)
  78. MDC- Millions Of Dead Cops (R Radical/Alternative Tentacles/Beer City, 1982)
  79. Boscoe- Boscoe (Kingdom Of Chad Records, 1973)
  80. 千と千尋の神隠し サウンドトラック(Spirited Away Soundtrack) (Studio Ghibli Records, 2001)
  81. Stevie Wonder- Stevie Wonder’s Journey Through The Secret Life Of Plants (Tamla, 1979)
  82. Mary J. Blige- Mary (MCA, 1999)
  83. Gilberto Gil- Expresso 2222 (Philips, 1972)
  84. Flipper- Gone Fishin’ (Subterranean, 1984)
  85. Dreamgirls (Original Broadway Cast Album) (Geffen, 1982)
  86. The Fugs- Virgin Fugs (ESP-Disk’, 1967)
  87. Kenny Loggins- Celebrate Me Home (Columbia, 1977)
  88. Jarvis Cocker- Further Complications (Rough Trade, 2009)
  89. INXS- Underneath The Colours (Deluxe/ATCO, 1981)
  90. Elvis Costello- Armed Forces (Columbia, 1979)
  91. Bad Brains- Bad Brains (ROIR, 1982)
  92. Follow That Bird (The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) (RCA, 1985)
  93. Negative Approach- Negative Approach (Touch & Go, 1982)
  94. Seal- 6: Commitment (Reprise, 2010)
  95. Billy Joel- 52nd Street (Columbia, 1978)
  96. Killing Joke- What’s This For…! (Malicious Damage, Editions EG, 1981)
  97. Kate Bush- Lionheart (EMI, 1978)/Hounds Of love (EMI, 1985)
  98. Duke Ellington & John Coltrane- Duke Ellington & John Coltrane (Impulse!, 1963)
  99. Frank Zappa- Chunga’s Revenge (Bizarre/Reprise, 1970)
  100. Throbbing Gristle- 20 Jazz Funk Greats (Industrial Records/Mute, 1979)

    Five Extra (Because i always have to):
  101. The Cure- Head On The Door (Fiction/Elektra, 1985)/Standing On The Beach/Staring At The Sea: The Singles (Fiction/Elektra, 1986)
  102. Bob Dylan- Blood On The Tracks (Columbia, 1975)
  103. Herbie Hancock- Future 2 Future (Transparent Music, 2001)
  104. The Brand New Heavies- The Brand New Heavies (Acid Jazz, 1990/Delicious Vinyl, 1991)
  105. Pixies- Surfer Rosa (4AD, 1988)

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